Off-road tracks – they're amazing.

Map shows a small section of our off-road route towards Godstone Green. The track passed through Castlehill Wood past three sizeable ponds, used for fishing and then followed Leigh Place Lane towards Glebe Water, another pond, through Church Town, down a more developed track bordering Bay Pond and then, of course, our final destination, Godstone Green. The above map shows how close we were to The Enterdent, the hill en route to Hunger's End in Merstham. I know for a fact that we can get virtually all the way to Merstham off-road.

The map above shows the off-road tracks from Tandridge. We had turned right from Jackass Lane, travelled down Tandridge Lane and took the track on the left just before the Barley Mow. That stretch, all the way to the A22 is open fields. Note the other tracks on the map.

May 9th 2010 – treading new ground

The route to Tandridge down Jackass Lane is yielding new routes for NoVisibleLycra and today was the best so far. I'd checked out the map and found off-road tracks linking Tandridge with Godstone so Andy and I set off to find them. While rain threatened, we avoided a soaking, much to Andy's annoyance as his Endura Hummvee cycling kit had arrived and he wanted to see if it was waterproof. I offered to throw some pond water over him when we reached Godstone Green, but for some reason he declined the offer.

How to explain this excellent cycle? Well, quite simply, we reached Tandridge we rode down the hill, past the pub, re-traced our steps, found a footpath, followed it and found ourselves in the middle of rolling hills and ploughed fields. Totally amazing! We stayed off-road all the way to Godstone Green where we sipped tea, munched on cereal bars and watched the ducks.

I can only assume that Andy did get the chance to try out his waterproof gear as it started to rain towards the end of my ride, although often I have noticed that when it's raining where I live, it's dry over Caterham way so he might still be none the wiser as to the effectiveness of his new clobber.

Blogger, by the way, is a bit annoying. Sometimes it enables me to write picture captions, other times not. This is one of those 'other times' so to explain, the top shot is the off-road path from Tandridge and the other shot, the one with the bluebells, is the same track but further along the route. 

May 8th 2010 – Merstham the long way (avoiding a soaking)

A copy of the Sun in Hunger's End, Merstham, Surrey.

Amazing! We didn't get that wet! After last week's soaking – and judging by the skies overhead – I thought I would be coming home in shiny wet trousers, but no! Okay, I was a little wet, but this was definitely a  result.

Andy and I met at Warlingham Green as usual and, as we pootled along we discussed the hung parliament and the fact that, even now, as I write this at any rate, nothing has been resolved. Will the Lib Dems go in with the Tories? Let's hope not. Why would they? I mean the two parties are not only ideologically opposed, they positively hate one another (like Manchester United and Liverpool).

Anyway, it's getting boring so I'll say no more – although when we reached the caff, Jon and Andy carried on the conversation. Perhaps we'll hear something today, who knows? Perhaps the country will lurch towards anarchy? Fine, as long as it doesn't affect our weekend cycling.

I guess the phrase 'fine drizzle' would sum it up; all the way there was a fine drizzle, which at times got a little heavier but overall it wasn't unpleasant. We stayed on the tarmac at the end of Church Road instead of the off-road bit under the motorway (I figured it would be too wet and muddy) and met Jon halfway up Rockshaw Road.

For some reason I was feeling extremely energetic. It might have been the porridge for breakfast or a good night's sleep, although I woke up around 2am and then fell asleep again. The next thing I knew it was 6am and time to get out of bed for the cycling.

Picture shows an interior shot of Hunger's End in Merstham. The drizzly weather meant that we couldn't sit in our usual seat outside. There was no sign of shaving man either. Note copy of the Sun claiming that Gordon Brown is squatting in Number 10 Downing Street. Obviously, the right wing tabloid knows nothing about politics.

A cautionary tale...

Read this story. Click Here.

Are the Endura Hummvee trousers what we're looking for?

Thanks to some digging on the internet by Andy, we've found these trousers for cycling. They look good and they don't appear to contradict our 'no visible lycra' credentials, ie they're not body-hugging, tight-fitting, racing bike material; nope, they're baggy and cool and I like them. Thoughts? Click here for more details.

Mileage note.

Photo courtesy of www.autovirt.com

The trip to Merstham the slow way is approximately 16.8 miles, that's taken from Matt's house in South Croydon. From Woodmansterne Green to Merstham is 7 miles and from Woodmansterne Green back to Matt's house is approximately six miles.

Matt's house to Merstham (slow way): 16.8 miles.
Merstham to Woodmansterne Grn: 7 miles.
Woodmansterne Green to Matt's house 6 miles.


The round trip, therefore, is, give or take, 30 miles.

Down Jackass Lane to Tandridge...

Andy at Jackass Lane. I've promised him that I will stand behind
Arse-Whip Avenue just as soon as we stumble across it.

The weather had improved on yesterday's torrential rain, but it was gloomy skies overhead and cold winds all the way to a new destination: Tandridge. We travelled down Gangers Hill, our 'portal' to new destinations, and then took a left fork down a steep hill. We crossed over the M25 slightly east of where we normally cross en route to the church at Godstone and then turned right on the A25 for about 500 yards before hanging a left into Jackass Lane.

At the end of Jackass Lane we'd arrived at what we both imagined was down town Tandridge, a sleepy little place with a pleasant church, St Peter's, and a 'no cycling' sign. We cycled up to the church as there was nothing else, no café, nothing bar a few walkers and somebody jogging. And then a fine drizzle of rain that was almost invisible.

Monument to war dead outside St Peter's in
Tandridge, Kent

It was tempting to investigate a little further, see what we could find: a covered bus stop, maybe, or a teashop, anything, but we just got that feeling there would be nothing and then, of course, a 10 per cent climb back up to the small patch of grass on which we had decided to stop and drink our tea. Checking out the iphone I found a route west which would have taken us towards Rabies Heath Lane and Bletchingley or back up through Godstone down the Enterdent, past St Nicholas Church and back towards Gangers Hill.

Instead, we went back up Jackass Lane, turned right on to the A25 and then back up Tandridge Lane for a longer and steeper climb towards Gangers. On the way up I found a track veering off to the left and vowed to investigate it later. Right now, I am looking at the map and the track cuts across open ground and then through Old Park Wood and finishes at the A22. There's likely to be a tunnel underneath the A22 which then joins up with Leigh Place Lane (also a rough track by the looks of things) and this joins up with Church Lane (Godstone) a little further south of the Church there. Interestingly, the track continues on the other side of Church Lane and joins up with Bullbeggars Lane and then goes into Godstone – so, theoretically, we could cycle to Tandridge along Jackass Lane, hang a right near the end and ride off-road all the way to Godstone.

What might be more exciting, however, would be to go down the 10 per cent hill mentioned earlier (which happens to be a continuation of Tandridge Lane), past the Barley Mow pub on the left and then, after passing a primary school on the right, there's an off-road track that goes on for miles. It joins the A22 but then runs parallel with Rabies Heath Lane (Greensand Way) through a wood and continues until it reaches Bletchingley where we normally cross the A25 and travel up towards the quarry, under the M25 and then towards Merstham down Spring Bottom Lane and Rockshaw Road.

It's quite amazing just how much off-road there is between Jackass Lane and Bletchingley. Infact, the Barley Mow at Tandridge looks good too. It sells real ale and it has a website, which is www.barleymow-tandridge.co.uk Perhaps the Barley Mow, Tandridge could be our venue for that much-considered later cycle?

Who needs waterproofs – when there's Speedos!

When Andy and I first started cycling back in 2006, we used to get up really early and meet along the B269 in the dark. In retrospect, getting up that early – and by early I mean we met at 7am, which was dark in the winter months – wasn't a bad thing as it meant we got back early too. But these were the days when we cycled fairly seriously. We hadn't coined the phrase NoVisibleLycra, we didn't have a blog and, well, we just got up, cycled off to Westerham, stopped for a cream bun and a bottle of mineral water and then, with little conversation, we cycled back, said our goodbyes and then repeated the process.

Gradually, however, we got more chatty, we started talking about stuff like politics and cars and Top Gear, we cracked a few jokes, talked about bikes and then, after a while, realised that having a cream bun kind of cancelled out the point of cycling: exercise. Then I thought about bringing along a flask of tea, Andy started with the cereal bars and suddenly, who needed a convenience store? Not us! We could park up anyway and sip our tea and munch on those cereal bars.

My memory's a little hazy about those early days with the flask. Did we use the bench next door to the convenience store, did we just stand around? I can't remember. When we went to Botley Hill, long before wising up to the Tatsfield Bus Stop where, hey, we could shelter from the storm, we'd just stand around under trees, even in the winter, and invariably got soaked as we drank our tea. Of course we did wise up and soon Tatsfield Bus Stop really was a port in a storm. But there were plenty of things we hadn't wised up to.

Whenever we had a puncture, for example, rather than fix it on the roadside using some kind of repair kit, we simply resigned ourselves to walking home, listening en route to the increasingly irritating sound of the tyre squeaking. Sometimes we just walked a cool three of four miles from, say Westerham to Oxted. Other times the walk was much longer: all the way home from Botley, for example, seven miles, it took hours. And then one or the other of us wised up: how about we fix our punctures on the roadside? Why don't we bring some kind of kit with us and a pump and save a bit of time? And it did save time even if sometimes it was so cold it made Andy lose his temper!

And yes, we're not called NoVisibleLycra for nothing. We just don't wear the stuff, we don't want to look like fucking Power Rangers. We ride chunky Konas and, to be frank, we wear normal clothes, not 'cycling gear'. Well, not for much longer. Now don't get me wrong; we're not planning on riding racers and buying Lycra, oh no, but we are kind of sick of going home like a couple of over-sized sponges, full of rain water and speckled with mud. And as for arse, well, it gets a proper soaking because I don't have a rear mudguard. Okay, I'm still mulling over the idea of ruining my bike's original lines with an ugly black plastic mudguard, so the wet arse might stay – or will it? Not if I buy some decent cycling trousers that are water repellent! And perhaps a matching top! Andy feels the same way.

I mean, put it this way; when I reached home this morning after a ride out to the Tatsfield Bus Stop, I was properly drenched. My trousers were so shiny I could have seen my reflection in them. My arse was so wet, I, yeah, it was wet and I can't think of simile. Anyway, forget my arse, that's a mudguard issue. No, I'm talking proper cycling clothes. Seriously, I was wet and cold when I reached home, wet and cold and it wasn't pleasant. I had to peel my clothes off and my hands were so cold I ran them under a hot tap and felt nothing, that's how numb I was; and there was no need. I could have been nice and comfortable in some kind of water resistant clothes.

So, we made an important decision today: to buy water resistant cycling clothing, but NOT, I repeat NOT Lycra, not body hugging. Mind you, a pair of Speedos might be worth considering. I mean summer's coming...

Black Horse Bike Ride – raising money for Multiple Scelrosis

The Black Horse, Reigate in Surrey.

This time last year we didn't have a blog so we couldn't really write about the great Black Horse Bike Ride, which this year is on Sunday May 16th. I think I'm right in saying that this year will be Andy's fourth attempt and my third and both of us are seriously hoping for good weather. Last year we had heavy rain and it wasn't at all pleasant. We were both soaked through, we then dried out during the middle part and then got a soaking again towards the end. Half way around I seemed to run out of fuel (I'd eaten nowt but a bacon sarnie for breakfast and that was at the pub and then, somewhere near Crawley, I faltered and had to stock up on cheese sandwiches and Digestive biscuits to finish the course.

The big problem with last year was the weather, it was awful, and I seriously hope it stays fine for this year. It's a 50-miler that weaves its way through some picturesque parts of Surrey and Sussex, skirts around Gatwick airport and then heads back through quaint little places like Rusper.

The ride starts and finishes at the Black Horse, a pub in Reigate that sells excellent beer (Young's) and throws in a free pint AND a barbecue (also free) for all the riders. It's a great day out. Last year Andy and I cycled to the start line from our respective homes (although my memory is a little hazy on that as I think I got the train to Redhill and cycled from there). The point is we didn't chuck our bikes in the car as we'd done the year before. Not sure how we're going to play it this year, although after that knackered feeling you get after a big distance, the thought of cycling home is not good at all. Last year, I think I cycled around 70 miles in total and when I reached home I went straight to bed and slept for 12 hours.

Getting back to the pub is probably the best bit of the lot. Taking that first sip of Young's and that first munch on a large beefburger with onions is better than sex. No, honestly, it is. Well, alright, it's similar. Okay, it bears no resemblance whatsoever, but you know what I mean.

So, there you have it, NoVisibleLycra's third year on the Black Horse Ride and we're looking forward to it. Not sure how many, if any, strangers stumble across this site, but if you're reading this now and consider it a worthy cause, then go to www.justgiving.com/matthew-moggridge and donate some money.

The tunnel under the motorway...

On the way to Merstham via Gangers Hill there is a tunnel under the M25. In fact, on all our cycles we tend to go under the M25 – and over it too. This shot was taken on Saturday 24 April on the approach to one of these tunnels. I know, it's not very exciting, of course it isn't, but this blog is all about our cycling and these tunnels do play a part in our adventures.

The shot above was taken in the tunnel. It's quite amazing how there is no graffiti on the walls, but then I wonder how many of the local  nutters even know of the tunnel's existence?

Lastly, my brother Jon at Merstham, outside Hunger's End, fixing a puncture. It's the same puncture he's had for ages but he hasn't fixed it. The thing is, punctures are like hernias, I've probably said this before; they won't fix themselves and can only get worse.

Actually, I forgot to add this shot of The Enterdent taken from the top looking down. It might look pretty average, but believe me, there's a steep descent just out of view, which I had just ascended.