Judge: “Before I pass sentence for stealing a tin of Heinz Baked Beans from Redhill Sainsbury’s, do you have anything to say, Mr. Twilley?”
MT: “Yes, your judgeship, I do. I have no need to steal a tin of baked beans. In fact my wife informs me we already have two tins in the larder. I took the baked beans to prove a point: that it’s one law for the criminals and another for us law-abiding citizens. They can kill innocent people in Manchester and then refuse to leave their cells for sentencing, they can arrive by dinghy but not quarantine for a day, let alone 14, they can drag a policeman to his death underneath a moving car and still only be charged with manslaughter, as if it wasn't really their fault, but if I as much as steal a tin of baked beans from the supermarket shelves, well, here I am, being sentenced. Do your worst, judge!”
Judge: “Eloquently put, Mr Twilley, but it won’t save you, I’m afraid. I sentence you to 16 years imprisonment.
MT: [Produces tin opener and proceeds to open another tin of baked beans] “Thank you, judge, and this is for you, you stuck-up piece of poo! [Showers judge and court dignitaries with cold baked beans and throws the empty tin at the jury]. Feel free to hand me an even longer sentence, you silly little man in your stupid wig, as I enjoyed every minute of that!"
Judge [Wiping baked beans from his eyes]: "Take him down, take him down."
Judge [Wiping baked beans from his eyes]: "Take him down, take him down."
