We took off before 2pm on a relatively clear day. Having not flown for over two and a half years, I was uneasy, but there was no cloud so my unease was lightened somewhat, but only mildly.
I was in seat 37a, an exit seat, so plenty of legroom, but no window I could call my own. To see out I had to turn my head to the left, which is what I did for most of the first 30 minutes, watching land get further and further away. Very soon we were high above ground looking down at what looked like a patchwork quilt of fields.
I am writing in the past tense, as if the flight took place yesterday, but we’re only two and a quarter hours into a seven-hour flight and already I’m a mess, a mixture of pensive, sad and a little unhappy too. I don’t want to be so far away from home, but with every second that passes I’m getting further and further away when all I want is to be back there, in the garden or in a coffee shop or just doing nothing too taxing. I just want to chill if the truth is known, but what’s new about that?
Once lunch was over, of course, there was nothing to do; the cabin crew normally vanish but on this occasion they were present throughout the flight, busying themselves with serving our every need.
I was not relaxed enough to read Jonathan Coe’s Middle England. Instead I just sat there thinking about time and trying to sectionalize it in my own head. I tried to think about Philadelphia where it was 11.30 in the morning and then I imagined it being lunchtime and then I thought about how quickly lunch passed and how residents of that great city would soon be thinking “4.30pm, is that the time?” And how, when they thought that, I would be on the ground making my way towards the terminal building and wishing I didn’t have to endure one more flight, that short hop west to Pittsburgh.
The man next to me sported a baseball cap and a black mask; he was reading Cold Granite by Stuart Macbride, a Sunday Times bestseller, which has never been my scene. I’ve never been in to bestsellers. His wife (I’m assuming it’s his wife) was reading a book called Exit by Belinda Bauer, but she (like him) was asleep. I can’t sleep on planes and even less so when I’m anxious and sad. It’s got a lot to do with not having travelled for the past two and a half years.
Where masks were concerned, not many people wore them and nor was I, although I had one in my pocket. I guess if everyone on board had taken a test the day before the flight then I assumed the likelihood of catching Covid was pretty slim. Still, never say never.
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| Loads of cloud en route to Pittsburgh |
My inability to relax was annoying so I took a stroll to the back of the plane and found little to amuse or comfort me. I remember a flight to Tokyo, although it might have been New Delhi, when the cabin crew was a pretty friendly bunch, handing out Celebrations chocolates and happy to pass the time of day with a bored passenger like yours truly. While the crew of flight BA0067 was friendly they all seemed rushed off their feet and had yet to disappear as they normally do. It seemed there was always something to keep them occupied.
I paid a visit to the cramped ‘bathroom’ but was too on edge to give my fellow passengers the finger from behind the bulkhead. Perhaps I wasn't tired or irritable enough at that moment, or perhaps I was already far worse; in four hours time there would be roughly 20 minutes to go. Except the journey – or the hassles – wouldn't be over: there was US immigration to deal with, baggage reclaim and then another flight, albeit a short one. If I’m honest I’d rather have taken the train from Philadelphia, but I never thought of it at the time so now I had to endure another plane journey. As always, I just wanted to get there. Of course I did. As my dad would have said, “you’re not unique”. In a way, however, he was wrong, we’re all unique. Dad would be right in one respect: there can’t be anybody on board who wants to be here, it’s all a means to an end. A to B or A to Z it all amounts to the same thing.
“They will write and they will call in,” I heard in my head. I nodded off and had micro dreams that featured random phrases of this nature, but all in a split second. Time was not passing fast.
“And I saw her standing there,” I heard in my head and immediately thought of a bearded Sir Paul in his younger days.
Outside the sun was shining brightly and was reflected off the white sheet of cloud below us. I could hear a baby laughing or crying, it’s hard to know exactly, but the sound of a baby crying really depresses me.
Back home it was coming round to 6pm and I just knew that my rear lawn looked smooth and velvety in the evening sun. I might have been sitting in the garden room reading or drinking tea and probably wondering what we were having for dinner. We might have been out on a drive somewhere, it was hard to know exactly. The only constant was the ride and I would no doubt be wondering whether to ride to Oxted again in the morning, Sunday morning. Nothing better than a lazy weekend, but not today.
I was amazed at how hard the cabin crew was working; the crew hadn’t stopped since we took off nearly four hours ago, but they were not working as hard as the mum with a daughter and two young sons, the eldest being around five years old. They were sitting across from me in the middle row, in front of the bulkhead. The mum never stopped. The older boy was quite happy entertaining himself whereas the daughter, who was not yet a toddler, needed constant attention. The middle child was so quiet he seemed invisible.
The man next to me was awake and reading, black mask on. People wandered around while others, like me, drank water from a small, clear plastic beaker supplied by one of the cabin crew. There really wasn’t a great deal to say.
I walked to the rear of the plane again just to get some exercise. The woman with the baby walked back and forth too, holding the baby, and I was standing at the back, close to the galley, and looking at all the small screens on the backs of seats. Perhaps I should have checked out the movies, I watch enough of them at home, but for some reason I found it hard to focus or concentrate enough to read or watch anything, I was in a strange frame of mind.
Outside, the Atlantic below looked calm, but it would do at 38,000 feet. There was less cloud, which was encouraging, but it was still very hazy, almost steamy. There were around three hours and twenty minutes to go. Perhaps I should have checked out the movies, or the music, although I knew the music would make me emotional. I thanked the Lord that I wasn't drinking. I remember once, on a flight to Chicago, when the euphoric nature of what I was listening to (I think it was Nessum Dorma) brought out the tears. A couple of Merlots at 38,000 feet can do that to me. I tried to conceal it and as nobody said anything I figured I got away with it, but I guess I’ll never know. Music can take me that way sometimes, and poetry (Milton Kessler’s Thanks forever) but it wouldn’t be so pronounced after a couple of glasses of water, although I’d say don’t push it, my frame of mind was such that I could crack at any moment.
The pandemic was certainly a kind of watershed for me: pre-COVID travel (of which there was plenty) I took in my stride and I loved being away, even though it was always a wrench on day one. Eventually, once clear of the lag, I was fired up and full of the joys of spring, enjoying my hotel room in they way only I can (that’s an allusion to all the silly things I say I get up to, and to be honest most of it is true, although I don’t think I’ve climbed into the wardrobe yet, perhaps later). I don’t think my passion for mooching around the world has left me, it’s just that I’ve had over two years without it and need to get back into that space again.
With three hours exactly before I reached Philadelphia, I was still regretting not organising the Amtrak to Pittsburgh. I could have checked into a hotel in the city and then taken an early train west, arriving late afternoon – perfect! But I didn’t think, which was typical. I think my problem is that I’ve always got stuff on my mind, things to think about, so that when it comes to something classy, like taking the train, I forget and then live to regret it. But why cry over spilt milk, there’s no point.
The train thing was a result of the last time I found myself in Pittsburgh. The hotel I was staying in ‘stole' my laptop and passport forcing me to take the train to New York to get an emergency passport in order to fly home. It took 11 hours, but the whole experience was amazing and now I’m in love with long train journeys. I think I could spend days on a train without getting bored. I’d love to ride the Trans-Siberia across Siberia, all the way to China – and back again. You can’t beat sleeping on a train, eating on a train, reading on a train, writing on a train. Is there anything that isn’t more enjoyable than if you’re doing it on a train? I can’t think of anything. And even ‘that’ would be more fun as long as the guard didn’t knock on the door and demand to see my ticket. I wouldn’t mind riding the Polar Express, if it existed. Imagine that! A train with Tom Hanks on board. “Well in that case, tickets please!” That’s what he says in the movie, among other things.
When I started thinking about elapsed time and how much more there was to go before we landed, I looked at the clock and found it was 7pm at home, and I thought, okay, the One Show had just started, had it been a weekday, and then I tried to think how long it took to reach the time I wanted it to be (in this case 9.30pm, UK time, which was when were destined to land) but it was pointless. Time is time and the only way to make it pass is to do something: watch a movie, listen to music, I don’t know, but I was just not relaxed enough and it looked as though I was going to remain in an unsettled state until we arrived.
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| Spotted around Pittsburgh |
With around two hours to go, land appeared and I presumed it was Canada and that, at some stage, we would head south and follow the east coast towards our destination, but I don't think that happened.
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| View from room 513, Hilton Garden Downtown |
