Night boat to Helsinki!, part one...

I can't contain my excitement! I used to reserve such joy for a long train journey, but now I'm about to embark upon a sea journey, from Stockholm to Helsinki, an overnight trip on the Silja Symphony. I can board the boat around 1530hrs, or so I'm told, and then we depart around 1645hrs. Our arrival time in Helsinki is 1030hrs and there's little much to do on board but sleep and eat (two of my favourite pastimes). Actually, sleeping is not a favourite pastime, I don't know why I said that as I often wake in the middle of the night and then spend hours trying to get back to sleep. Last night, for example, I awoke around 0100hrs, but that was because I hit the sack around 2130hrs. I got up, wandered around the room a bit then got back in to bed and somehow I awoke around six. I reckon I had around eight hours sleep in total. I took a shower and went down for breakfast, but it wasn't as relaxed as Tuesday's first meal of the day. I decided not to have the 'Full Swedish' of scrambled eggs, mushrooms and cherry tomatoes, settling instead for a bowl of cereal with seeds and raisins and yoghurt and a bowl of fruit (oranges, grapes, melon). Throw in a green tea and that was it; alright, on the way out I grabbed a mini croissant and a small biscuit, but that was it. I had to check out and as you might recall me saying in yesterday's post, I hate checking out of hotels. Still, there was little fuss, everything had been paid for, I hadn't used the minibar so it was plain sailing.

In the dock awaiting departure for Helsinki.

I took a cab to the other side of town, to the Hilton Hotel where I had some business to attend to and then I took a short stroll to a coffee shop close to the Birger Jarl hotel called Bröt & Bread where I ordered a cappuccino and a really tasty pastry filled with almond paste. Afterwards, I retrieved my suitcase from the hotel before boarding another taxi which would take me to my final meeting of the day. I got there early and tried to find a café that was open just to keep out of the cold. I found one opposite an ice rink and ordered a green tea and soon it was time for the meeting. Lunch followed in an excellent Thai restaurant and then, after saying my farewells, I took yet another taxi to the port at Hamnpirsvägen 10 where I have to await the Silja Symphony, my boat for the journey.

I've switched to a cabin with windows

Right now I'm sitting in a café, I've just ordered a vanilla tea (and bought a fridge magnet) and now it's a waiting game. There's not many people around, but having said that, I arrived around 1300hrs, actually, make that 1330hrs. Right now, at 1441hrs, there's more activity, but mine isn't the only boat waiting on the port side, there are boats to Turku and Tallinn too and who knows who is going where? All I know is that my boat doesn't start boarding until around 1500 to 1530hrs. There's a group of five people sitting close by, one is American and I'm not sure about the others. The American talks a lot about eagles. Two people, one being the American, sport black shirts and bald heads, they look virtually identical but they're not.  There are a few families, I can hear kids and everybody is wearing a bobble hat. Mind you, it is very cold and it's quite funny the way Swedish people cast aside preening and looking neat and tidy, bowing instead to the harshness of the cold weather (understandably) and wearing what looks like sleeping bags. Bivvy bags, bobble hats, trousers, you name it, the game is to keep warm at all costs.

I can't think of much else to say at this present time, except to say that they upgraded my cabin, which I didn't expect. Either way I don't get a window, but according to one of my colleagues, it'll be dark by the time I sail and I won't need one. 

This ship is absolutely huge!

I decided to take the ferry because I didn't fancy three flights in one trip. I'd already flown from London to Stockholm and I didn't fancy flying Stockholm to Helsinki and then Helsinki to London as that would have meant...well, I'm not sure what it would have meant; I suppose another hotel room in Stockholm or Helsinki. So I opted for the boat, which I reckon is cheaper, it's only £132...or something like that. So, as I say, here I am. I have my ticket, I have everything I need for the journey. I'm getting twitchy. I need to know whether there will be an announcement or whether we're all expected to just get up, go through the barriers and board the ship.

There's some kind of automatic machine scooting around the terminal building, probably a scrubber/dryer or some kind of cleaning device. I remember once (while a freelancer) having to write about scrubber dryers, oh, the glamour! I've just got up and checked and it is a scrubber/drier (see video). How fantastic! I know, little things, but it's not that little, it looks a bit like a Dalek. The machine is amusing others, namely the two bald-headed men wearing black shirts who earlier were talking about eagles. They've now visited the restrooms leaving a white-haired man with a white hoodie covered in stars chatting to one of the two women who share the table. I presume the other woman, ah...here she comes now, she's back, dressed in black (as she was before she left) and she has dyed black hair. She must have been in the restrooms.

Dancing girls greet passengers...

I'm going to take a wander, find out the lie of the land, see if there's going to be an announcement, find out what's 'beyond passport control' and generally get my bearings. I don't need any more to eat and I hear the catering on board is good. Talk again later...

Later...

So I found out that there would be an announcement and there was and now I'm on board, in my cabin and it's not brilliant. Very basic. It makes me wonder what the cabin I had before was like. I'm told that I can upgrade to a cabin with a window for just 20 Euros, I'm definitely doing that, but I can't do anything for another 25 minutes after the boat has departed. It's 1645hrs now so we should be leaving soon.

The ship in the dock as we embark on our journey...

I've taken a wander around and it's okay, there's a few gift shops and a number of restaurants and eating areas. Currently I'm in Fast Lane, a kind of cafeteria selling pastries and hot drinks. I bought a green tea and a couple of small bars of Fazer chocolate and I'm sitting in the corner blogging because you can only get wifi on level seven. On level 6 there's an Italian restaurant, but I've booked myself a table in Bon Vivant (I hate that name) for 1830hrs, it seemed like the most upmarket offering on board. Elsewhere on the ship there's a conference going on. There are various bars dotted around and the whole ship shouts excess, there's plenty of opportunity for Sweden's Dave Oafs to drink themselves senseless on board and then stagger off in the morning. I keep seeing people with trays of lagers and can only imagine how awful it could be. 

Noisy shaggers...

Outside of drinkers, of course, there are shaggers. I was quietly minding my own business in a public area on deck 11 when I heard the unmistakable porn movie shrieking of a woman behind one of the doors close to my own. She clearly had no sense of shame as she wailed on and on and on in true porn star manner. It was quite embarrassing if the truth be known. I know these boats have a reputation to keep up – that of 'party boat' – but the passengers could pipe it down a bit, there are English people on board! I'd imagine whoever she is, she's cast off her bivvy bag and Ugg boots, dispensed with her bobble hat and jumpers and, well, there's not much room in those cabins and I don't particularly want to imagine any more. For all I know she might be a right heifer, but it doesn't always follow and who said heifers can't have their fun? And who am I to start calling somebody I don't know and haven't seen a heifer? The odd thing was I walked past all the shops, spoke to the lady on the information desk about upgrading (not because of the shaggers, I just wanted a window with a sea view) and when I got back to the 11th floor and was making my way to the cabin to get my laptop, she was at it again. I'm now wondering whether there's anybody in there with her or if she's got a giant vibrating dildo wired up to the mains, possibly USB-chargeable, purchased, perhaps, from a Stockholm sex shop, not that I've seen any sex shops – and not that I was looking either. I've been far too busy to entertain anything so sleazy – not that I'd entertain anything sleazy if I wasn't busy – all I want is dinner, my book and then bed, preferably in a cabin with a window. God! I'm sounding really old and boring aren't I? A decent meal and a book, that's all I want, but it's true, who wants the faff of anything else? Well, clearly the woman behind one of the doors further up from mine. Briefly, I imagined knocking on her door and telling her to keep it down, but that was probably the last thing on her mind; and the last thing on my mind was having an altercation with a Viking gentleman, although I'm not on the Viking Line.

Boats going to Helsinki and to Tallinn (Estonia)

So it's just gone 1700hrs and as far as I can tell we're still at port. Normally when you're on a huge ship like this one you get the sound of engines revving up and notice a little bit of movement. Then it's time to wonder if you're likely to suffer from seasickness. I've travelled across the North Sea before (twice) and on both occasions I was fine, let's hope so today. Earlier, I passed a seafood restaurant and thought no, imagine a double whammy: seasickness AND food poisoning, firing on all cylinders with a soundtrack of shagging as the boat dips and dives its way to Helsinki, or Helsingfors as it's known to the Swedes. The very thought almost made me sick as I imagined all the soft toys – the seals, the meerkats and the bears – giving me strange looks as I disembarked with a green complexion, smelling of sick and wishing I was home.

A man next to me has started belching loudly, I won't even look at him, but there you have it.

New cabin...

I managed to upgrade to a cabin with a window and it only cost me 20 Euros, not bad. I'm on deck nine, no longer on deck 11, and while the dimensions and style of the cabin are roughly the same, there's a window and I can see out at the twinkling lights of Sweden on the shore line. In all honesty I didn't know the boat was moving. I was expecting to hear the roar of engines, but there was nothing and if I hadn't asked somebody I would still think we were in the dock. If it stays like this I'll be happy. I've got dinner booked for 1830hrs in Bon Vivant (arguably the best restaurant on the ship) and if everything goes to plan I'll be docking in Helsingfors (Helsinki) around 1030hrs tomorrow morning. I just hope I get a decent night's sleep.

I'm back in Fast Lane, but I'm not eating and nobody has asked me what I'm doing so I assume all is well with the world. There's 20 minutes to kill before it's time to eat and I know that there's nothing but shops on this level (level seven) and that elsewhere there are bars, a conference centre, a casino (I hate casinos) and probably that's it. Oh, there's a gym too and I'm sure there's loads of other facilities; this is, after all, a hotel on on the high seas full of people shagging and drinking and buying stuff they don't need. There are men nursing pints of beer, men and women drinking together, alcohol wherever I look and I'm the only one on a laptop writing. The Society of the Spectacle is here too, I've seen it, on the sixth floor, or deck six, everything exactly the same as the 'spectacle' found at airports all over the world. Once again, I'm never tempted.