Garner's Pickled Onions – a very poor show!

We're nearing the end of that dead time between Christmas and New Year and there's no cycling today. It's been raining ever since I woke up and it's still raining now. One thing that has characterised 2012 is rain. Since April it's been virtually non-stop, meaning that those greedy sons of bitches over at the water company have absolutely no reason whatsoever to announce a hosepipe ban – they'll have to find other ways of funding their extensions and foreign holidays.

What I do like about the festive season is sitting around doing nothing but watching schmaltzy movies on the television, normally American. There's one on now starring Adam Sandler, but it can't be any good as I've spotted British comedian Russell Brand – he who is not funny, full stop, and is famous only for a ridiculous haircut - although he's a pretty good writer, it has to be said.

Garner's Pickled Onions – no longer the Jesus of Cool.

Anyway, the festive season. I love it! It's the only time of year when you can eat mince pies mid-morning and have a brandy and ginger wine in the afternoon, along with a pickled onion, some stilton and a few cheese biscuits. Mind you, I'm a bit disappointed this year with Garner's Pickled Onions. They used to be the cream of the crop as far as pickled onions were concerned. I love them because they're crunchy and tangy and a million times better than other brands on the market. Until now!

I bought a jar of Garner's from Waitrose the other day and when I opened it and tucked in, the pickled onion I chose was horrible. So horrible. So SOFT! So horrible (and soft) that I had to spit it out (I rarely spit out food). I had to dig around for a nice crunchy pickled onion, which is not normally the case with a jar of Garner's as they're all crunchy. And hell! Let's be honest here: there's nothing more disappointing than a soft pickled onion. Nothing!

I'll be thinking twice the next time I consider purchasing a jar of Garner's. I'll have to ask mum to make some pickled onions – they're genuinely crunchy. When you tuck in to pickled onions, you need something a little challenging. My mum's pickles were the nearest to a challenging snack item (if you excuse those extra fizzy Haribo sweets) and I was elated, some years back, when I discovered Garners. They were the nearest mass-produced version of my mum's pickles on the supermarket shelves and now they've gone and blotted their copy book – BIG TIME!

What else have I been eating? Ah yes! Stilton! A once-a-year indulgence, but worth every penny! Oh, and paté, lovely with a bit of bread or some cheese biscuits.

Right now it's really coming down outside. The rain. We've got a nice pre-prepared curry on the go and I've just had a large glass of red wine. I'm going to have another. Then what? Well, how about a New Year's party down in the sticks?

I'd better sign off. It's lunch time. Well, it's 1415hrs so a late lunch time, but I'm still smarting about the Garner's. I'm going out there in a second and I'm having another one and it better not be soft or I'll, I'll, I'll get even somehow, you mark my words.