Thick fog at Milan's Linate airport...

The 1300hrs Firenze to Milan train

Milan has two main airports: Linate and Malpensa. The former is generally regarded as the best because it is closer to the city centre. I tend to judge an airport by its facilities beyond passport control – that strange, perfumed world characterised by big fashion and accessories brands that only Indians living in Hounslow seem to buy. Whenever I travel,  I like to get the security bit out of the way, which means that if I arrive at the airport early, I get the best of two hours to chill out prior to flying off.

On Monday afternoon I arrived at Linate early having travelled by train from Firenze (Florence). The train journey from Firenze to Milano takes just one hour and 40 minutes and costs 50 Euros. I tried to take a train to Linate, but was told there was only a bus. It cost me five Euros – better than 55 Euros for a cab when I travelled from Linate to the city centre last Thursday (22nd October). The bus journey was short and took me around the back streets of Milan, past overgrown brownfield sites and graffiti-infected walls, but soon I arrived and started to look around for the BA check-in desk. I was too early to check in my bag so I kept it with me, losing my deodorant and shaving foam in the process – it happens all the time. So much so that I've recently started packing a bar of Dove soap because it lathers up well and can be a good alternative to shaving foam. I discovered that my allocated seat (14A) had been changed to an aisle seat further back. I moaned, but not a great deal and I was switched to seat 28A at the back of the plane. Later, however, when I reached the final checkpoint at gate B28, my seat was 'upgraded' to 21A.

Panino Giusto at Linate airport, Milan

Once through security after queuing 15 minutes for passport control, I was a free agent with time to kill. I never, ever entertain any of the shops – for a start I can't afford them and then there's that whole thing about simply not being interested. But I did fancy chilling out with a glass of red wine and something to eat and I was annoyed to discover that Linate didn't offer much in the food department.

I found a place that sold panini breads – Panino Giusto – so I ordered a City (a turkey breast panini) and a glass of red wine, which soon became two, followed by a cappuccino. There's nothing better than a glass of wine and something to eat along with a decent book to read. I'm making good progress through Mark Beaumont's excellent The Man Who Cycled the World so I was in heaven. Beaumont's book, as I've said time and time again in recent posts, is amazing and at this point in time, I've reached the bit where he arrives in Australia. I'm looking forward to his other book, The Man Who Cycled the Americas, which I'm sure will be just as good.

I walked to the gate where I noticed thick fog outside."There's always fog at Linate," said a white-haired, middle-aged businessman with a resigned smile. I wandered around until the flight was called. Outside, the fog was thick, but the BA flight wasn't cancelled. I'm used to spending an additional night in an airport hotel (click here for more information) but not tonight. Yes, there was a minor delay, but once on the plane the cabin crew spoke of a 'zero visibility take-off'.

Milan's Central Station – very impressive

The plane made its way towards the runway and I began to wonder how the pilot was managing to navigate his way there, let alone take off, but he did both and within seconds we were airborne and above the fog and were greeted by 'excellent flying conditions'. There were clear skies all the way to London Heathrow's Terminal 5.

In Milano...ranting and raving

A very pleasant and smooth British Airways flight from Heathrow Terminal Five took me into Milano's Linate airport this evening and after a hassle-free taxi ride to my hotel, the Best Western Hotel Galles in the centre of the city, I took a short stroll to the amazing central railway station, an incredible building if ever there was one. Go check it out! I bet Michael Portillo has been here.

View from room 571, Hotel Galles, Milan

Anyway, the station was a short walk from the hotel so I moseyed on down there and bought myself a ticket to Firenze - that's Florence if you were wondering. I'm on business tomorrow but then I'm on private time for the weekend. So, I bought my ticket and walked back towards the hotel with every intention of having dinner there, but on the way back I spotted a great little restaurant, so good I can't remember the name of it, but that might be something to do with the Chianti Classico and the weird lemon liqueur they served up (I think it's called Limoncello).

The meal was okay. Alright, it could have been better, but that wasn't the restaurant's fault, it was mine. Why? Because I should have opted for simplicity but didn't. I should have ordered a pizza and a glass of wine, but instead I opted for risotto to start followed by fillet of sole, except that it clearly wasn't a fillet. An embarassing moment occured. Or rather a panicky situation developed. Not as bad as it could have been. I could have choked on a fish bone. I might have needed the waiters to turn me upside down to dislodge a fishbone, but oh no, it wasn't that bad. I took a mouthful of fish only to discover that I had a mouthful of bones and needed to get rid of them pronto! The only option open to me was to spit them out into the napkin, which I did surrepticiously, and then guarded the napkin with my life. The last thing I wanted now was for a waiter to whisk the napkin away from me and empty its contents - spat out fish and bones - on himself or even another guest. Had something like that happened I would have died on the spot. But it didn't, fortunately. In the end, when nobody was looking, I put the offending napkin on a table recently vacated by four women. They looked like the sort of people who would spit a load of fish bones into a napkin.

I left a cash tip, but I should have walked out without giving them so much as a dime, but it wasn't their fault. The place was great, it certainly had a lot more atmosphere than the hotel restaurant. I'd travelled up to the sixth floor to check it out and found it seriously lacking in the atmosphere and general comfort department. It was drab, poorly-lit and, I'm afraid, considerably depressing. Fortunately none of the waiters saw me leave, so I was in the clear. I hadn't ordered anything.

Room 571, Hotel Galles, Milan

And now I sit on the ground floor, in the lobby area of the hotel, close to the bar, in what amounts to the Hotel Galles' business centre - a couple of workstations and a printer, but it's fine, honestly, so I'll crack on.

There are many things I should be writing about, but I might leave it as I need to get some sleep. A busy day tomorrow awaits me, but there is time to dish up a few awards. As you might imagine, travelling often means reading newspapers and newspapers always make me angry. Angry enough to put pen to paper, so I thought I'd introduce some awards.

1. Atrocity of the Week - this goes to India and four men arrested in Northern India over allegations that they burnt alive two low-caste children. One has to ask why, but sadly the answer is simply not good enough as it involved a group of men killing an eight-month old girl and her two-year-old brother by igniting gasoline poured through the windows of their home. What else can be said other than what bastards! "This is a fight among families, not about castes," said Hawahar Yadav, an official from the office of Harayana's chief minister. Oh, well that's alright, burn some more children, don't worry about us.

2. Nob Cheese of the Week - well it has to go to BMW driver Neil Waugh who blocked the way of two paramedics urgently trying to get to hospital. There is a word I would like to use to describe this man, but despite the fact that it is only four letters, it is offensive in the extreme as it rhymes with hunt and runt. Needless to say, Waugh has tried to weedle out of it saying he has been portrayed as the kind of person who would rather let someone die in an ambulance than move his car. Well, yes, that is because you DID just that, you, you, you... (fill in your own expletives).

3. Political Wanker of the Week - it has to be David Cameron for so many reasons, one being that he is David Cameron, but also because he is reportedly 'delighted' that his plan to cut tax credits has passed the House of Commons. He is also Political Wanker of the Week because he cannot stand up to the Chinese and tell them to fuck off. Rather than do that he's gone and involved them in our nuclear power supply. What a runt! Furthermore, he is clearly going to do nothing to save our ailing steel industry, which is also the fault of the Chinese. Sod the red carpet treatment, that Xi Jinping needs a slap! Innit!

I'm off to bed. Goodnight!