Erlangen to Frankfurt Flughafen by train...

Friday, 16th October 2026: My time in Erlangen was short. I arrived around 1926hrs and went straight out to a restaurant to meet colleagues. I got to bed around 2300hrs having realised that I'd left my electric toothbrush at home. Rooky mistake. I went down to the front desk of the Novotel Hotel and they had not only a toothbrush but also some terrible-looking sachets of toothpaste. For me, toothpaste comes in a tube, not sachets. I should have gone over the road to the ESSO garage, a 24-hour facility I could see from my hotel room window, four floors up (room 431). Had I done so, I could have bought a decent tube of the stuff and a brand new toothbrush. Over the time I was in my hotel room I stared a lot at the garage, watching cars arrive and depart, but I didn't twig that I could simply walk over there and buy what I needed and more, the shop was full of everything. I could even have enjoyed breakfast over there courtesy of a few chairs and tables that turned the place into a restaurant of sorts. There were even books to read, although I'd guess they were all written in German.

Beef goulash and rice...lovely!

I never did a great deal in Erlangen mainly because I was alone, which was extremely boring. I did get out and about and found a great place that sold excellent hot food and pastries and had an eating area. It was licensed, it was a butchery, it was everything rolled into one. I ordered beef goulash and rice, a non-alcohol beer and an apple Danish and sat there, in my element, enjoying every bit of it before heading back to the hotel, to do what I don't know. I was just not in the mood for anything. On non-alcohol beer, I know I've said it before, but it's best not to bother, just order a mineral water and be done with it.

Later that day I had a decidedly average burger in the hotel bar. The chips were good and the burger was okay (and by that I mean the actual burger, the meat bit) but I left half of the bun, the tomato and the onion. Another alcohol-free beer (I'll never learn) was ordered when perhaps a cup of tea would have been more palatable, who knows? I only thought of tea because the hotel breakfast tea was very good, but it was all academic as I ordered another soapy non-alcohol beer.

There was nothing to do in the room and I couldn't be bothered to watch television or read a book. For some reason, the hotel lacked something. There was nowhere to sit down in comfort and enjoy reading, everything was slightly off-kilter for that sort of thing; there was not enough bustle and the lighting was wrong. There was little to do other than hit the sack, which I did. I managed to sleep until around 0400hrs when I awoke and did nothing but try to get back to sleep. I managed to nod off and the alarm woke me at around 0600hrs. It was then, as I stared out of the window at the ESSO garage that I realised I could buy a tube of toothpaste instead of the awful sachets from the front desk. I decided to go down there and get a tube of toothpaste and then take an early breakfast in the hotel restaurant, which was the usual self-service set-up and not bad at all, especially the tea. Scrambled egg, roasted potatoes and sausages followed by yoghurt with cranberries and chia seeds... and all was good. 

My train was delayed 48 minutes, time for tea!

Or was it? Not really. I sat alone slowly coming to the realisation that, in life, there is absolutely no point in busting a gut for anybody. You only get rewarded in this world if you're a cunt and there are many of them around, believe me. If you're a misogynist or untrustworthy in any way you'll go along way, but if you go above and beyond in whatever it is you do, you'll likely be regarded as the enemy of the state and you won't be thanked for your efforts. I had a job once where I was in charge of coming up with event ideas. I did pretty well thinking up competitions and awards and was making a considerable amount of money for the company concerned. When my publisher resigned he told me that I should ask for commission, which I did, but they said no. Fortunately, coming up with event ideas wasn't part of my job, it was something I did in addition to what I was paid to do. So I stopped and within a few weeks revenue took a tumble as nobody else in the business had any ideas and were incapable of persuading FMCG marketing directors to part with large sums of money. So they came back to me, tails between legs, and agreed a commission fee. I restarted thinking up and selling events and made a considerable amount of money. My advice, then, is simple: just do the job you're employed to do and nothing else. Don't be the hero, it won't be appreciated and, therefore, it is not worth doing. Come to think of it, why do favours for anybody unless it's a matter of life or death and even then be wary.

So what is important? Good question. Well, you're own well-being. Look after number one! Try to keep fit and eat well. The other, of course, is your family. I need to be fitter than I am, I need to eat less too but that's about it.

Nurnberger Markthalle...fantastic sausages!

The train from Nuremburg to Frankfurt was delayed by almost an hour, 48 minutes to be precise, so I bought a cup of English Breakfast Tea (actually, it was Assam) from a place on Nuremburg station having taken the RE19 local train from Erlangen to Nuremberg.

Nurnberger Markthalle was an amazing place, a kind of food court full of great things like sausages, huge ones, and if I hadn't enjoyed a decent breakfast at the hotel, I might have ordered one or two. In fact, I wish I had. After my tea and croissant (just a normal one) I went back to the platform. The ICE train rolled in around 10 minutes later. I hadn't reserved a seat and had to find one that was free, which was fairly easy, and then settled down for the journey. I had bought myself a bar of Ritter Sport milk chocolate and saved it specifically for this journey. I ordered tea from the buffet car and then enjoyed both the tea and the chocolate.

Ritter Sport and tea...wonderful!

The train chugged its way to Wurzburg and outside there were hazy grey skies. It was a little chilly, or it was in Nuremburg, so I'm assuming it's the same here too. The train moves on, next stop Aschaffenburg and on either side are deep and misty forests. I'm wondering whether there might be bears in Germany. The mist hangs low over woods and villages and it's almost festive, even if it's not yet halloween. Now there's a huge lake or river on the left hand side of the train. I remember it from the outward journey. 

I love the villages and the general vibe of Germany and I love how green everything is. The forests are deep and dark and the railway lines cut through the middle.

People are disembarking at Aschaffenberg, it's a big place, not some small village like those I've seen hugging the forests. The skies are now blue and there are scattered clouds, the earlier grey skies have gone away for now. It's 1123hrs as we pull out of the station, just half an hour before I need to be at the airport, but actually, it looks as if all will be okay despite the delay. We are due to arrive in Frankfurt at 1201hrs, exactly two hours before I am due to take off. I'm wondering if I'd get home quicker by train as this one arrives in Dusseldorf at 1313hrs and I'm sure I'd get a train to Brussels from there and then into St. Pancras International. I'd be bang in the centre of town, there would be no need to take the Heathrow Express, just a tube to Victoria and then home. But I can't do that as I have a return flight to London Heathrow booked. I'd prefer the train but it's not going to happen unless all flights out of Frankfurt have been cancelled.

On leaving Aschaffenberg we are soon in the suburbs, quite nice ones too, and once again I find myself saying that I could live here and it would be the truth. The sun is out, the roads are clear, the tarmac black in stark contrast to the white lines in the middle of the road, there are no pot holes or any kind of patchwork repairs, the roads are immaculate. Even blocks of flats and allotments look good here and of course the sunshine helps. Germany looks good in the winter too. There's about 30 minutes to go before I disembark, which is a shame as there's nothing better than a long train journey, and for my money this one ain't long enough.

Outside there are deserted streets and parked cars, there appears to be nobody about. The houses and apartments are clean and while occasionally there is graffiti, I can't understand it so it's not offensive to me.

I managed to get a window seat on the flight home, which was good.

I could have stayed on to Dusseldorf

As I write this we're going through Hanau, which appears to be light industrial and the train has slowed down. Building materials, industrial estates, blocks of flats but still empty streets and now a wide river. I spot a lone woman sitting at a bus stop and then fields and light woodland before flats appear again, and then we dive into the woods before more houses and flats appear, more industrial buildings and cars on the move. A huge factory appears and then disappears and then we're back again in a built-up area and we're about to arrive at Frankfurt Main (Sud). The train is slowing and in the distance I can a see a plane heading towards the airport.

Sometimes, especially on a sunny day, I find myself looking at open fields and imagining myself, perhaps willing myself, into them, as if I could dream myself out of the train and into the field. It's impossible but it's good to think about stuff like that, willing myself to be there and not here on the train, but if it was possible I'm sure I'd inconvenience myself in some way or other, watching the train and my luggage disappear without me as I sit helplessly on the damp grass wondering where I could get a taxi to the airport.

We arrived at Frankfurt Flughafen with time to spare...

We're due to arrive at the Flughafen at 1205hrs, that's in about 10 minutes, so I'd better start preparing myself for disembarkation. The train is pulling out of the station, slowly, and I spy a Lidl, which I think is more popular in Germany than it is in the UK. A voice on the intercom announces: "Our next stop is Frankfurt Airport".