Lockdown, Part Five: It's getting on my nerves!

I don't know why, but there are a number of words that are used relentlessly by the media, especially in a crisis, and I can't stand them: 'community' is the worst as it conjures up a situation, in my mind at any rate, where people live like the animals in Brambly Hedge. As if we're all mice wearing Easter bonnets and aprons and living in tree trunks, bidding a friendly 'good morning' to our neighbours while our kids roll hoops down grassy hillocks. No! It's not true! We all hate each other, we all think our neighbour is a disease-ridden scumbag to be avoided at all costs. Stop deceiving us! We know it's not true!

Covid-19 - it's a global catastrophe!

The crisis rolls on, and so does 'lockdown'. Boris Johnson, our PM, has been taken into intensive care and we're all faced with the horror of having Dominic Raab on the bridge, steering us towards the iceberg. There are, as we all know, many nobs in our country, most of whom have been panic-buying groceries, leaving our supermarket shelves empty of bog rolls and pasta. They've now moved on to ignoring the Government's social distancing rules, congregating in parks, cycling in packs and ramming themselves into crowded trains. The big worry is that the Government decides to intensify the lockdown and stop us from exercising out of the home. I sincerely hope this doesn't happen because I work from home all day and I need to get out and take some exercise. I've chosen to ride the bike, alone, every day. My 'week' runs from Tuesday to Sunday, I have one day of rest and this week I managed to cover 60 miles, roughly the equivalent of riding to the lakes twice. I'm going to step this up to 10 miles per day as the default setting, last week it was eight miles, the week before was six, but the weekend enabled me to up the mileage by 30 miles. While out my first ride of the weekend I noticed groups of Lycra monkeys flouting the rules and it made me angry.

Let's hope it passes over soon

And now here we are on week three of the lockdown. I have to say that I've gotten used to it. I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it, but I kind of know where I stand with it. I work from home during the day, I break for lunch, I sit in the garden enjoying the sunshine - because that's the worst thing, the weather is good and we can't take advantage of it.

Keep clear of your disease-ridden, scumbag neighbours and fellow shoppers

In many ways, I've stopped watching the news and media reports. It's the same as Brexit, once I get the gist of what's happening, there's no need to watch GMTV or listen to LBC and even if I do, I find I'm not really listening. Obviously there are spikes in the story, like Johnson heading for hospital, that make me sit up, but other than that the story is simple: a virus, a deadly virus, we're all in lockdown, it's going to get worse, the media are going over-the-top (as always) and need to be listened to with a large pinch of salt, the Government's daily press briefings are a sham, questions aren't answered, and let's make one thing absolutely clear: the current situation is nothing like the Blitz, nothing at all. Imagine how bad it would be if there were bombs dropping on your houses? Imagine rationing and having loved ones conscripted into the army, fighting overseas, think about V1s (doodlebugs) and V2s, gas masks, air raid shelters. I just wish the media would shut up going on about fucking Vera Lynn, I wish the Queen hadn't used the phrase 'we'll meet again' in her address to the nation. Where are the barrage balloons? No! It's nothing like the Second World War! Get over it!

Don't forget to buy out all the toilet rolls from your local supermarket

Like everybody, I want things to go back to normal, I certainly don't want them to get worse. We must not forget, however, that things aren't as bad as we think they are; the media (both mainstream and 'social') is behind the panic. They LOVE the virus! They're ramping up the hysteria and we're all buying it. And don't you hate the way they throw in the cute home videos of people stuck indoors, singing and 'making the most of it'? It's cringeworthy. I can't stand the way television news reporters have been forced to perfect their 'serious faces', a constant frown as they speak as if they have a migraine.

The important thing to remember is this: it will end!

The important thing to remember is this: it will end, sooner or later; it's not THAT bad. I mean, think what it would be like if the virus was airborne and not simply transferable from human to human. I suppose it would be a little more like the blitz as the media could compare the virus with German Heinkels or Stukas. Imagine not being able to go out into the open air for fear of catching the damn thing, so it's really nothing to get overly concerned about and that's why it's not worth listening too much to the media. Fine for a bit of light entertainment watching Piers Morgan lose his rag with some politician or Emily Maitlis being annoyingly right about everything. Fine to sit there watching the press briefing having a competition with your nearest and dearest about when those behind the lecterns are actually going to address the questions asked, or laughing at the ignorance of the Scottish chief medical officer who, in my opinion, should have lost her rag and instead of saying sorry to the nation, tipped over said lectern and told everybody to fuck off. "I'm going back to my country retreat, you miserable fuckers, I don't need the money, so piss off!

COVID-19: It can be fatal, but in 80% of cases, expect only mild symptoms

And please, keep that Fergus Walsh away from me. I can't stand him. He's so smugly overly knowledgeable about everything COVID-19 and he too is enjoying every minute of the pandemic. All we need to know is that it can be fatal for some people and that it's best to self-distance when out and stay indoors as much as possible. End of.

All I can say is thank the Lord for Amazon Prime. I'm now embarking upon Season 3 of the X-Files having already watched Seasons 1 and 2 and on that front alone, I'm enjoying the lockdown.

There's going to be a pink moon tonight, don't miss it!

* Photos courtesy of Pixabay.com