A few thoughts on mental health and politics

Lots to discuss, but perhaps a bit about my mental health first. Today, now, as I sit here at 2058hrs on a Monday evening, I feel good - good enough to write something - I feel okay and by that I mean I don't have bouts of butterflies in my stomach or that awful feeling that something terrible might be happening, commonly known, I'm told, as a panic attack, something I've been subjected to ever since my sister passed away, or rather while she was in the process of passing away. I remember clearly, on the day she died, on 2nd December 2023, leaving the hospital with my niece and my brother and almost finding it impossible to drive them round to mum's. Seriously, it wasn't good, but it subsided and then it would return or it might not return until the following day but it was always around. I had it yesterday for a short while and it was such that I said no, I wasn't up to driving somewhere (Forest Row near East Grinstead) only to discover a few moments later that, actually, I was alright, and then off we went and I never had any problems. So, anyway, here I am, in fine fettle, just had a chat with the illustrious illustrator (my pal Geoff) about politics and guitars and, well, the conversation ended up with a chat about IZAL medicated toilet paper (I brought it up) and that came about because Geoff was talking about how Jimmy Hendrix, on Crosstown Traffic, used a comb and some tracing paper, which makes a sound similar to a gazoo, to achieve a certain sound. We'd been talking about Duane Eddy's Peter Gunne and, well, either way we ended up talking about bog roll, mainly because I remember, as a kid, using a comb and some IZAL medicated toilet paper to make the sound of a gazoo. In my school days, if you needed a poo you'd have the indignity of using IZAL medicated toilet paper and let's just say that it wasn't a very pleasant experience. It seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet and replaced by something a little more comfortable.

So, yes, the conversation nose-dived from politics and talking about James O'Brien's book How They Broke Britain to discussing the awfulness of IZAL medicated toilet paper.

But getting back to my mental state (which is fine). I just seem be having these weird panic attacks which date back to my sister's untimely and tragic death just before Christmas last year and now, of course, my mum having all these falls in her house, which have led to the attacks continuing. I'm fine when I'm on the bike, I'm fine at work or on the train to and from work and I'm fine now, at home, at 2109hrs. My question is this: how come I'm okay now, but I wasn't okay for a lot of yesterday? What have I done today that I hadn't done yesterday, what had I been eating yesterday that I've avoided today? Well, cake springs to mind. Perhaps it's got something to do with sugar, I don't know. I even had a cappuccino on Saturday, that's always a no-no for me. Coffee often makes me feel a little weird. But earlier I said I didn't experience any panic attacks whilst on the bike on Sunday (yesterday) but I was getting it slightly in Sheree's for some reason. It's a very odd thing. Perhaps today I've tried to steer clear of subjects that are stressful, like my mum, but let's leave it there as I don't want to start feeling strange again. Right now, I'm fine, and that's the main thing.

So what else? Politics, of course. For a start, I'm glad the Tories were absolutely trounced on Thursday last week. Labour is now in power under the leadership of Sir Keir Starmer, and all I can say about the Tories is good riddance. We had 14 years of crap from the Tories from David Cameron onwards. In fact, Cameron set the ball in motion for Brexit and then, once achieved, he resigned and the country was subjected to a load of disgusting and incompetent Tory Leaders: Theresa May (she wasn't too bad) Boris Johnson, Liz Truss and, of course, Rishi Sunak. But how awful have the Tories been? Extremely awful. Austerity under Cameron and Osborne, Theresa May's awful premiership, which involved the whole 'hostile environment' strategy, and then, of course, Bojo, Boris Johnson and the Partygate scandal and other disgusting activities, all the corruption, the row about his wallpaper, the sleaze, I can't remember half of what he got up to, but we all know that he was an out and out liar and eventually he had to go. But then came Liz Truss, who messed up the economy with her mini-budget, which led to her being the prime minister who reigned for the shortest ever time, I think it was 47 days or something absolutely ridiculous. Lastly, Sunak, a multi-millionaire, actually, make that billionaire, a man so out of touch with the people he's supposed to be governing it beggars belief. Well, he's gone, they've all gone, and thank the Lord for that. We've all been waiting ages for the general election and we all voted with our feet when it came. The Labour Party has a stonking majority, the country went from blue to red overnight and many people have been sighing a huge sigh of relief at the thought that they've gone. 

I was glad to see the back of Jacob Rees-Mogg, Grant Schapps, Liz Truss, the list goes on and on and on, but they've gone! The public has spoken and that's what's great about living in a democracy and not a dictatorship. They've gone! But there's more to the politics of stupidity than the Tory party. Take a wider view, there's so much wrong with our political classes, they're just not that good. I've said before that we need "proper politicians" and they're out there, believe me. 

Unfortunately for me, I live in a staunch Tory constituency so my vote for Labour was well and truly wasted, although I shouldn't really think that way, but it's true. To be fair, I suppose that if everybody switched and voted Labour then Chris Philp would be out of the picture, but he's still here as my local MP and he has a position in the shadow cabinet too, and I suppose you have to ask why. Well, in my case it's, as I say, because I live in a staunch Tory constituency and there are people who would vote Tory whatever happened, but there are other situations where it's the individual who carries the weight and not, if you like, the politics. Take, for example, Jeremy Corbyn. Now I know he's not everybody's cup of tea and that he's pretty extreme left wing (which a lot of people don't like) but ultimately the people of Islington North voted for him as an independent candidate because it was him they trusted to do their bidding in Parliament. In short, whatever you think of Corbyn (I like him) he is a proper politican, not a career politican (of which there were many in the Tory Party since 2010) but a genuine individual who the voters want be they Labour or Independent. I'm sure there are Tories who garner the same kind of admiration, because not all Tories are bad people in the same way that not all Labour or Green or Lib-Dem politicians are not worth voting for. I'm sure there are Tory MPs out there who are respected because of who they are and what they have done for their constituents, which makes it all the worse for them when the greater party (the likes of Johnson and Truss and Sunak and others) let the side down and ruin it for genuinely decent people. It's a shame we can bring together the best politicians, the proper politicians and make up a party that serves all, has left and right leanings and compromises where compromise is needed.

Listen, let's talk about stupidity. I'll admit that I'm fairly left leaning in my politics (that's not the stupid bit). But the last thing I want is to have Donald Trump in the White House at the end of the year, with people like Nigel Farage fawning over him like he did the last time. The last thing I want is for that idiot with a daft haircut to throw Ukraine under the bus and side with the Russians and the awful Victor Orban of Hungary. I wish, as I'm sure you'll imagine, that Putin would get the hell out of Ukraine. But it's looking as if the Democrats are going to shoot themselves in the foot by keeping Joe Biden in the job when it's clear that he's going to be regarded by the American public as somebody not up to the job and that means another term for the fucking Donald, the last thing the world needs. So I'd say sort it out now, not later, get somebody else in place and don't let that idiot Trump come back into power again, the man is an imbecile of the highest order. But no, rather than see the threat for what it is, Biden is "not going anywhere" and, therefore, is putting himself over the interests of the American people. What is wrong with him?

The weather in the UK has been atrocious. Really piss poor. Rain, cloud, not nice and it's affected the riding. I didn't go out Saturday morning because it was raining. Fortunately the weather was fine for Sunday so I met Andy as planned at Sheree's. I've been alternating my rides (not deliberately) but in line with the weather. One minute two rides over a weekend, the next just one ride. It's not been good and now I'm definitely going to get swimming sorted out. I know I keep saying I will, but, yeah, in fact, let's not say anything, it's safer.

What's going on is so obvious, but nobody seems to see it!

Let's start with an obvious point: Donald Trump, like Boris Johnson, is clearly not going to be the most liked President of the USA. The fact that he counts the likes of jailed Tommy Robinson, Katie Hopkins and Piers Morgan as friends, three people who, like Trump, are, in many people's opinions, well let's say a little too right wing for their own good, and not the sort of people you would in anyway trust to run the country.

Brexit is our equivalent of Trump, it's brought all the closet racists out of the woodwork and out of the Tory party. A lot of the people I know who are Tories, not all of them, but a lot of them, have often let slip mildly racist views and now that we have Brexit, well, it's out there, it's being almost legitimised. Trump doesn't like Sadiq Khan for one reason: he's a Muslim.

So Trump is in the UK as I write this and he's been talking to the Sun newspaper (a Rupert Murdoch paper, make of that what you will). He says that the deal Theresa May has struck with the EU will make striking a trade deal with the US difficult if not impossible. I wonder why? Well, the EU has very strict rules on all sorts of things, mainly to keep its citizens in good health. It doesn't want us to eat hormone-injected beef or chlorinated chicken, but Trump doesn't give a shit about us, he just wants our money. Remember: never trust a businessman. Imagine if Alan Sugar was our Prime Minister. How awful would that be!

Trump doesn't have our interests at heart, let's not forget that. He wants a hard Brexit, he wants us in a weak position so he can offload his beef and chicken (and other goods) on our shores so of course he says May's deal will kill any deal with the US. He knows that the EU doesn't want his goods, but he also knows that if we are out of the EU and desperate for a trade deal, he can offload all his stuff without any worries about the EU. We would be so desperate, we'd sign on the dotted line immediately.

Little did she know he'd already stabbed her in the back...

Trump thinks that Bozo Johnson would make a good Prime Minister. What? The man is a complete buffoon who should never have been in government let alone Foreign Secretary. With his stupid haircut (all done for effect) and his affected bumbling manner, the man is, like Trump, completely unfit for a political career.

Every day I find it quite unbelievable that we've allowed all this to happen. Talk about the lunatics taking over the asylum. Suddenly they've all come to the fore: Nigel Farage, Johnson, Liam Fox, the laughable Jacob Rees-Mogg, none of them, in my humble opinion, should be allowed to run the country and it amazes me how nobody gets it. 

The worse thing is this: I think Trump will get a second term. Imagine that: Trump gets a second term! How terrible will that be? And in this country I'm guessing we'll leave the EU without a deal and then in will flow Trump's beef and chicken. Sadly there's no opposition to speak of. The alternative is Jeremy Corbyn. Sadder still is I have no Irish ancestry, I'm British through and through so I can't even change my nationality.

So, here's my predictions: Trump will run a second term and the UK will leave the EU without a deal. Despicable situation. If I could leave the country, I would.

Great weather and two rides – to Westerham and the Tatsfield Churchyard

Outside of Westerham on the ride home, Saturday 20 May 2017

When I opened my eyes I got a shock. It was light outside. I simply can't get used to the fact that summer has simply arrived unannounced. It seems like only yesterday that it was dark in the mornings and that slippers were needed as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs. The sunlight was filtering through the curtains and I started to consider black-out drapes, like those found in Alaskan hotels during the summer months, making it possible to sleep in a place where there's only four hours of night time. I remember once sitting in the bar of the Anchorage Hilton at 2330hrs and it could have been 1100hrs instead.

It was Saturday morning, I remembered, and immediately recalled how last week at this exact time I was still three hours away from Heathrow Terminal Five in a jumbo jet, seat 32C, on a BA flight from Dallas Forth Worth.

Outside of Westerham on the way home, Saturday...

I hadn't been cycling for two weeks and was in desperate need of the exercise, so I jumped out of bed, changed into my riding gear (jodhpurs, red hunting jacket and knee-high, polished boots) and headed downstairs to make breakfast (two Weetabix, grapes, blueberries, banana and raspberries topped with some natural yoghurt. I also made myself a cup of tea – no sugar).

All week has been strained due to slowly fading jet lag, but I'm fine now and a decent ride on the bike is just what the doctor ordered.

I unpadlocked the bike and headed out along the usual route, meeting Andy at the green where we decided to ride to Westerham (a 22-mile round trip) where, we discovered, preparations were underway for a summer fair. A smallish group of people, including the local Rotary Club, were setting up display stands as Andy and I sipped tea and munched biscuits, our bikes resting against the park bench on which we were sitting.

Fortunately a horse arrived meaning no shots of gravestones. Pic: Andy Smith

We sat there until just before 0900hrs watching other people work and then mounted our bikes for the arduous journey up the hill. When we were back at the green we vowed to meet on Sunday, although we hadn't discussed the destination other than to say we might go to Westerham again (just like in the good old days) or even the trusty old Tatsfield churchyard, always a good sunny day destination.

On Saturday afternoon there was a bit of rain here and there, but nothing too depressing, and now, on Sunday morning at 0654hrs it is another bright day, just like yesterday. In fact it would be fair to say that this weekend has been the best in terms of the weather so far this year. I'm sure things will get even better as the summer progresses, but right now it's the best to date. In fact, today is the best day of all.

We met on the green at the usual time and decided to head for the Tatsfield Churchyard – the fast way. For some reason we couldn't face Beddlestead Lane. Andy was complaining of tiredness and there's little worse than the slow way to anywhere when you're feeling a little under the weather. We haven't been to the churchyard since 10 September last year (click here for more).

Last week Andy rode to the lakes...

When we arrived we talked about politics and the forthcoming election, we chatted about photography and social media and then set about taking photographs of a white horse grazing in an adjacent field before heading home again.

Ultimately the theme of our conversation was futility, which left us both feeling a little futile on the return journey. I was thinking about the sad inevitability of Theresa May being in Number 10 for the next five years and on top of that I was considering the world of social media and its futility, not to mention the futility of gardening, which I would be engaging in later in the day. The futility of gardening, however, is a little nonsensical, a bit like saying that shaving is futile. Yes, the grass grows back and so does the beard, but at least while you're keeping grass and stubble at bay there's a general tidiness about the situation. Unkempt grass and an unkempt beard don't exactly add up to anything positive and rather reflect neglect and apathy. A bit like my hair over the last week or two. After about eight weeks it gets a little straggly and I start to look like the Toecutter from the early Mad Max movies, but for some reason it takes me an age to get around to visiting the barber. I made it yesterday, however, and now I feel clean cut again and ready for what the world might throw at me.

Sunday's weather was bags better than Saturday's. For a start there was no rain, but there was also plenty of warm sunshine and it's still shining now at almost 7pm.

Our ride home retraced the outward route. We followed Clarks Lane towards Botley Hill and then turned right and rode straight down the 269 heading north towards Warlingham where we parted company. When I reached home I chilled for a bit, then had a shower and then went into the garden to mow the lawn. The original plan was to do both front and back, but a rogue sycamore tree had to be dealt with and after I'd cut it into pieces and placed it in the brown cart so kindly provided by the local council, my enthusiasm had waned.

A few words about the Specialized Rockhopper. It's now roughly six months old and while I'm tempting fate by saying I've yet to have a puncture, it's the truth. The bike's been performing well, but recently there's been a strange noise in top gear, not dissimilar to the noise made by a handful of small plastic bearings being shaken gently in a tin can. It's not affecting the performance of the bike so I'm not too bothered about it.

The ramblings of a bunged up man...

The two great parallel stories of our time – Brexit and the election of Donald Trump as president of the USA – are continuing to frustrate and anger people and this is very odd. Odd in the sense that normally, when the Tories or Labour win an election or whether it's Democrat or Republican in the USA, people accept the result and get on with it. Similarly with the referendum one might have thought. The public was asked to make a decision, it made one and that's that, we all get on with it.

Donald Trump – his arm is long, his vengeance is total...

But no, not so. Ever since Brexit and then Trump's victory across the Atlantic there has been a dogged determination by those who lost to question the decisions made by 'the people'. In the UK the vote was fairly close, but nobody is prepared to accept the result and one wonders what might have happened had the referendum gone the other way. Would the people we now call Brexiteers be 'getting on with it' or would they be out protesting? Something tells me that because 'the establishment' effectively lost, they simply can't let it go, and similarly in the USA.

Now, admittedly, in the USA, the choice of Trump as president is a little concerning as here is a so-called 'populist' figure with no prior experience of holding political office in charge of the most powerful country in the world. Only days into his presidency, Mr Trump has lived up to his campaign promises about building a wall between the USA and Mexico and banning muslims from selected countries (Syria, Iran, Iraq, Yemen, Somalia and others I can't remember). These two 'executive orders', signed last week, have ruffled many feathers, but what I find odd is that the general vibe is that President Trump and Brexit are the wrong decisions and that the supposed moral high ground lies with those who voted Democrat and those who voted to remain in the European Union. Surely, this is wrong. Trump won, therefore, he's the rightful occupant in the White House and the Brexiteers won the day on this side of the pond. But no, nobody is prepared to accept the results. It seems that Trump supporters and Brexiteers are 'the bad guys'.

Mexico isn't amused...

The media, of course, is having a field day. Shouldn't Theresa May be condemning Trump's decision to ban muslims? Well, no, not really. Trump's decision on who he lets in to his country is Trump's decision and it's not really for us or anybody to comment unless, of course, it has a detrimental effect on UK citizens, which I'm sure it will have.

I've spent a lot of time in an armchair today watching the Sunday morning political programmes: Andrew Marr, Andrew Neil and, of course, the BBC News channel, not forgetting Breakfast and it goes without saying that all of these programmes have focused on Trump and Brexit. Tim Farron, the leader of the Liberal Democrats – who in my opinion looks remarkably like a young Ken Livingstone – is firmly in the anti-Brexit camp and wants a second referendum once the negotiations surrounding Article 50 are done and dusted. But there's talk about the EU and the Single Market as two distinct entities, although to be in latter you have to accept free movement of people, which was the Brexiteers' cornerstone argument behind leaving the EU. Immigration and 'taking back control' were the key issues whatever anybody says, and the issues are the same in the USA too, hence the current furore over Trump's latest executive order.

"Ter-raiser, I think I could get you a part in Toy Story 4..."

But one thing you have to say about Trump is that he delivers on his promises. He was banging on about the Muslims being banned and the Mexicans being shut out by a wall throughout his campaign for president and now he's in the White House he's doing what his voters want him to do. Most politicians, prior to election, say they're going to do this and that and then they don't follow through, but here's Trump, bucking that trend and actually doing what he said he'd do – building the wall and shutting out immigrants from selected countries. I'm not saying I agree, but at least he's consistent.

And when people moan about Trump and about Brexit – I moaned about Brexit, but I'm over it now – perhaps they should consider the fact that our 'establishment' politicians had a habit of simply not listening to the people they represented. The European Union was arrogant enough to assume that the Brits wouldn't vote to leave and, as a result, stuck fast to its open borders principle despite the fact that entire communities in the United Kingdom have changed beyond all recognition and people were clearly concerned about losing their cultural heritage. That whole notion of 'political correctness gone mad' played its role too. It was as if everything was being done to mollify the immigrant and bugger the indigenous people of the UK – that's how a lot of people saw it and that, ultimately, is what led to Brexit. Not being an American citizen I'm guessing that something similar happened there: people no longer had any faith in establishment politicians and big political dynasties like the Clintons who put the interests of others ahead of those of the American people.

And talking of 'political correctness gone mad', it's alive and well in case you were wondering. This morning on Breakfast they had a rabbi reviewing the morning newspapers. Nothing wrong with that, but one of the first stories she latched on to was that fact that the transgender community wants to do away with the word 'mother' or 'mothering' when it comes to children because of its association with the female and not the male. This story was something to do with the British Medical Association and even the presenters of the programme seemed to bristle at this rabbi's views. She started to go on about the word 'surname' and how it was too masculine and that we should all use the phrase 'family name' instead. It's stuff like this that angers the masses and has led to Brexit. For too many years now, the establishment has been getting away with it, but not any more, it seems. People have had enough and basically voted with their feet. They'd seen enough of Eddie Izzard in a pink beret on Question Time and Sir Bob in a boat on the Thames shouting the odds at Farage through a megaphone.

Brexit divided the UK and led to Donald Trump some say...

I can only assume that in the German elections later this year, Merkel will get her 'come uppance' and will be ousted for her decision to allow, unvetted, millions of refugees and asylum seekers from the Middle East into the country. Her fate might well have been sealed after the incidents in Cologne and elsewhere on New Year's Eve 2015 when, as the media reported, there appeared to be a 'mass groping' of German women by North African men. The Germans opened their doors and look what happened; and it's stuff like this that probably stiffened Trump supporters' resolve to get their man elected. It also bolstered policies like the Mexican wall, extreme vetting of certain immigrants and so on, which are proving to be bad news and will reinforce people's dislike of the man who is now leader of the free world.

But playing the hard man at home is one thing, getting bolshy with the Chinese and the Russians and the North Koreans might prove to be tricky, and there are many people who question Trump's stance on Russia and Putin. But then Trump appears to be intent on upsetting everybody: the American people, the CIA, the muslims, the Mexicans and the international community.

I think if I was in charge of one the countries whose citizens have been banned from the USA, I'd deport all American citizens with immediate effect, invoking, perhaps, 'tit-for-tat' politics. Trump is one of those people who incites the 'fight fire with fire' attitude. But Trump is on a loser if people fight back, although he's counting on them not putting up a fight; but if you're on the receiving end of Trump xenophobia and have nothing to lose, why not?

One thing is for certain, the next four years – possibly not that long, who knows? – will be full of 'comedy gold' moments that will fuel many a satirical panel show on television for weeks to come. Will Trump go the distance? Who knows? Will he serve a second term? Who knows? I didn't expect him to win this election, let alone have a view on his chances in the next one, so it's anybody's guess. My hope is that he'll make good, he'll turn people around, get everybody on side and yes, 'make America great again'. I'd like to hope that leaving the EU will be good for the UK, but somehow, on both the American and the British situation I think it's going to end badly.