A few thoughts on mental health and politics

Lots to discuss, but perhaps a bit about my mental health first. Today, now, as I sit here at 2058hrs on a Monday evening, I feel good - good enough to write something - I feel okay and by that I mean I don't have bouts of butterflies in my stomach or that awful feeling that something terrible might be happening, commonly known, I'm told, as a panic attack, something I've been subjected to ever since my sister passed away, or rather while she was in the process of passing away. I remember clearly, on the day she died, on 2nd December 2023, leaving the hospital with my niece and my brother and almost finding it impossible to drive them round to mum's. Seriously, it wasn't good, but it subsided and then it would return or it might not return until the following day but it was always around. I had it yesterday for a short while and it was such that I said no, I wasn't up to driving somewhere (Forest Row near East Grinstead) only to discover a few moments later that, actually, I was alright, and then off we went and I never had any problems. So, anyway, here I am, in fine fettle, just had a chat with the illustrious illustrator (my pal Geoff) about politics and guitars and, well, the conversation ended up with a chat about IZAL medicated toilet paper (I brought it up) and that came about because Geoff was talking about how Jimmy Hendrix, on Crosstown Traffic, used a comb and some tracing paper, which makes a sound similar to a gazoo, to achieve a certain sound. We'd been talking about Duane Eddy's Peter Gunne and, well, either way we ended up talking about bog roll, mainly because I remember, as a kid, using a comb and some IZAL medicated toilet paper to make the sound of a gazoo. In my school days, if you needed a poo you'd have the indignity of using IZAL medicated toilet paper and let's just say that it wasn't a very pleasant experience. It seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet and replaced by something a little more comfortable.

So, yes, the conversation nose-dived from politics and talking about James O'Brien's book How They Broke Britain to discussing the awfulness of IZAL medicated toilet paper.

But getting back to my mental state (which is fine). I just seem be having these weird panic attacks which date back to my sister's untimely and tragic death just before Christmas last year and now, of course, my mum having all these falls in her house, which have led to the attacks continuing. I'm fine when I'm on the bike, I'm fine at work or on the train to and from work and I'm fine now, at home, at 2109hrs. My question is this: how come I'm okay now, but I wasn't okay for a lot of yesterday? What have I done today that I hadn't done yesterday, what had I been eating yesterday that I've avoided today? Well, cake springs to mind. Perhaps it's got something to do with sugar, I don't know. I even had a cappuccino on Saturday, that's always a no-no for me. Coffee often makes me feel a little weird. But earlier I said I didn't experience any panic attacks whilst on the bike on Sunday (yesterday) but I was getting it slightly in Sheree's for some reason. It's a very odd thing. Perhaps today I've tried to steer clear of subjects that are stressful, like my mum, but let's leave it there as I don't want to start feeling strange again. Right now, I'm fine, and that's the main thing.

So what else? Politics, of course. For a start, I'm glad the Tories were absolutely trounced on Thursday last week. Labour is now in power under the leadership of Sir Keir Starmer, and all I can say about the Tories is good riddance. We had 14 years of crap from the Tories from David Cameron onwards. In fact, Cameron set the ball in motion for Brexit and then, once achieved, he resigned and the country was subjected to a load of disgusting and incompetent Tory Leaders: Theresa May (she wasn't too bad) Boris Johnson, Liz Truss and, of course, Rishi Sunak. But how awful have the Tories been? Extremely awful. Austerity under Cameron and Osborne, Theresa May's awful premiership, which involved the whole 'hostile environment' strategy, and then, of course, Bojo, Boris Johnson and the Partygate scandal and other disgusting activities, all the corruption, the row about his wallpaper, the sleaze, I can't remember half of what he got up to, but we all know that he was an out and out liar and eventually he had to go. But then came Liz Truss, who messed up the economy with her mini-budget, which led to her being the prime minister who reigned for the shortest ever time, I think it was 47 days or something absolutely ridiculous. Lastly, Sunak, a multi-millionaire, actually, make that billionaire, a man so out of touch with the people he's supposed to be governing it beggars belief. Well, he's gone, they've all gone, and thank the Lord for that. We've all been waiting ages for the general election and we all voted with our feet when it came. The Labour Party has a stonking majority, the country went from blue to red overnight and many people have been sighing a huge sigh of relief at the thought that they've gone. 

I was glad to see the back of Jacob Rees-Mogg, Grant Schapps, Liz Truss, the list goes on and on and on, but they've gone! The public has spoken and that's what's great about living in a democracy and not a dictatorship. They've gone! But there's more to the politics of stupidity than the Tory party. Take a wider view, there's so much wrong with our political classes, they're just not that good. I've said before that we need "proper politicians" and they're out there, believe me. 

Unfortunately for me, I live in a staunch Tory constituency so my vote for Labour was well and truly wasted, although I shouldn't really think that way, but it's true. To be fair, I suppose that if everybody switched and voted Labour then Chris Philp would be out of the picture, but he's still here as my local MP and he has a position in the shadow cabinet too, and I suppose you have to ask why. Well, in my case it's, as I say, because I live in a staunch Tory constituency and there are people who would vote Tory whatever happened, but there are other situations where it's the individual who carries the weight and not, if you like, the politics. Take, for example, Jeremy Corbyn. Now I know he's not everybody's cup of tea and that he's pretty extreme left wing (which a lot of people don't like) but ultimately the people of Islington North voted for him as an independent candidate because it was him they trusted to do their bidding in Parliament. In short, whatever you think of Corbyn (I like him) he is a proper politican, not a career politican (of which there were many in the Tory Party since 2010) but a genuine individual who the voters want be they Labour or Independent. I'm sure there are Tories who garner the same kind of admiration, because not all Tories are bad people in the same way that not all Labour or Green or Lib-Dem politicians are not worth voting for. I'm sure there are Tory MPs out there who are respected because of who they are and what they have done for their constituents, which makes it all the worse for them when the greater party (the likes of Johnson and Truss and Sunak and others) let the side down and ruin it for genuinely decent people. It's a shame we can bring together the best politicians, the proper politicians and make up a party that serves all, has left and right leanings and compromises where compromise is needed.

Listen, let's talk about stupidity. I'll admit that I'm fairly left leaning in my politics (that's not the stupid bit). But the last thing I want is to have Donald Trump in the White House at the end of the year, with people like Nigel Farage fawning over him like he did the last time. The last thing I want is for that idiot with a daft haircut to throw Ukraine under the bus and side with the Russians and the awful Victor Orban of Hungary. I wish, as I'm sure you'll imagine, that Putin would get the hell out of Ukraine. But it's looking as if the Democrats are going to shoot themselves in the foot by keeping Joe Biden in the job when it's clear that he's going to be regarded by the American public as somebody not up to the job and that means another term for the fucking Donald, the last thing the world needs. So I'd say sort it out now, not later, get somebody else in place and don't let that idiot Trump come back into power again, the man is an imbecile of the highest order. But no, rather than see the threat for what it is, Biden is "not going anywhere" and, therefore, is putting himself over the interests of the American people. What is wrong with him?

The weather in the UK has been atrocious. Really piss poor. Rain, cloud, not nice and it's affected the riding. I didn't go out Saturday morning because it was raining. Fortunately the weather was fine for Sunday so I met Andy as planned at Sheree's. I've been alternating my rides (not deliberately) but in line with the weather. One minute two rides over a weekend, the next just one ride. It's not been good and now I'm definitely going to get swimming sorted out. I know I keep saying I will, but, yeah, in fact, let's not say anything, it's safer.

When using the C-word is more than justified...

Spring is on the way. Andy's Kona outside Tatsfield village

The C-word. You know the one I mean, it rhymes with 'hunt' and most women find it terribly offensive. Well, there are times when its usage is justified – and widely welcomed by the general public. There are certainly occasions when, rather than vilify the person who has uttered the word, the world sits up and pats the user on the back or sticks up a thumb in agreement. Now is one of those times.

"I may have run the country," said former Tory Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne on Friday. "But I've never run a paper."

George Osborne

Well, that's as maybe, but in many ways, it was an odd thing to say. He could quite easily have commented, "I may have run the country, but I've never taken anybody's tonsils out." Can you imagine the horror of being wheeled into the operating theatre and seeing Osborne, gloving up, and saying, "I may have run the country, but I've never been a heart surgeon."

The news that Osborne had been appointed editor of the London Evening Standard came as a big shock to Andy. I broke the news to him at the Tatsfield Village bus stop after pouring the tea and munching on a BelVita. He couldn't believe it. 

"Osborne Osborne?"

"The very same," said I.

Reaching for my iphone, I found the BBC website and showed him what I regarded as a rather offensive news story.

"It's true," I said, but he still had that flabbergasted look.

Osborne has been appointed editor of the London Evening Standard, a UK free sheet that can be found on many a London railway station in the late afternoon and early evening. It is read by weary commuters on their way home from work and while I don't 'commute' into London, whenever I'm there I occasionally find myself bringing home a copy. Not any more!

There are so many things wrong with Osborne being editor of a newspaper. First, he is MP for Tatton in Cheshire and some Conservatives argue – or rather question – whether he could represent his constituents effectively while editing a daily newspaper on top of various other jobs he's doing, including being an adviser to Blackrock, supposedly the world's biggest investment fund, for which he is getting a cool £650,000 for just one day's work a month. [Insert expletive here].

In addition he's getting the best part of  million pounds for various speaking engagements and let's not forget his £75,000 MP's salary. 'Two Jags Prescott' has nothing on 'Loadsajobs Osborne.'

Once again, I find myself thinking that this is why we have Trump in the White House and Brexit in the UK; and I don't blame those who voted for either of them. People have had enough of the hypocrisy, enough of the unfairness and enough of the double standards. Don't forget that it was George Osborne who had the audacity to tell us 'we're all in it together' as he set about his austerity politics alongside his partner in crime, David Cameron, the man who put his party before the interests of the country.

Osborne earning well over a million pounds per annum brings other people's hardships into sharp focus. A report in this Saturday's Guardian explains how girls from low-income families in the UK are struggling to afford sanitary protection. It's hard to believe that a charity that provides sanitary products to women in Kenya has agreed to do the same for girls in Leeds where Freedom4Girls reported that local schools are worried about truancy when that time of the month comes round. [Cut to Osborne with his collection of high-paid jobs and privileged lifestyle and remember him telling you to cut your cloth accordingly and that 'we're all in this together', 'this' being the financial crisis that was brought about by the banks].

It is argued that Osborne will use his new role to attack the government, which some MPs describe as 'blatantly disloyal' according to a front page report in the Guardian, while other MPs have said that Osborne is gunning for the role of Mayor of London. What? He can fit that in as well?

I feel sorry for the journalists (if there were any) who applied for the job and found they had lost out to George Osborne. I can only guess what they were saying on Friday afternoon. [Insert expletive here].

With the current row about Russia's possible involvement in Western politics – and in particular its supposed role in the US presidential elections – it should come as no shock that they were involved in the Osborne deal. The London Evening Standard is co-owned by the former KGB officer Alexander Lebedev who has been quoted as saying that Osborne will be good for the newspaper. 

Silly haircut one: Michael Fabricant

Anybody with an ounce of intelligence knows that the UK media predominantly leans to the right – the Daily Telegraph is known as the 'Torygraph' and then we have white van man's bible, the Sun and Murdoch's other newspaper, the Times. On the left wing side there's the Guardian and the Daily Mirror. But to have a Tory running a newspaper as editor while he's still an MP! Why even bother reading it? I was going to say 'why bother buying it?' but it's a free sheet so all you can do in protest is not pick it up – play with your smartphone on the train home instead.

Andy says he doesn't buy newspapers anymore for the simple reason that they don't tell the truth. He's right: they only tell 'the truth' in the way they want you to believe it, with a party political slant. Arguably, you're safer with television and radio and, perhaps, using the Internet to get a range of views on whatever the subject might be. But now, of course, the London Evening Standard has gone one better. Not content with simply accepting that the public know there is a right wing bias in the press, they've decided to come right out with it and appoint Osborne, a Tory MP, as the editor. So, if you want to be fed Tory propaganda, more so than you were already, read the London Evening Standard. I won't be picking it up the next time I'm in town.

Silly haircut two: Donald Trump

The ride to Tatsfield village was characterised by grey skies and the sound of Andy and I ranting. As we wove our merry way around the quiet country lanes that constitute 'the slow way to the Tatsfield village bus stop' we unleashed our venom on Sturgeon – odd, isn't it, that the current and former leader of the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP) are both named after fish. Once again that whole 'blind faith in ideology' argument raised it's ugly head as I suggested that the SNP was like UKIP, a one-trick pony. UKIP existed to take the UK out of Europe (and is now floundering) while the SNP is designed for taking Scotland out of the Union.

Personally I don't think the majority of Scots want to leave the UK – they said so in the last referendum – and, as I've said many times before, nationalism is a dangerous thing. It's odd that Scotland wants to move away from Westminster and be governed by Brussels instead. Fortunately, May has laid down the law. She wants to deal with Brexit before saying yes to another Scottish independence referendum and who can blame her?

And then there's last week's elections in the Netherlands. Thank God Geert 'silly haircut' Wilders didn't win. He looks like a cyber Nazi from the future.

Check out those haircuts!

Silly haircut three: Geert Wilders

In fact, talking of haircuts, is it just me or does a silly haircut come as standard these days for so-called 'populist' politicians? Just take a look at the haircuts of three high profile 'politicians', all involved in 'populist' politics – albeit the wrong kind of populism in my opinion. What's populist about fascism? Boris Johnson (he who led the UK out of Europe); Geert Wilders in the Netherlands; and, of course, 'the Donald'. What have they in common? Stupid, stupid haircuts!

I don't know whether Michael Fabricant would describe himself as a populist politician, but his haircut bothers me and it should bother you too.

Silly haircut four: Boris Johnson.

After parting at Warlingham green, Andy and I rode our separate ways to our respective homes and I found myself experiencing many different emotions. The Osborne story had left me feeling peeved, miffed, angry, powerless and, above all, disillusioned with the people who are supposed to be leading the way in the world. Instead, they are exhibiting nothing but their own greed and ignorance and deserve everything they get. In short, they're a bunch of hunts, I thought, as I rode along the 269 towards the pond and free-wheeled down Church Way with my hands off the handlebars – just for the sheer fucky-offyness of it. I'd say we need some kind of revolution, but I'm beginning to think we've already had one.

"Dip, dip, dog shit, you are not it!" Or how to vote in tomorrow's EU referendum...

I think the entire EU debate has been shameful, particularly the last few days, as the 'in' campaign – aided and abetted by the BBC – has used the murder of Jo Cox MP as a reason for us all to remain in the EU. Alright, not as a 'reason' to remain, but they've certainly tried to make political capital out of it and establish connections between the murderer and the more extreme ends of the Brexit following.

But that was the most recent development; what I can't stand about the entire in/out campaign is the way that the remain camp has steadfastly refused to accept that immigration – a key issue in the eyes of the voting public – cannot be reduced if we remain in the EU. I hate the way that they weedle out of the question and I hate the way that the BBC refuses (often) to take them back to the question, leaving the person who asked the question high and dry.

Bojo and Dodgy Dave – two complete wankers!

Let's look at the Brexit Brigade, especially at last night's big debate in Wembley, where they all continued their quest of brainwashing the public by the constant repetition of the phrase, 'let's take back control'. It's quite obvious that somebody, somewhere, sat them down, came up with the phrase and told them to keep saying it, like in 2010 when the Tories didn't stop going on and on about the mess they'd inherited from the Labour Party.

What about the lies of Boris Johnson, the deception behind the £350 million and other stuff that simply isn't true? In all honesty I don't know where I stand. I've always been keen on remaining in the EU – along the lines of 'the better the devil you know' – but my recent purchase of Noam Chomsky's Who Rules the World? has changed my view a little bit. The fact that 'the establishment' – and I'm talking globally now – abhors true democracy unless it meets with their social and economic objectives is worth thinking about. The American establishment often talks about 'the world' in the sense that 'the world agrees that X, Y and Z...' but 'the world', argues Chomsky, is basically the US and the UK – likewise the 'international community'.

The US, for example, doesn't want true democracy in the Middle East because it knows that the vast majority of the Arab people are against the Americans, it's only the elite in the region who say everything is fine where the Americans are concerned (and that's all to do with money).

So, back to the EU, which Chomsky also believes has no interest in real democracy – look at the way Greece has been treated, he argues, but also look at the whole 'unelected officials' element of the EU and how TTIP has been negotiated behind closed doors and how Cecilia Malmstrom (the chief TTIP negotiator who is unelected) has told the media that she does not take her mandate from the European people. No, she takes her mandate from corporate lobbyists.

To quote Chomsky from Who Rules the World? "As long as the general population is passive, apathetic, and diverted to consumerism or hatred of the vulnerable, then the powerful can do as they please, and those who survive will be left to contemplate the outcome."

The above quote is very important, especially where the EU referendum is concerned. With real unemployment at depression levels, says Chomsky, the bankers are getting richer and richer and if they mess up they can always rely upon the taxpayer to bail them out. But to keep the public away from the truth – that wealth is concentrated in the hands of the top one per cent of the population (think CEOs and hedge fund managers) – diversions are required to keep the masses 'subdued'.

Teachers, says Chomsky, are always fair game, but so are immigrants, especially at times of economic crisis. It is important for the establishment to create in the populous a sense that 'our country is being taken away from us' – think, "Let's Make Great Britain Great Again' – and the idea that the white population will soon become a minority.

As Chomsky argues, "One can understand the anger of aggrieved individuals, but the cruelty of the policy is shocking."

And then remember that the remain campaign has been backed by the big banks and that the whole idea of free borders is designed to encourage immigration and keep wages low in the process. In short, I've started to view the EU in a different light.

Caroline Lucas (the Green Party) annoyed me last night (on the big Wembley debate) – and again, nobody questioned what she was saying. She said that open borders work both ways and argued that it was amazing how we can all up sticks at any time and work anywhere in the EU! Wow! Well, not true. Most people in this country are restrained by one thing – language.

We often hear people talk about a 'United States of Europe' as if the idea is for us to be like US citizens, capable of moving from state-to-state, should they so wish, and work and live somewhere else. Fine in the USA where everybody speaks the same language, but not in the EU, I would argue.

I'm a magazine editor, theoretically I don't need an office. I could work anywhere in the EU, but only if I was merely working remotely from the office in the UK. I couldn't move to Paris and work in, say, a McDonald's because I don't speak French and would come unstuck pretty quickly. So, yes, I could move around the EU, but I wouldn't be able to work in the EU. Conversely, most Europeans speak English so them coming here to the UK is a no-brainer – better money, better conditions and so on.

I'm wondering what to do on Thursday. I can't say I like the personalities involved on either side of the debate. I think David Cameron has let himself down in a big way and shown his true colours, that of somebody who simply cannot be trusted. If we vote out, I hope he goes. But equally, the lies on the Brexit side of the argument and the likes of Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage all make me think: do I really want to vote for something that they (Johnson and company) believe in? Equally, do I want to support something supported by Cameron and Osborne? Why should I trust the EU? Why should I support the EU when it's supported by people like Soros, Branson and so on? They are the rich elite, and they want me and my fellow citizens to accept lower wages so that they can make a bigger profit – that's why they want to remain in the EU. But then do I want to support the out campaign that is supported by right wing extremists? I'm tempted not to vote at all or simply go to the booth, pick up a pencil and then, holding it in my right hand, start to chant out loud: "Dip, dip, dog shit, you are not it."

Time runs out in Dusseldorf

The Burns Art Hotel – time to check out

With business tied up by just gone 3pm I embarked upon another long, long walk across the city. It took, like yesterday, just over an hour, and the weather was a little colder. I reached the hotel around 1630hrs and then, after a little bit of faffing about with my suitcase, I bade farewell to the Burns Art Hotel and hit the streets.

Late afternoon/early evening is a funny time of the day because it's a good couple hours off dinner and it's too late for a snack, like, say, a cup of tea and a millionaire's shortbread. In fact, that's something I never really got together while I was out in Dusseldorf. I never found a cosy place to drink tea, munch on something sweet and read my book – The Moth, a collection of short, true stories, some good, some a little disappointing, but an ideal book to read in a Starbucks, if I could find one.

I'm always looking, but never finding, peace. That's what I need more than anything else: a bit of peace and quiet. A  cup of tea, an almond croissant and some time to sit and read the papers or a book or both. Coffee shops are the best place to be in this respect and, dare I say it, Costa, Caffé Nero or Starbucks fit the bill, especially mid-to-late afternoon in an American city. I remember a good occasion of this sort in Indianapolis a couple of years ago and one in Chicago last October – both courtesy of Starbucks.

On Wednesday I found myself in Dusseldorf's old town – or Alt Stadt – trying to find somewhere that fitted the bill. I eventually stumbled upon a Starbucks, but it was getting round to lunch time and I didn't want to start ruining things by eating cookies or whatever just prior to tucking into lunch. Not that I should have worried. On that particular day I'd already walked for what seemed like miles and then I walked round and round the Alt Stadt, not even window shopping, just walking and that's how the Starbucks came into the picture. But as I said, I passed on it and walked a fair old way back to the street where my favourite restaurant is located. But there was no room at the inn. I've written about this – how I went to the Thai restaurant instead – so I won't go on about it.

Stumbled across this sculpture in the Alt Stadt

So Friday afternoon's kind of similar, but in a sense the other way around. It was as if somebody had one of those huge old sand timers – what are they called? You know what I'm talking about, an hour glass, that's it. It was as if somebody had taken an hour glass, turned it upside down and I had to fit everything into an increasingly smaller space of time. And I was a little tired too. You would be had you just walked all the way across town like I had. I stopped off at a few shops on the way, like I did on Thursday. I bowled into a supermarket looking for God knows what. White hot chocolate, German tea, German breakfast cereal, a bottle of wine, but I didn't buy anything. Then I went into one of those posh but weird shops that sell odd stuff like upmarket-looking shaving brushes, pens, clocks – "men's stuff" – and I ended up trying some aftershave.

The long and the short of it is this: I ended up at the airport miles too early. Like four hours too early. I couldn't even check in so I found a restaurant and ordered tuna and penne and one of those big, balloon-like glasses of red wine and sat there reading The Moth. And then I made the mistake of ordering another. I say 'mistake', it wasn't so much a mistake, but I could have done without it.

Dinner here was not good, but not bad either

I went through security, had to take my laptop out of my suitcase and endure all the hassles – laptop in it's own tray, coat in another tray, suitcase in another, it's such a fuss, but it's all for a good cause – mine and my fellow passengers' safety. Once on the other side, time flew past and soon there was only 30 minutes before my flight was due to take off. But of course it never took off on time. Everyone was standing around at the gate and there was some kind of delay, but soon we all filed on board. I had seat 3a so I was soon sitting there, seat belt on, reading The Moth again. But other passengers delayed things. We eventually got off the ground about 30 minutes late. I hate night flights. You can't see anything. It was pretty smooth all the way over and having already enjoyed two glasses of wine I didn't order anything from the hostess.

We made good on lost time and hit the tarmac at Gatwick around 2122hrs. A cab journey followed and I was home in time for the news. Iain Duncan Smith  – otherwise known as IDS – had resigned from the government over Osborne's plan to cut benefits for the disabled, while giving the rich a tax cut. What a fucking bastard! Actually, they're both bastards. IDS is a bastard too, but I understand that his resignation letter is going to cause Osborne a few problems. Some have called for his resignation. Not good when you consider that Osborne has prime ministerial ambitions.