Lockdown, Part 17: Conspiracy theories...

I love conspiracy theories. I love the X Files. But, is there any truth to the conspiracy theory? Probably not. It's all about paranoia and suspicion and, well, a good conspiracy theory can keep me entertained for a long time. There's a book, The Illuminatus by Robert Anton Wilson, that I've been meaning to read, although right now, getting hold of a copy on Amazon will set me back something crazy like £30, so I'll wait for the bookstores to reopen as I know it's in Waterstone's for around a tenner.

Nothing better than a conspiracy theory...

The big conspiracy theories surrounding the corona virus weave their way around the whole thing being a deliberate act, but the weird thing about them is that, at the moment, the pandemic is too new to have conspiracy theories attached to it; 'they' are still trying to work out whether what will become future conspiracy theories aren't in fact, the truth. Now that would be good, if we found out that the reality is more worrying than the lies, that the Chinese really did manufacture the virus and released it deliberately on the rest of the world, being careful to infect just one area of China (Wuhan) in any significant way, enough to give them some kind of alibi along the lines of 'well, why would they infect their own people?' The answer being to make it look right in the eyes of the West, particularly the piggy eyes of President Donald Trump, that rare breed of US president, who says it like it is (or isn't), is not afraid to say something contentious (or darn right stupid) even if there's no evidence either way. I don't know who is the most dangerous, the Chinese, the Russians or the President of the United States. Perhaps the whole thing was cooked up by all three of them in an effort to fast track the rest of us towards staying indoors and using the Internet for everything. Ah ha! Another possible conspiracy theory! Perhaps the idea is for all of us to be more controlled by the state, and the virus is just giving us a taster of a future dominated by self-distancing and restricted freedoms. Perhaps things were getting a little too free.

Lots of us were already self-isolating

But going back to the key conspiracy theory - that China deliberately manufactured the virus - there's no evidence to suggest this is the case, which I suppose is a relief, although I've often wondered whether, if it was manufactured, the chief aim would have been to keep us all occupied 'looking after our own' while they, the Chinese, got up to all sorts of mischief in the South China Sea and beyond.

I've always been suspicious of authority. I've always thought there was an ulterior movie to anything the Government gets up to, no matter how well meaning it seems to be. So when I'm sitting there watching the daily press briefing, while I tend to believe what they're saying, there's a part of me that looks at the whole set-up and thinks, "Really?" The slides, the figures, are they real? Who knows? Perhaps one day Panorama will reveal the ugly truth about the virus, that it was some kind of collaboration between Jeff Bezos and the Chinese to boost sales for Amazon - that guy's been making literally billions of dollars from the fact that only his online store is selling books (and everything else) to the populous, everywhere else is shutdown. Perhaps the world's supermarkets are involved too. They're making a fortune as people increase their weekly shopping bills, buy stuff they don't need and scoff themselves towards happiness behind closed doors. Other beneficiaries include Amazon Prime, Netflix, the list is endless. Perhaps they're all in it together. Perhaps there was a meeting in somewhere lame like Switzerland and all the billionaires and leaders of nations got together to decide upon how to keep us all indoors, boost revenues for Internet-based retailers and video conferencing businesses and change the way we all live, get a 'new normal' started. Perhaps not.

Who needs to meet face-to-face

I do hate 'normalisation'. And by that I mean when the media, in cahoots with the Government, starts to normalise the abnormal, be it acid attacks, terrorism or viruses. A couple of years ago when there appeared to a spate of acid attacks here in the UK, the media started accepting the whole thing and putting out information on what to do if faced with the prospect of an attack, as if acid attacks were, to coin a phrase, 'the new normal'. I hate that phrase because it assumes that everybody has accepted that their lives have been changed in some way (always for the worse) and that things won't be reverting to what they used to be; in other words, instead of ridding the country of acid attacks or knife crime or what have you, we just lie down and take it, nobody's too bothered about eradicating the problem.

Personally, I hate the idea of being at home all the time, not going out

One thing I do worry about is that when this is all over, nobody is going to do anything about finding out what happened or setting things up so that it can never happen again. Once the planes start flying again, once borders are re-opened, once businesses get back to being their greedy selves and everything starts to go down hill again after Branson gets his bail-out and starts fleecing the travelling public with extortionate air fares, and the Beckhams start popping up all over the place, the fact that the Chinese, through their poor health practices or whatever it was they did to get this virus out there, will be forgotten and then one day it will happen again and it will probably be far far worse than COVID-19, it'll be something airborne and we'll all be confined to our houses, no exercise, no fresh air, no shopping once a week, no exercise, no nothing, all because we reverted back to the 'old normal' of greed and celebrity and forgot the lessons we thought we'd all learned.

While the so-called 'lockdown' has its bad points, there are plenty of upsides too. I like to think that my life hasn't changed that much as I still get out on the bike and ride for miles, albeit alone and not with my pal Andy who, like me, rides alone. I have a large garden so I'm lucky in so many respects. I like the fact that there are less cars on the road, I like the fact that nobody can ring on my doorbell unannouced and catch me in my pyjamas or disturb me watching a movie or reading a book, I like pigging out more, I like that it's a bit like a perpetual Christmas holiday of late nights and sugary desserts, chocolate bars and comfort food.

Let's all be more like China!

There are downsides and they involve a kind of slippery slope into being a moron. Prior to the lockdown I used to look down my nose at people who seemingly spent their entire lives watching box sets, endless seasons of shows that go on into infinity. "I've nearly finished season 56" I've heard people say of some new 'box set' and I've always found myself thinking that these people simply don't have lives, they spend their waking hours in front of the television watching episode after episode of shit. Do they ever talk to their other halves? Don't they ever get an early night? Have they considered reading a book? Would they ever pick up a pen and write something? No, they won't, because they've gotten addicted to something produced by Netflix (now there's a company who must be loving the pandemic). Well, the truth of the matter is this: I've become one of those people, I'm ploughing through Season Three of Ozark and I'm about to finish Season Three of the X Files, I'm addicted, I stay up late watching an episode too many and then I hit the sack around midnight and wake up bleary-eyed the next day wishing I hadn't bothered. I have become like the people I've been sneering at and so have other members of my family. There's an element of social distancing in the house too, people staying in their rooms all day (and night), a kind of shift system of people watching different box sets and in between there's the social distancing at the supermarket and my solitary rides on the bike.

Unsocial media...

The problem with the online world, be it social media - another virus beneficiary - online shopping, box sets, whatever, is that it's always been about social distancing. You go on Facebook to 'meet' your friends, you don't meet them in the pub or restaurant or park (all closed at present). Similarly, with online shopping, you don't visit the store, you stay home, key in your order on a computer and remain in the house. Even before the virus, people were self-isolating, exercising on gym equipment bought online, eating food bought online, meeting friends online, it goes on and on. We were already social distancing long before COVID-19 came along. That's probably why you hear people saying they're not too bothered about the lockdown; in fact, they rather like it, because they've been practising social distancing for at least 20 years, possibly longer.

A vaccine is the only solution...

In fact, I'm not sure how many people are going to go back to the old normal. Unless they find a vaccine - and even if they don't - people are going to remain indoors, self-isolating and social distancing. The population of that whole world of hermit-like box set-watching people is going to increase and we're all going to be more insular than we were before.

It's not so much a frightening prospect, but it's certainly a depressing one.

Postscript
I've just emerged refreshed from a late afternoon shower. Earlier today I cycled to Westerham in Kent and back, a trip of 22 miles. I feel good. Tired, but good. It's that kind of luxurious tiredness I used to get as a kid. Earlier, prior to jumping in the aforementioned shower, I'd been lying on the sofa listening to Hildegard von Bingen. The house resembled a monastery for a moment and I loved it. Later, I'll light the candle on the coffee table, I'll watch Ozark and I will chill some more. For me, and for many other people, the lockdown is a pit stop from the world of work and while I'm still working (from home) I'm enjoying being here, in the garden, lolling around at weekends, so in a nutshell I'm enjoying it more than I'm not enjoying it.

* Illustrations and photography courtesy of Pixabay.