Hooray! Andy and Jon talk politics. Hooray!

Jon and Andy 'talking politics' on the Green while I nipped off to buy some teabags.

3rd January – yes, Woodmansterne Green again!

A frozen leaf on Woodmansterne Green.

It was warmer at 6am this morning than it was two hours later. When I went out to retrieve my mobile phone from the car there was no frost on the windscreen of my car, but by just gone 0730hrs, the windscreen was completely iced up.

Outside there was still a full moon in a grey sky, everything seemed covered in ice and soon my feet were freezing cold. Andy overslept and Jon had a bet to make: he reckons that the distance from Woodmansterne Green to Boxhill is no more than five miles longer than Woodmansterne to Redhill. A fiver rests on this one. I bet that Boxhill is well over five miles longer than Redhill, based on the knowledge that travelling to Redhill and back from my house in South Croydon is a 28-mile round trip and I normally get home at a reasonable hour. Conversely, Boxhill (as this blog testifies) takes the whole morning and hovers between 35 and 40 miles in round trip terms.

Thought for the day: Why does the UK establishment reward failure? And why was Bruce Forsyth missed off the New Year Honours list? Let's start with rewarding failure. Arguably one of the biggest failures of late was the police shooting dead an innocent Brazilian on the tube at Stockwell. Who was in charge of the operation? Why, the aptly named Cressida Dick! And who was awarded the Queen's Medal? You got it! Cressida DICK!!!!

As for Brucie, well, he's what, 81? He might not be around next year so why wasn't he honoured?

2nd January 2010 – positively balmy!

Here's my bike resting against a pub sign adjacent to the Tatsfield bus stop. It might look sunny, but it was bloody freezing cold.

The phrase 'brass monkey' springs to mind, although that word 'springs' is totally out of place. It was freezing cold on both 2nd and 3rd of January and our first cycles of the new year.

On the 2nd, Andy and I cycled to the Tatsfield bus stop. Going downhill was agonising for face and ears and I wished for my balaclava, which I couldn't find in the house. Our feet froze too. Thank the Lord for gloves!

At the bus stop, Andy referred to the weather as 'positively balmy' as the sun rose its head from behind a nearby hedgerow, but then again he might have been talking about our general state of mental health. Who in their right mind would venture out in weather this cold?

There was a full moon in a grey sky and frozen muddy puddles that cracked underneath our tyres like creme brulées but when we reached the bus stop all was fine with the world and we sat there discussing the greatness of the Christmas Top Gear special in Bolivia. Shame they fixed so many things: like the Toyota Land Cruiser rolling off and crashing at the end, making the Land Rover, 'the most unreliable car in the world', the most reliable car in the world. Hmmmm...and let's not forget there were cameramen out in the forest with them, prompting the question, 'how did they get around?' Still, all that aside, it was easily the best programme on the box over Christmas along with James May's attempt at running a 00 gauge railway from, where, Barnstaple to Bideford if I can remember correctly.

On the way home I stopped off at Warlingham Green's Village Café for a mug of tea and two slices of toast and then, on reaching home, a hot bath. Perfect!

Puncture footage – the movie!

Video evidence of yours truly fixing a puncture. Sad or what?

There's a date and time on the CD: 0838hrs on 11 November 2008. I'm not sure of exactly where it is, but it looks like the small car park on the road leading up to the roundabout just past the Botley Hill Farm pub, the road on which Mohammed Al Fayed's mansion is located.

Archive puncture footage!

Andy gave me a CD containing one image and a movie – of me fixing a puncture! Enjoy!

December 28th 2009 – the Tatsfield Bus Stop

Andy and I chewing the fat at the bus stop. If you're wondering
what Andy is saying to me, it's "How do you know when its
clicked?" He means the camera's self-timer, of course, and it
clicked just as he turned to speak to me!

Our bikes wedged in the snow.

Freezing cold weather, the car windscreen covered in ice acted as a barometer for me when I peered out of the window around 6am. I sent a text to Andy saying lets meet at 0830hrs rather than 0730hrs as originally planned. He agreed.

The plan was to cycle to Westerham after we agreed to shelve plans to cycle to Boxhill because it was just too far and we all had various commitments. Jon cycled to Woodmansterne Green and we, that is myself and Andy, headed off from Warlingham Green to Westerham, the slow way, but decided to go as far as the bus stop at the top of the road leading to Tatsfield.

After a while we forgot the cold weather and concentrated on the cycling. It was a great day even if it was a little nippy. We reached the bus stop and drank plenty of hot tea and then headed back home. Andy and I parted company at Botley Hill and I soon discovered that the fast way home along the B269 might be a problem: the road was closed. But closed roads never bother cyclists and I passed the 'Road Closed' sign without a care in the world. I figured it must be something to do with ice and on the road and motorists rather than humble cyclists. There was no explanation for the closure and no signs of any accidents along the way either. What was good was having the road free of traffic all the way to Knight's Garden Centre virtually. The B269 can be quite treacherous for cyclists as motorists normally go mad when they see a 'national speed limit applies' sign. The closed road, therefore, was a Godsend.

I met a cyclist training for an attempt at the John O'Groats to the Land's End trip. He was on a Pearson-framed racing bike and had plenty of visible Lycra, but seemed like a really nice bloke. He was on his way towards East Sheen from Westerham. His plan is to cycle 110 miles per day to complete the mammoth cycle. I for one wish him well.

Thought for the day: Sketch-based comedy is a load of rubbish. Little Britain, Catherine Tate, Armstrong and Miller, all they do is come up with a few templates and then repeat them week after week after week. So, take Tate's 'Am I bothered?" sketch or the Armstrong and Miller one about a priceless artefact being broken by a butter-fingered television presenter – they're all the same, just with different scenarios every week. In short, what a load of old tosh! It involves coming up with, say, 10 different end-of-sketch catchphrases and then simply changing the scenario each week – a piece of piss!

A clean bike! A clean bike! A clean bike!

Well, what do you think? I had to fix the puncture so I thought I'd give the bike a clean too. Doesn't it look great?

Sunday 27 December 2009 – to the green (again!)

We're all smiling because we've been eating home-made mince pies and cereal bars and drinking tea – and probably because we all talked ourselves out of cycling to Box Hill tomorrow!

It would be wrong to say we're getting bored with Woodmansterne Green, we're not, but we are going there quite a lot at the moment. Today, while at the aforementioned destination, we discussed Box Hill as a possible venue for tomorrow but have talked ourselves out of it: miles too far and very time consuming, that was the verdict. It looks like we might be going to Westerham, but who knows? If it rains, we're going nowhere! Rain has been the bane of our lives over the last few runs, even yesterday we got a bit of a soaking and then today there was a light shower on the way home.

For the past God knows how many weeks, I've had a slow puncture (which takes a week to go soft after being pumped up) but today, having left Andy on the return home, I noticed that it had speeded up somewhat. In fact, it was bad enough for me to have to walk the last quarter mile up West Hill and home. It's now fixed and, hopefully, will be the last puncture of the year.

Today on the green it was very festive. I brought along some mince pies and we gathered around the Jean Merrington bench (Jean died in 2007 but, according to the inscription on the bench, she was a tireless campaigner for Woodmansterne and obviously deserved her lasting memorial on the green).

Jon has his own flask AND a rucksack so all we need now is a teapot and oh, how I'm going to provide it! I've seen one in Robert Dyas, lads, so it's only a matter of time.

The weather was good today, much better than yesterday and despite the mild shower as we travelled downhill from the green towards Coulsdon, it was all very pleasant, ie no wet arse!

Anyway, enough of me, time for thought of the day.

Thought of the day: Cindy Crawford – personally, I wouldn't. I'm sure she wouldn't fancy me either but there you go. Equally, I would prefer an early morning cycle in the rain and snow to a bout with either Madonna or Sarah Jessica Parker. Thoughts?

Boxing Day 2009 – to Woodmansterne Green

Andy Smith and I at Woodmansterne Green on Boxing Day 2009. We've cycled on Boxing Day before back in 2006 and 2007; in 2008 we were both struck down with colds. Top shot shows the church and, if you look closely, the time. We embarked upon our return journey shortly after this shot was taken.

It was one of those mornings: a bit cloudy in places and signs that it might have rained in the early morning – the ground was damp, but then we had plenty of thawing snow to give the impression of rainfall. The bird bath in the back garden was showing no signs of raindrops, so aborting the cycle was out of the question.

Jon phoned to say he wasn't coming, it being the day of the famous Boxing Day Bash (when the Moggridge family get together over in Carshalton for drinks and food and all the usual family stuff you might expect over the festive season). Bearing in mind that Jon had gone alone to the green last Saturday, in the snow, he has been let off by the No Visible Lycra Committee and besides, we're all meeting up tomorrow on the Green and might even be doing a long distance run on Monday (to Boxhill) although something tells me we won't be doing it, let's see what happens.

Met Andy at the top of Foxley Lane and headed off in mild rain, not enough to get soaked, to Woodmansterne. The rain got a little heavier, but not by much and we took shelter under the gate of the Parish Church where we sipped tea and ate our cereal bars.

Sweeping generalisation for the day: "Drivers of those big Chrysler saloons are invariably fat, triple-chinned 'local' businessmen types (you know, undertakers or builders) in their early sixties."

19th and 20th December 2009

Jon at Woodmansterne Green on Sunday 20 December 2009. The camera was low on power and we only managed to get this one shot before it shut up shop for the day. The huge wood carving behind Jon was once a tree and might well have been one of many trees uprooted during the October 1987 hurricanes.

A shed load of snow fell on the UK on December 18th and so began a bout of extremely cold weather. Andy was still feeling under the weather and when I awoke around 8am there were no messages on the mobile suggesting that Jon wouldn't be going either. Outside, the snow that had fallen on Thursday was still there and, to my surprise, Jon did go cycling. I couldn't face it, to be honest, although I admit I felt a little disappointed in myself for not getting out there.

I did go on Sunday, freezing my ears off in the process, and met Jon at Woodmansterne Green. Needless to say I bought a flask of hot water, although Andy's breakfast bar was sorely missed. We chewed the fat about this and that and then headed home, feeling pleased with ourselves for getting off our arses and going cycling in the snow.

While out we called Andy who said he was more than likely going to be fit enough for Boxing Day. Sadly, the snow will be gone as today, Christmas Eve, I note that the rain of yesterday has washed away a lot of it, leaving behind some rather dangerous black ice.