To Westerham...

Yesterday (Saturday) Andy, Phil and myself rode to Westerham. Phil might have to face the NoVisibleLycra disciplinary committee, it was decided, following his admission that he was wearing those 'clickety-click' cycling shoes worn by Lycra monkeys. You know what I'm talking about: those shoes that lock the wearer to the pedals and require him or her to remember to twist their foot in order to get off the bike. He was also riding a dropped handlebar, racing bike, although we'll let him off on that rule violation. All he needs now, though, is the tight fittting, 'sponsored' clothing and, well, we'll have to reconsider his membership if he goes that far – or at least request that he rides 200 yards ahead or behind us.

There were plenty of Lycra monkeys en route – the hot weather brings them out in droves – and as they whizzed past us, talking about pension plans and corporate strategy, we winced and patted our trusty tractor-like machines on the crossbar, safe in the knowledge that we were not wearing Lycra and probably never will. Let me take out that word 'probably', we'll never wear Lycra.

The weather was perfect. Not sunny, but warm. As we passed the Tatsfield Bus Stop, however, we noticed that somebody (or something) had smashed it up. The bench – our beloved bench – was broken and it looked as if the back wall had been taken out too. We assumed that something had crashed into our favourite covered, wooden bus stop, probably a car, but it's not a good sign. We resolved to visit Tatsfield Village the next time we needed shelter from the rain as there's another covered bus stop there.

Andy rode to the Tatsfield Bus Stop Sunday and took this shot of the damage.

Once at Westerham we 'set up shop' at the wooden table on the green and drank tea. Andy brought out the Milk & Cereal Belvita biscuits and then Phil decided to buy himself and Andy a bacon roll from the Tudor Rose (I ordered a slice of fruit cake instead).

Library picture of Winston Churchill's statue at Westerham

The conversation revolved around the forthcoming European Union referendum and all the usual stuff you'd expect to hear people going on about. Soon it was time to head home. We had to deal with the awful hill going out of Westerham, but we're used to it, and soon we were at Warlingham Green bidding Andy farewell and then heading home to Sanderstead along the Limpsfield Road. We got there around 1015hrs.

There was a plan to ride out today, but I woke up in the dead of night and couldn't get back to sleep so I aborted, which was just as well as it was raining. Right now, at 1124hrs, it's stopped, but the forecast is for more.

• The Tatsfield Bus Stop – Andy rode to the Tatsfield Bus Stop on Sunday – today – (on his Lycra monkey bike!) and took this image of the damage done. He said it looks as if a car hit it. Well, there goes my 'sleeping rough at the bus stop fantasy'.

I'll be back in the saddle next week.

Remembrance Sunday and a ride to the Tatsfield Bus Stop with Andy...

Sunday was a far better day than Saturday (see previous post). There was no rain, but as Andy and I approached Botley Hill en route to the Tatsfield bus stop, there was fog, and while it looked rather spooky at times, it wasn't, and when we parked up the bikes and brought out the chocolate BelVita biscuits it was virtually non-existent.

Earlier, as I pedalled up Church Way – feeling a little weary it has to be said – I noticed something for the first time that's probably been there for years. In the churchyard at the top of the hill there was a flag pole flying the Union Jack. It's no big deal, I know, but there you have it; I don't recall ever seeing it before. And then, of course, it all clicked into place – it was Remembrance Sunday. Perhaps it flies every year at this time and I've simply never noticed it.

Bare trees at the green mean winter is on its way...

I pushed on towards Warlingham and when I reached the green I spied bare trees, but no sign of Andy. While winter had arrived, it was still very mild and after yesterday's rain, my gloves were still soaked through when I went to put them on this morning. Fortunately, the air was warm enough for me to leave them behind.

Checking my iphone I found a text from Andy. He'd picked up a puncture at Whyteleafe – broken glass on the road – but he was on his way and arrived around 0745hrs.

The ride to the bus stop was uneventful and when we got there we chilled out with tea and the aforementioned chocolate BelVita biscuits. They're like CoCo Pops in biscuit form – wonderful. And if, like me, you manage to drop half a biscuit in your tea, then you'll know that, in a sense, you get the feeling you're drinking chocolate-flavoured tea. Well, not quite, but let's move on.

We chatted about 'old times' and our early pre-blog rides to Westerham when we seemed to arrive there when it was still dark. This had a lot to do with meeting at 0700hrs at the top of Slines Oak Road, which is a good 15 minutes or so further on from the green. We spoke about walking to Oxted with flat tyres in the days prior to fixing punctures by the roadside (what were we thinking?) and we wondered why we no longer have the time to enjoy longer rides.

Home from home – the Tatsfield bus stop

We reminisced about a ride in April 2011 when we rode out later in the day with Andy's pal Richard and enjoyed a few pints of Harvey's Nuptial Ale (brewed to celebrate the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton). Although I hasten to add that WE weren't celebrating the Royal Wedding. We were celebrating the fact that we were in the Bricklayers Arms, opposite Longford Lake in Kent, enjoying the beer and the good weather. Click here for the full story!

There were plenty of Lycra monkeys on the road. I'd never seen so many and put it down to the mild weather. Long streams of them rode south on the 269 as we headed home and might have been part of an organised ride. There were bright purple signs nailed to poles along the road indicating two alternatives for riders: left for 'fun' and right for 'all other routes' – or words to that effect.

We parted company half way along the 269 as usual and vowed to ride again next week. Ahead of me another day of lolling around doing very little, followed by a drive to Lindfield where a Remembrance Day event was taking place.

To the Tatsfield bus stop to scoff cake and biscuits!

Sunday 1st November 2015: The weather has turned. It's much colder out there now and most definitely time to wear gloves. Armed with two slices of mum's fruit cake I headed outside to the garage, hoping that I wouldn't find a puncture. The bike was fine, I unpadlocked it, donned helmet and the aforementioned gloves and wheeled the bike into the fresh air.

"I turn sideways to the sun, keep my thoughts from everyone."*

All was still and there was a mild fog in the air as I rode off in the direction of the green. Having not riden the bike much over the past three weeks, I found Church Hill a bit of a struggle. Andy was waiting at the green and we soon headed off towards the Tatsfield bus stop, vowing to save all our chat until we reached our destination – it helps to simply keep our heads down and get on with the ride.

At the bus stop the cake, the tea and the Belvita biscuits made an appearance and we chatted about various things, such as Mark Beaumont's The Man Who Cycled the World, which has been name-checked a few times over recent posts. It's a great book and I can't wait to read The Man Who Cycled the Americas.

"Who are you fucking looking at?"

We moved on to discuss mobile phones and the fact that I'm now 'out of contract', which is a great position to be in: I no longer feel beholden to a phone company and can pick and choose who I take on. I've decided to go for a SIM-only deal, which means I only have to give 30 days' notice if I want to change to a different phone company. I'm fairly happy with 02 to be honest, but I'm now getting much more for less money. My current deal is 2GB of data plus unlimited calls and texts, all for under twenty pounds. Brilliant! Some people say I should simply upgrade, get a better phone, but what's the point? Why would I want to pay more for less? Because that's what would happen. I could upgrade, get an iphone 5 instead of my trusty iphone 4S, but why bother? My current phone works fine so why change it? And besides, I like unlimited calls and texts.

What really annoys me about technology is the constant upgrading. My computer, on which I am now writing this blogpost, is slowly becoming obselete. Certain things no longer work because I need to upgrade my operating system, which costs money. So eventually the capitalist bastards will catch up with me: my iphone 4S will somehow become useless and I'll be forced into a contract again OR I'll have to buy a new phone – for cash – to continue with a SIM-only deal. All very frustrating, but right now I'm happy with my deal and I still have my iphone, which I've looked after – no scratches, no broken screen.

And then, of course, I had my recent travels (to Chicago and Italy – see previous posts by scrolling down) to discuss.

Andy's racer near Godstone Green, Surrey last weekend

We sat at the bus stop, lobbing our teabags on to the small patch of grass in front of us and watching passing Lycra monkeys in between mouthfuls of fruit cake and Belvita biscuits. Life doesn't get much better. Last week Andy rode to Godstone Green on the racer. He said that coming back up the hill wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. My gears are still shit so I won't be visiting Godstone Green for a while yet. I wouldn't mind a ride to Westerham, though.

We eventually mounted the bikes and headed for home, stopping halfway along the 269 to have a brief chat before parting company. There were some very large, fierce-looking, horned beasts in the fields (see photograph). I took a few snaps and then we parted company.

I rode towards Warlingham Green feeling at peace with the world and looking forward to the rest of my Sunday back home.

* Lyrics from That's the Price of Love, a great New Order track.

Sausage sandwiches at the Tatsfield Churchyard...

Last Sunday Phil and I rode to Warlingham Green to meet Andy and then onwards to the Tatsfield Bus Stop for the usual round of tea and biscuits. I think both Andy and I half expected Phil to reveal his revered sausage sandwiches, but he didn't. Instead, he waited until yesterday (Saturday 26th September) when we reached the churchyard. We stood there enjoying what amounted to a kind of alfresco 'full English' – tea, sausage and bacon sandwiches and a few BelVitas for good measure.

Phil, Matt and Andy last week at the Tatsfield Bus Stop

Avid readers of this blog will know that at any particular time my bike has something wrong with it: either the gears or the brakes are playing up OR there's a puncture. Well, in many ways, all three boxes can be ticked. I've only recently fixed a long-term slow puncture, the front brakes are highly ineffective (new pads are needed) and for the last week or two I've been permanently stuck in the lower eight of my 16 gears, having previously been stuck in the higher eight. Right now I'm back in the higher eight after we examined – and attempted to fix my gears – at the churchyard. The problem, it seemed, was the cable, which was a little on the slack side, nothing an alun key can't fix!

The weather was perfect yesterday – clear skies and sunshine – and, as I look out of the conservatory window now at 0636hrs on Sunday morning the skies are a light grey colour, but there's plenty of brightness too and wispy grey clouds.

While both Andy and Phil have resorted to gloves, I'm still riding without them despite the 'chilly starts' mentioned fairly regularly by the weather forecasters. As I mentioned to Phil and Andy yesterday, I'll probably keep the gloves off for some weeks until, suddenly, it's colder out there than I think it is and spend an entire ride quietly freezing. After that day, whenever it comes, the gloves will be back on until the start of next summer.

Yesterday's ride was pleasant. After the sausage sandwiches there were BelVita biscuits and it goes without saying that I bought the tea (I always do).

The conversation was one of our staples – the relative merits or otherwise of high-specification bikes over more conventional models. I mentioned my view that the less complicated a bike is, the better. When I was a kid my bike had block brakes and a single gear. Nothing ever went wrong with it apart from the occasional need to replace the brake blocks or fix a puncture. If there was a major hill I remember riding up as far as I could and then getting off the bike and walking the rest.

Andy countered my argument with the story of his pal Richard who bought a low-spec bike and spent the next few months in and out of the bike shop having been recommended higher-spec brakes and gears. He eventually bought a better bike. 

Phil is considering getting rid of the Kona Smoke (it's too small for him – remember, Phil is tall, very tall). He asked me if I wanted it and while my desire to have a 'normal' bike would be achieved by taking him up on the offer, I'm kind of attached to the old Scrap (for better or worse). Incidentally, in May next year, the 'old' Scrap will be just that – 10 years old.

With a bike loan scheme operated by his company, Phil is likely to buy a new bike towards the end of the year and hand the Smoke to his girlfriend who might then join us on a ride, replicating, perhaps, that moment on Long Way Down when Charley Boorman appears visibly irritated by Ewan McGregor's decision to bring his wife along on what was essentially a lads' adventure. Not that we would be even slightly annoyed. I've always welcomed people to ride with us, but so far nobody has taken me up on the offer. My mate in the office, Martin, has a bike stored at the top of his garden. I said to him last week, "get it out and meet me outside my house at 7am." But I doubt he'll ever do it. Likewise my pal Geoff. Still, it doesn't really matter.

On the ride back it was good to be back in the higher eight gears. We stopped halfway along the 269 to bid farewell to Andy. Phil said he wouldn't be going on Sunday so it's just Andy and I. In fact, I'd better get going as it is Sunday morning and I need to make the tea.

Sunday's ride
I'd endured a restless and somewhat sleepless night, but felt fit enough to rise at 0600hrs and start writing this post. By around 0700hrs I was out of the house and riding towards Warlingham Green. Outside it was bright and wonderful, but a little chilly so I wore the gloves for the first time since the beginning of summer. Not that I really needed to, the weather was great and improved by the minute.

Yours truly at Tatsfield Village, Sunday 27th September 2015

At the time of writing this post (Sunday, 1302hrs) the sun is shining brightly and I should be out in the garden doing something rather than sitting here, alone in the house, writing this blog. But, there you have it, while there's no time like the present, as they say, I simply lack the motivation to do anything that might improve the well-being of the household.

It was just Andy and I this morning and we decided to ride to Tatsfield Village and sit in the sunshine at the covered bus stop opposite the pub, which was in the shade and, therefore, colder than where were sitting. We drank tea, we ate BelVita biscuits and then we rode home, parting halfway along the 269 and both vowing to be on the green at 0730hrs next week.

I rode leisurely along the the Limpsfield Road towards Sanderstead and home and then padlocked the bike until next weekend, although I've seriously considered riding to work next week – apparently the good weather is set to continue. Let's see if I get out of bed feeling motivated.

Bus stop and churchyard – and brilliant weather on both days

St. Mary's Tatsfield, Sunday morning

We didn't cycle far this weekend, but the weather was good on both days as we rode first to the bus stop (on Saturday) and then to the churchyard (in double quick time) on Sunday. It took us about 25 minutes to reach the churchyard from Warlingham Green, which was pretty good going. Andy had said something like 'heads down until the churchyard?' and that was it; we kept up a fairly good pace all the way and stuck close together.

The churchyard was very peaceful, apart from the hiss of the motorway about a mile away. The skies were blue, it was warm – a much better day than I had expected – and we sat on our bench and chilled, munching BelVita biscuits, sipping tea and talking about nothing in particular. There was nobody else about, we didn't even see the usual church people who turn up and potter about.

When it was time to leave the churchyard, I knew I had to get a decent shot for the blog, but I didn't want the usual stuff so I wandered over to the church itself and took the images that accompany this post.

The ride home was very pleasant. It was warm, the skies were blue and the sun was out. We rode up Clarks Lane, travelling west towards Botley Hill and then headed north on the 269 towards Warlingham. Andy branched off halfway and said he wouldn't be riding next Saturday (cue an urban ride to mum's perhaps). He'd see me again on Sunday. We'd talked about the lake, we'd talked about a later ride and a beer in the pub – and one day we'd do it, but probably not next week.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before on this blog, but I've been reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. It's a good book, but it's a big one (1,168 pages to be precise) and it's taken me around eight months to finish it, but I can now report (as I shrug a sigh of relief!) that it's finished and I'm now enjoying Long Way Down by Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman, which is absolutely brilliant. Mind you, I enjoyed the challenge presented by Rand's masterpiece and will be looking for similar literary obstacle courses over the next few weeks.

Looking south to Oxted from the Tatsfield Churchyard, Sunday morning

When I reached home after the ride I put the bike in the garage and then set about mowing the front and back lawns. After that it was time for an excellent home-made tomato and basil soup and then a drive to Shere, a cake and a cup of tea and then a wonderful walk in the surrounding countryside. I sat in the garden on my return, the lawn a velvety texture and the skies still blue, but wasps disturbed the peace as I sat and read Long Way Down, accompanied by a bottle-conditioned ale. Wonderful. It's now just gone 7pm and the skies are still blue and the temperature warm. Countryfile is starting and it's time for dinner – salmon. After dinner I might sit outside again as I think the wasps have gone.

Until next week, enjoy your lives everybody.

To Botley Hill (eventually)

It was approaching 0600hrs and I was awake, looking at the digital read-out of the clock and awaiting Something Understood on Radio Four, not that I had any intention of listening to it, I rarely do as 0600hrs means getting up and going for a ride. It was Sunday morning. But then I heard the phone vibrate and I figured it was Andy aborting the ride. In a way it was just that, but not quite.

"What do you think?" said Andy's text.
"Murky. Meet at 8? Looks like rain, though," I wrote back, adding, "It's raining. I think abort, sadly."
"Ok. See you next weekend," said Andy.
"Ok," said I and then, some time later after resigning myself to no cycling – rain was hitting the birdbath, which in my book means 'no cycling' – I looked outside and noticed brighter weather and a calm birdbath. "Brighter here," I texted Andy.
"See you about 8. Quick one to Botley roundabout," replied Andy.
"Ok, will leave here 0730 unless there's another downpour," I said.

Andy and yours truly just past Botley Hill, Sunday 19th July 2015

The weather really brightened up and for that alone I was grateful. While yesterday's blue skies had gone, there was a mixture of blue sky and light cloud this morning as I rode towards Warlingham Green. There was also a lovely fresh smell of rain in the air, which made it a fantastic morning.

I'd forgotten all about Andy's 40-miler last weekend, but remembered when I reached the green and asked him how it went. Fine, he said, although there were plenty of hills and, of course, plenty of middle-aged men in Lycra (Mamils). Not good, but Andy did it with his pal Richard and it was all done and dusted by 2pm.

We headed off in the usual direction for a short ride to Botley Hill, stopping on the mini roundabout where Andy checked out the flora and fauna, wondering if he'd stumbled upon some hogweed. Nasty stuff hogweed, according to Andy. "It can cause third degree burns," he said, trying to describe what hogweed looks like.

"I might have some in my back garden," I told him.
"You can be fined, you know," he replied.
"Oh," said I resolving to check out two huge weeds that had sprung up over recent weeks. Better remember to wear the old gauntlets, I thought, as we sipped tea and munched on our BelVita biscuits (chocolate chip with, apparently, apricot). You simply can't beat a BelVita biscuit.

Andy had a busy day ahead of him doing all the stuff he hadn't done yesterday so we took the photograph accompanying this post and headed for home, Andy saying goodbye yards from where we had stopped and riding off along The Ridge towards home. I carried on down the 269 towards Warlingham and then Sanderstead, enjoying the wonderful weather, which is still fantastic as I write this at 1025, breakfast eaten and ready for a drive over to Wisley.

In total this week I've cycled around 26 miles and I suppose I could have done better. I feel a trip to Westerham next week is on the cards, but let's see what the weather looks like.

I'd better check out that potential hogweed in the garden...and I can now report that it's not hogweed.

Saturday 14 March – to the churchyard to discuss Clarkson and eat biscuits

The weather was perfect in many ways: not too cold, although, as we turned east and rolled down Clarks Lane past the bus stop en route to the churchyard a fairly cold wind hit us head on and we both realised that there were a few weeks to go before we could start considering tee shirts and shorts. But with Phil back on the ride, the signs are there and, as I noticed during the week, the blossoms have arrived. Soon the Californian lilac in my back garden will flower and that will herald the beginning of spring and the advent of more pleasant rides as we approach the day when the clocks go forward.

Andy at the churchyard

It was just Andy and I this week as Phil had aborted, not because of cold weather but due to domestic stuff on his weekend agenda. We met at the green as usual and decided to get our heads down and aim for the churchyard. Last week Phil had brought the sausage sandwiches and Andy joked that he could have delivered them to me that morning and then gone back to bed. Mind you, that's it for me on the sausage sarni front as I don't want to start putting on weight again. I can live with a cup of tea and a Belvita biscuit.

So we got our heads down on what was really a wonderful day and pedalled hard towards the churchyard where the conversation focused on Jeremy Clarkson's recent suspension by the BBC for a fracas with one of Top Gear's producers. What pisses me off about this is that the BBC has decided to shelve the last three shows, one of which was due to go out tonight (Sunday 15th March). My question is why? Why deprive the public of a good television programme because of some off-air disagreement between Clarkson and one of his producers? Why should we go without?

Whatever you think of Clarkson, he's good at what he does and he entertains a lot of people. He, May and Hammond work well together and the resulting show, Top Gear, is globally recognised as 'good television' and it wouldn't work if the mix of presenters was in any way changed.

We munched our BelVitas – which have firmly taken over from cereal bars – sipped our tea and then mounted the bikes for the return journey, this time riding west on Clarks Lane and then north along the 269.