To keep dry in the rain, take the car, bus or train ...not the bike!

If you want to stay dry during rainy weather, leave the bike in the garage and use the car, the train or the bus. It's that simple. I don't think I've ever gone out in the rain, wearing supposedly 'waterproof' clothing, and come back dry. I'm talking about the ineffectiveness of cycling-specific 'waterproof' clothing. Somehow, the rain gets in and I get soaked to the bone. I suppose the acid test is whether you can reach your destination dry and not have to change clothes when you get back. Easier said than done, I'd say.

If it's raining, leave the bike in the garage...

I recently bought a traditional cycling cape off Amazon. It looked the business to be fair, transforming yours truly into a kind of high-viz caped crusader, and I was convinced it would do the job, ie, keep me dry. I remember owning a cycling cape years and years and years ago and, I can't remember how, but it somehow clipped to the bike forming a kind of tent over my legs and, by and large, kept me dry. Not this one. Although, when I mounted the bike I felt pretty confident that I would get home dry. As I set off, however, the first problem was safety. I had two choices: Keep my hands under the cape, which would mean a lot of faffing around, first to avoid the cape obstructing the lights, and second, how to grab the material of the cape in such a way as to enable normal operation of the brakes. The second choice was whether to put my arms through two apertures so they were free to hold the handlebars in the normal manner. Eventually, after stopping and starting a fair bit, I opted for the latter.

For a while I was confident that I would remain dry, but this was purely because the rain was almost non-existent. The first thing I noticed was that the cape wasn't going to protect my legs, leading me to the conclusion that a cape alone was not the answer to keeping dry. I would need to be wearing waterproof trousers. Another thing was to factor in the wind. Wind and capes are not good bedfellows. Once the wind gets inside it, well, you're finished basically. The wind blew the cape back at me exposing my legs completely so that when it really did start to rain I was wet through within 10 minutes. Add no front mudguards and the fact that the front wheel was kicking up a lot of water from puddles and, well, I was out of the game before it started.

I rode along the B269 to Botley Hill and then turned right on to The Ridge, heading towards Woldingham. When I reached the Botley Hill Farmhouse pub the proper rain had started and I resigned myself to being wet through from the waist down, and getting wetter as I progressed towards and through Woldingham. On the downward ride along Slines Oak Road I had that sense of resignation that I normally have in the rain when not wearing waterproof clothing. I was wet, basically. I had been defeated. Nothing else mattered. Bring it on. I embraced my wetness in other words. The cape hadn't done it's job and I was, I have to admit, despairing, writing a much more depressing version of this article in my head as I rode along and almost blaming Boris Johnson for my predicament.

Why didn't I think of that? An umbrella!

Well, it wasn't all bad news: my upper body had remained dry and this was when I realised that to keep totally dry I'd need to be wearing those waterproof trousers; but even then, would I really keep dry? No, I wouldn't. I went out in waterproof trousers when it wasn't raining (as an insurance policy in case it did rain) and when I got back I was wet through, with sweat! I had to change my trousers. So, my simple message to readers is this: if it's raining and you're thinking of riding the bike, don't. Not if you want to keep dry. Why? Because wearing 'waterproof' clothing will not keep you dry, you'd be better off either taking the car, the bus or the train. One thing I did think about was wearing day-to-day rainwear, like a trench coat or a hooded parker, the stuff I normally wear when I go out for walk in the rain. Not that I consciously go out for a walk in the rain. Who does? I mean, let's face it, you only go out in the rain if you have to. Fine, you might be caught out in the rain, hence that well-worn mummy phrase, "take your coat, it might rain", but if it's raining BEFORE you got out, what do you do? Ask mum for a lift to the station, or whatever. You certainly wouldn't take a walk for the hell of it.

The cape would be good for walking in the rain, but on a bike, unless accompanied by waterproof trousers, you're on a loser and even with them you'd likely still get back and have to change. Personally, I'd love to know if there is such a thing as truly waterproof cycling wear, somehow I don't think there's any such thing.

Postscript, Saturday 19th December 2020...

I was praying for more rain today as I wanted to test the cape and waterproof trousers combo, but alas, initially just a mild spitting when I set off on the Slines Oak Sloth, a 16-mile ride that, like yesterday, takes me on the 269, along The Ridge and then past the golf course into Woldingham and home via the length of Slines Oak Road. It brings my total mileage this week to just over 50 miles.

There was rain but not as much as yesterday, but guess what? Yes, when I reached home I was soaked through and had to change all my clothes. My trousers (the ones underneath the waterproof trousers) were wet through, even the fleece I was wearing under the cape was wet through, my socks were soaked and my supposedly waterproof Peter Storm walking shoes are also soaked and will take a few days to dry off.

I was kind of hoping that wearing the cape/waterproof trousers combo would improve things, but no, the result and the message of this article remains the same: there is no such thing as waterproof cycling wear, you might escape with being less wet than you might have been had you not been wearing your protective clothing, but you will still be wet and that's in mild rain. Should you experience a major downpour then in my opinion you're better off stripping naked and riding home; that way all you'll need to do when you get home is dry yourself off.

Photos courtesy of Pixabay.

To Sevenoaks and then to Tatsfield Village...

To a certain extent I've lost (or I'm losing) my grip on reality. I'm glad, however, that I'm now off for Christmas, which is good news. I need the rest. It's been busy at work and we've all been working at home for most of the year. While I rather enjoyed the summer lockdown (that word 'lockdown' was meaningless to anybody who owned a bike) I haven't been too happy with the latest bout of restrictions. Why? Because the weather has closed in, cycling is less frequent and when I'm not working, well, what is there to do? I've had a few walks around the block, but I've been unable to motivate myself to ride the bike. This week, I've only cycled 21 miles, although, as I write this, I am considering a ride to somewhere and if I can manage a 20-miler (I can definitely manage it) my total will go over the 40-mile marker, meaning that a ride to Velo Barn tomorrow (Saturday) will mean a weekly total of something like 60+ plus. Not bad considering past weekly totals that have hovered around 35-40 miles.

I know Andy's been getting out there. I've been following his Strava feed. Mainly local rides, which is what I should be forcing myself to do, but as we've both been saying, it's those low-mileage local rides that soon add up. If I could just motivate myself to ride, say, Tuesdays and Thursdays that would be 20 miles (two laps each) and to be honest, it's the two laps that demotivates me. Perhaps I need to work out a local 10-miler that doesn't repeat itself. Repetition = monotony = demotivation = no cycling. I need to get out there and today must be a 20-miler, perhaps a ride to Tatsfield village via Beddlestead Lane and then back via Beech Farm Road and Washpond Lane, that would be good.

Only three miles to Sevenoaks?

My last ride was on Sunday. I rode out later than usual because of the rain and I sat outside the Velo Barn with a cappuccino and a slice of coffee and walnut cake. To be honest, I'm getting fed up with the combination. I might revert to tea and skip the cake because the latter is a bit squidgy, overly moist, perhaps, but not best of breed, put it that way. And I've started wondering whether the cake cancels out the health benefits of the ride. I think we all know it does.

It's 0823hrs, Saturday morning, and I'm sitting at the dining room table, lap top on, listening (for the first time in while) the Today programme on Radio 4, they've just interviewed Larry Lamb about Barbara Windsor, who has died, aged 83, after a long battle with dementia. I interviewed her back in the eighties in a pub in Amersham, a nice woman, but unfortunately I was let down by technology. My tape recorder wouldn't work and I remember driving all the way from Brighton early in the morning, in the rain, and I wasn't feeling too healthy either.

I think if I leave shortly I might be lucky on the ride front. Certainly if I head out within the next 30 minutes. I didn't go out yesterday (Friday) so I need some decent mileage today.

Saturday morning: to Sevenoaks!

Riding to Sevenoaks in Kent wasn't the plan. The plan was to head for Dunton Green and then ride back, but when I reached the road sign just before entering Dunton Green I noted that Sevenoaks was only three miles away. Riverhead was two. So off I went. Initially I was thinking of simply riding to the Velo Barn, but as I said earlier, I'm going off of the coffee and walnut cake and and I can take or leave a cappuccino (what was wrong with me, getting into drinking coffee?). Anyway, it was a spur-of-the-moment decision.

I rode the fast way along the 269 and then took a left on to Pilgrim's Lane. My plan was to have a break at Bojangles in Dunton Green, but it was closed and then, as I say, I pushed on to Sevenoaks. There were plenty of other cyclists around, mainly Lycra monkeys, but the ride was good. Parts of Sundridge Lane were flooded, puddles stretched across the width of the road, but conditions generally were good. I didn't hang around either: I didn't have any tea with me and because I didn't have a mask I couldn't really stop anywhere, which was mildly annoying as I spotted Malabar, a coffee shop in Riverhead, but even with a mask I was in two minds as I was a good 90 minutes away from home.

I was on the bike for three hours and when I reached home it was gone 1130. The weather was drizzly and by the time I reached home I was damp, that's probably the best way to describe the state of my clothing. Damp right through to the cycling shorts. After a cup of tea I fixed up a Samsung HD television in one of the upstairs bedrooms and then messed around changing passwords on things because we had upgraded the WiFi. Annoyingly, for some reason, I've lost all the apps (Netflix etc) on the television downstairs and the Sonos has gone too. Other than that all is fine [later I managed to fix both].

Tatsfield village to meet Andy...

It's Sunday morning now and in 10 minutes I'll be out on the bike again. During the week new lights arrived and they're pretty powerful.

I fixed my new front light to the bike and headed for Tatsfield on a grey morning that constantly threatened rain. When I reached the village, Andy was there and we sat and chatted about bikes. Should I have abandoned the Kona Scrap? No, of course not, it was fine, although the Specialized Rockhopper is far more suitable for our rides with its 27 gears (as opposed to 16) but then, let's face it, for 10 years I rode the Kona and while it was always in a state of disrepair (there was always a faulty brake or a dodgy gear) I rode everywhere on it and it's still in the garage now with two flat tyres. It needs a service and possibly a new bottom bracket, who knows? I'm planning on getting it serviced soon.

Andy's Kona Blast, Tatsfield, Sunday 13 Dec*

The ride back from Tatsfield was wet. It started raining as soon as we mounted our bikes for the return journey and intensified as the ride progressed. By the time we parted company at the top of Slines Oak Road in Woldingham it was chucking it down. The thing about rain is this: if you're caught out in it you simply get on with the task of getting to your destination. If it's raining before you leave the house, the chances are you'll abort the ride. Listen, while I think the best thing to do is to get on out there, I too (more often than not) can't resist an abort text at the slightest sign of rain. Because, let's face it, riding in the rain is no fun, but I suppose the thing is to judge it correctly. A fine, light rain is probably alright, but it's the slightly heavier and more consistent downpour that makes a ride not worth the bother.

And talking of wet weather, I found a traditional cycling cape online the other day, and I'm seriously thinking about buying it**: it's high viz, has a hood and apertures through which you put your hands and I reckon it'll keep me 100% dry. Basically, it's a tent that you wear.

* Photo: Andy Smith

** I've bought it!

Not riding as much, but why fret about it?

I missed a week. Didn't write a thing. Maybe because I didn't really do a great deal. Well, I didn't ride the bike that much. Last week I didn't really do a great deal either. Alright, I got out on Sunday last week to meet Andy at the Tatsfield village bus stop, but since then only one ride, a 6.13-mile jaunt around my local streets. Quite a work-out, but normally I ride two laps, this time just the one. It was still worth doing, any form of exercise is worth the effort, even if it's only for half an hour. When I say I haven't done much, I mean cycling, nothing else. I don't want anybody thinking I haven't been working. In fact, I'd say work has kind of taken over a bit, or it did last week.

Velo Barn today

Today the ride was blessed with heavy fog. I mean, there's always fog at this time of the year around the Botley Hill area, but today was something else, it was everywhere. Once I found myself on the 269 there was fog and it went all the way down Clarks Lane and was even hanging around as I made the turn left into Pilgrim's Lane on the final stretch of gravel before reaching the Velo Barn. I was going to sail right past it, ride into Westerham and then back up the hill, but in the end I decided it was worth stopping. Then I said to myself that I wouldn't order cake, just a large cappuccino with chocolate on top, but I weakened. I sat outside, wearing shorts for heaven's sake, but as I say it wasn't cold and there's nothing better than chilling in a place like the Velo Barn, among other cyclists, drinking a decent cup of coffee and munching on a piece of cake before heading back up the hill towards the fog and home.

Velo Barn last Saturday...

In recent times I've taken to riding along The Ridge and into Woldingham rather than chance my arm on the 269, which is an inherently dangerous piece of road, and even more so in the fog. But even along The Ridge there was mist, albeit not as thick. I rode down Slines Oak Road and then up the steep bit towards the lower end of the 269 and there was no fog. I cycled into Warlingham and headed down the Limpsfield Road towards Sanderstead and home and now I'm chilling. I was listening to music, but now I'm writing this blogpost and I'm amazed I skipped a week as normally I'm pretty good at regular weekly posts. I hope my millions of readers haven't taken offence at my laziness. I'm sure they haven't. I mean I've not received any complaints and none of the TV channels seem to be mentioning my absence from cyber space. Should that be two words or one?

So my weekly mileage for the current week is what? I rode around 18 miles last Sunday, then six during the week, that's what, 24 miles, and now I've added another 20 miles, so that's a grand total of 44 miles, the equivalent - in 'old days' terms - of two runs to Westerham at the weekend. Not bad really, but I should have rode my local run twice and had I done so I'd have been on 50 miles dead. I'm wishing I'd got out there earlier if the truth be know. I should have left around 0700hrs and headed for Dunton Green, that would have meant around 55 miles, which would have been even more respectable. But it's funny how the weather dictates everything and how, as the nights close in and we steam towards Christmas, that desire to go all out and ride 20 milers three or four times a week disappears. I think the key thing here is not to fret, not to get uptight about mileage and just get out there, even if it's on a short ride round the block.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to meet Andy and possibly Phil and/or Geoff in Tatsfield. Tomorrow starts my cycling week and next week I'm hoping to get two local rides in. Let's see. The key is not to get uptight about anything, as I'm prone to do.

This week my sanity has been preserved by watching I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here. I know, it's rubbish television, but for some reason I look forward to it and I think it's because I need that escapism at the moment. Rubbish TV on one hand, Chuck Palahniuk on the other, both good in their own ways, but if I had to make a choice, it would be Chuck as there's a big difference between escapism and inspiration.

Postscript - riding off without my rucksack

How ridiculous and how typical of me, mind wandering all over the place, fretting about this and fretting about that and what did I go and do? I'll tell you. I was sitting in the Velo Barn on Saturday morning, enjoying a slice of coffee and walnut cake and a large espresso, and then I got up to leave. In fact, I left without my rucksack, which I'd placed on the floor beside me, resting against the wall of the Velo Barn. I got up and rode off, leaving the rucksack behind. I rode all the way home without even noticing I didn't have it and when I reached home it still hadn't twigged. There are reasons for this, of course. Because I wasn't carrying the flask and the mug and the milk, there was no cause to even think about the rucksack, and because I hadn't had a puncture (and, therefore, did not need my puncture repair kit) the rucksack was of little importance). I reached home, came into the house and got on with my day. It was only the following morning (Sunday) as I searched for the rucksack in order to place inside it my flask, mug and milk container that I realised it was missing. It wasn't in the garage and then, of course, I remembered, it was still at the Velo Barn. Everything has a knock-on effect. No rucksack meant no tea for Andy and I at the Tatsfield Village bus stop. Fortunately, Andy offered to buy me a coffee from the shop so all was not lost and then, instead of riding all the way to Woldingham with Andy on the return trip I rode in the other direction to the Velo Barn to pick it up. I stopped for another cappuccino, but no cake, and then I rode home. There was thick fog again so I followed The Ridge into Woldingham as I did on Saturday, still foggy, but not as bad as on the 269. Oddly, while we were sitting at the bus stop, Andy said a quicker way to reach the Velo Barn would be to take the off-road track past the golf course. "No, the problem with that is I'd get a puncture," I said, happy with riding along Pilgrim's Lane instead, but as I approached the off-road bit, I decided to take it and, as I suspected, the bit at the end was just as rough and muddy as I remembered it. Anyway, later, as I approached home territory I noticed a wobble and sure enough the bike had a rear wheel puncture. Very annoying. I trundled down Church Way and limped my way into Ellenbridge Road and home. As I write this the puncture ain't fixed, but I'll have a bit of time tomorrow so I'll get it done. At least it didn't happen while on the road and at least it didn't happen when I didn't have my rucksack containing the puncture repair kit. You live and learn. Or perhaps you don't.

Great week of cycling and fairly decent weather too...

I took last week off, which is a bit strange when you're working from home; it's a bit like going to the office for a holiday. Well, not really. I've grown accustomed to my work and home environment being one and the same thing and it's easy to adapt and separate the two. The first thing is just don't do any work; that's easy enough, you simply keep your desktop computer off, go nowhere near it, and don't answer your mobile phone either. 

Coffee and cake at Velo Barn...

Ultimately, therefore, I had a great week. I cycled a lot (unlike this week) and ultimately I rode around 94 miles, just over, closer to 95. This was achieved not by riding long distances like I did in the summer, but by riding short 10-milers every day. I managed to ride over 50 miles between Monday and Friday and when I added up all the fractions of a mile, the grand total on Friday night was an incredible 71.71 miles. Bon and I had talked about a ride to Redhill on Saturday, but in the end I rode to the Velo Barn for a cappuccino and a slice of coffee and walnut cake. The perfect way, you might say, to round off a week of cappuccinos and cakes. Let me see now, I had a large cappuccino and a slice of coffee and walnut cake in the Sevenoaks M&S cafe just prior to lockdown; I visited Knole on two occasions and had the exact same order, then there was a slice of cake standing on mum's doorstep and, then, of course, there was the Velo Barn on Saturday. I'm missing one more occasion, but I can't for the life of me remember what I did as we never ventured far from the house, Sevenoaks being the furthest journey. It doesn't matter. Either way I had a lot of cake and a lot of cappuccino, but fortunately, I did a lot of cycling so I think I'm in the clear where the health police are concerned.

The weather was fairly good too, a bit blowy on a couple of the local 10-milers, but generally fine and no rain. The ride to Velo Barn was, as always, wonderful. I left the house around 0800hrs, got there just after 0900hrs and sat outside eating my cake and sipping my cappuccino, surrounded by Lycra Monkeys.

Sunday, of course, was the start of my cycling week and, as usual, I rode to the Tatsfield Village bus stop to see Andy and Phil. No sausage sarnies or cakes this week, which was just as well when I consider my week of over indulgence. It was, as always, just over 18 miles as I rode back along The Ridge to avoid the 269, parting with Andy at the top of Slines Oak Road in Woldingham.

Nice weather at Velo Barn and loads of Lycra Monkeys too

It would be remiss of me not to mention the US elections and the fact that Trump lost. It goes without saying that he thinks he won and that the whole thing was rigged by the Democrats. Personally, I think he should quietly and not be such a bad sport, but he's a bad loser and it looks as if he'll be going on and on about it for years to come. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not somebody who hates the Republican party, I'm not a socialist by any stretch of the imagination. Had the Republican guy been Mitt Romney or even Bush I wouldn't have been THAT bothered who won the contest, but it was Donald Trump and as most people know, if they've been watching, he's been a complete arse with his wall separating Mexico from the USA, with his Muslim travel ban and God knows what else, he's just a complete arsehole and nobody, apart from toothless Americans with guns and a prepper mentality seem to like him. Mind you, we have our 'Trump' here in the UK going by the name of Boris Johnson. He's not been in power for a year yet, which is a pity as it means we have four more years to run before we can get somebody decent in Number 10. Now, I know people say that Starmer's a good egg, and he might be, but the party he's in charge of has taken a right drubbing from the Corbyn years and there's a lot of stuff that needs to be resolved before I vote for him. 

Tatsfield Village on Sunday morning, note Phil on his bike

The virus continues and we're all under a kind of lockdown until 2nd December, but then what?

Cycling this week has been a no-no so far, but I'm aiming to get out tomorrow morning BEFORE work to put that right and then, hopefully, ride Thursday and Friday, giving me a total for the week of around 49 miles. Then, if I ride to Westerham again and repeat last Saturday's ride (or even head for Botley Hill) then I might put in a fairly respectable weekly mileage. We'll see.

To the Velo Barn and then to Tatsfield Village (in the rain)...

Not a particularly impressive week on the cycling front. I went out once on a 10-miler, two laps of local streets, and that was it. The main cause of my lack of riding was the weather. It was one of those situations where, if I left it until after work, which was roughly 1630hrs, then the chances of rain were very high and if it was raining I'd stay indoors. On the day I did go out, it was first thing in the morning, 0710hrs to be precise, and having enjoyed a good night's sleep it was a pleasant ride and not a tiresome one. Afternoon rides after a day at work are just that, tiresome. I feel weary and want it to end so I can get back home and chill in front of the television or read a book. So just one ride. The most disheartening aspect of it all was the weather app on my iphone, which sported a cloud with rain underneath it for most days of the week. Very depressing. I started to pin my hopes on the weekend, but noticed that the rain cloud symbol appeared for both Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday it looked as if my only chance was to head out early and try to get back before the rain, which, according to my phone, was going to start at 1000hrs. I left around 0800hrs, which I thought might be too late, and rode to the Velo Barn, a 10.73-mile outward journey and it was rain-free, which was just as well as I wasn't wearing any protective clothing. Well, alright, I had on an old Regatta waterproof top, that was all...and trousers, of course, underneath which I had my Lycra cycling shorts.

The other day I was wondering whatever happened to our pal "Dawes Galaxy".

As I approached the Velo Barn I did seriously consider riding further, like last week. Yes, Dunton Green sprang to mind as a 31-mile ride would give me a respectable weekly mileage figure of 41 miles. I say 'respectable' and I mean 'respectable' inasmuch as I'd only been out once during the week. But, as I reached the end of Pilgrims Lane, with the Velo Barn on my right, the temptation provided by the thought of a cappuccino and a slice of lemon cake proved too much. And besides, I'd brought my book with me and intended to read some of it, which I did. As always, the place was full of Lycra Monkeys, but I don't really mind them. Soon it was time to go and I was still in need of more cycling so instead of heading home I rode into Westerham and rode through the town and home via the usual route up the hill, adding, I reckon, about two miles to the journey, possibly two and a half miles, but let's not quibble, it's not as if I put in a great performance last week, is it?

The ride home was as expected, except that I didn't feel in anyway phased by the ride towards the hill, which, on other occasions would have been a tiresome experience as I thought ahead to the slow incline all the way to Botley. I took the whole lot in my stride and this was because my level of fitness had improved thanks to a summer of almost daily cycling in decent weather. I can't remember what time I reached home, but I was pleased to have avoided the rain, or most of it. I managed to reach Sanderstead High Street when the rain eventually started, but I was only five minutes from home and while five minutes of rain did mean I got wet, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. 

The Sunday ride was next on the agenda and both Andy and I were hoping upon hope that it would take place, although we knew there was little chance of seeing Phil or Geoff. Rain was promised, but before I hit the sack on Saturday night I heard a weather forecaster talk about light rain in the morning and heavier downpours later. This time I thought I'd go out in full waterproofs and I did. It was raining when I stepped outside and in pre-lockdown days this would have been cause for an 'abort' text, but after a good six months of almost daily riding I wanted to be on the bike, rain or shine, so off I went and it was fine. Invariably it is fine, it's just the thought of riding in the rain that's off-putting. I kept up a reasonably good pace, rode the fast way along the 269 and Andy was there when I arrived. Our new destination appears to be the Tatsfield Village bus stop, we've moved on from our old haunt of the bus stop at the end of Approach Road. We made small talk as we always do, drank tea, ate a biscuity snack and chatted with an old guy who described as both as 'mad men' for riding all the way from our respective homes in Sanderstead and Caterham in the rain. Perhaps it was a little mad cycling in the rain to Tatsfield Village, it's not as if much goes on there, but it had to be done and we're both glad we got out and did it and that the rain didn't prevent us from going out as it used to.

The ride home was easy enough. The rain had eased, although it hadn't been too bad. I rode along The Ridge with Andy and parted company at the top of Slines Oak Road in leafy Woldingham. Even riding up Slines Oak and on to the 269 was no big deal and I reached home before 1000hrs.

A few words about waterproof cycling clothing. In a nutshell, I wish I hadn't bothered if the truth be known, although, saying that, I probably would have been wetter and more uncomfortable when I arrived at the village if I'd left it behind. My problem with it is this: it makes me sweat so when I reach home I notice that I am wet through. Everything I was wearing was wet as if I hadn't worn any protective clothing and my shoes were full of water and soaked through, so I'm now thinking I would have been better off just wearing the cycling shorts and, alright, possibly just a waterproof top to protect my upper body. It wasn't cold, that's the key thing, but as it was everything had to be peeled off and everything is now drying on radiators or on clothes horses. I jumped into the shower and now I'm dressed and washed and shaved and feeling good. 

I'm hoping to get more riding in next week, certainly more than last week, but right now I'm chilling and thinking about lunch.

Points of Order

* Incidentally, if you're wondering why there's a photograph of our old pal "Dawes Galaxy" included with this post, it's there for two reasons: First, my iphone is now such a pile of poo that the battery is always running low very quickly and invariably when I go to take a photo it packs up; Second, I was thinking about him yesterday as I rode to the Velo Barn. We haven't seen him since the above shot was taken and I fear the worst.

* Velo Barn. I've been wrongly pronouncing it as the "Veelo" barn when I should have been saying "Vello" barn, as in 'velodrome'. It's definitely 'vello' drome and not 'veelo' drome so I'm guessing it's 'vello' barn and not 'veelo' barn. Lesson learned.

* Lastly, thanks to Andy for a brand new pair of gloves. He inadvertantly found himself with a spare pair and gave them to me. Much appreciated.

A (baker's) dozen things to consider if you're new to cycling...

Specialized Rockhopper Sport 29er

Things to look out for when riding the bike - a few thoughts.

1. Get used to your bike before you cycle too much on the roads. By that I mean get to know how it handles, what its limitations are and so on. 

2. When you're on the road, don't let your mind drift. Be aware of traffic at all times and listen out for cars. Watch the situation in front, ie sometimes cars give room to a cyclist on the other side of the road, but that means they're coming straight for you, beware. 

3. On the point of motorists giving cyclists room, most don't bother. They're supposed to leave something like three feet between you and them, but they don't, most drive far too close for comfort, so keep over to the left hand side and don't drift to the right, keep the bike straight and always cover the brakes with your hands. 

4. Beware of motorists full stop. Especially van drivers. They don't care about you. Watch out when riding along for lorries or buses or coaches turning left in front of you, they might not have seen you on their inside; there's been a lot of cyclist deaths caused by lorries, buses, coaches etc turning left with a cyclist coming along their inside. 

5. Parked cars. Another big cause of cycling accidents is people opening their driver side door as you're riding past. You must give them enough room to do this. I've had a few close calls. So when you're approaching parked cars, check what's behind you before moving out and keep your eyes peeled, give the cars parked on your left room as again, motorists don't think and they don't care about you.

7. Don't drive recklessly and by that I mean don't speed, especially on downhill sections of road or bends where you don't know what's coming round the corner. You'd be amazed how sometimes cars come round a corner on the wrong side of the road. 

8. Don't take corners too fast. This was how I came off back in October 2016, cutting my legs and hands in the process. It was painful for days, make that weeks, and my right knee swelled up. Not good and all because I came whizzing round a left turn too fast on a wet road, the bike slid from under me and I hit the road hard. The weird (and nasty) thing about coming off is the impact. You hit the ground with a thud, it's really not pleasant. With this in mind, your bike has very very thin tyres compared to mine, making it much easier for you to come a cropper if the roads are wet. Don't be fooled, keep the speed down. I came off when I was riding the Specialized Crosstrail Sport Disc, a hybrid, that's why I exchanged it for a mountain bike (fatter tyres, more stability). See photo at the top for my new bike, a Specialized Rockhopper Sport 29er. Although make no mistake, the accident was my fault, not the bike's.

9. Keep an eye on the saddle. It might not be right for you. You'll soon know if you're getting numbness 'down there' and you don't want to be getting any embarrassing problems. There are plenty of good saddles,  just go on Amazon and you'll find them.

10. Enjoy riding the bike with pals, go to the parks etc, but I would strongly advise against commuting on it through rush hour traffic in any UK city, but especially in London, although since lockdown there's been more cycle lanes. I've been riding, mostly at weekends, and Andy and I go out early into the rural lanes of Northern Kent, leaving the house around 0700hrs and getting back around 0900hrs, possibly a bit later, but the point is there's  less traffic. The key thing to avoid at all costs is traffic and this is more of a problem in the city.

11. Don't wear flip flops or any other inappropriate footwear.

12. Always be prepared for punctures, get some 'leeches' from Halfords, make sure you have a small pump and, of course, something to put it in (small rucksack, for example). And, what about a lock? Lots of bikes are nicked so I'd suggest a U-lock, although they are very heavy and cumbersome.

13. Don't ride in the gutter. Why not? Because of all the crap that resides there, like leaves, general crap, potholes and so forth. It also encourages close passes. 

Non-stop to and from Dunton Green - a good way to end the week!

Cycling around the burbs as I have been this week, I'm conscious of the human condition hiding behind parked cars and occasionally stepping out from behind trees. It's hard sometimes for me to take my mind off of it, but often I turn to license plates as a form of distraction and a way of thinking about something else other than the passing of time and not really achieving anything. I play this silly game where I have to work out what the last three letters of a particular number plate stand for; today, for instance, I passed a parked car with a plate ending OOF, which sounds like the noise I would make if I ran into somebody at speed. OOF! OOF should have an exclamation mark after it, OOF! But what else could it stand for? Well, how about 'Ordinary Orange Face', something you might attribute to Donald Trump as he has what you might describe as an ordinary orange face. Anyway, you get the gist of what I'm saying, anything to stop me thinking about hour glasses and what I'm doing (or not doing) with my life.

Everybody's getting a little pissed off. It's the fucking virus. Certain parts of the country have gone into so-called Tier 3 'measures', which is the same, almost, as being in lockdown. The Mayor of Manchester, Andy Burnham, is putting up a fight and as a friend of mine suggested on Twitter recently, has become a kind of Prime Minister for the North.

Here in London we're now in Tier 2 'measures' and I'm guessing that sooner or later there will be a 'circuit breaker' lockdown that will probably last a fortnight and keep us all indoors, like we were back in the period March to September this year, give or take. I've written a lot about my lockdown experiences, 42 posts in total, and you can find them by scrolling back.

Lockdown hasn't really bothered me if I'm honest. I've made the most of my bicycle and have at times reached the dizzying heights of 100 miles/week, some feat! Well, it hasn't been that easy. Motivation when you're riding alone is hard to come by, that's what's good about Andy and I cycling together at weekends, we motivate each other. For a while now we've been meeting on Sunday mornings and we both agree that it's the best day of our cycling week, especially now that Phil has returned. And Geoff's been coming too, but neither he nor Phil have arrived on pushbikes, they've arrived by car or motorcycle. Not that it's a problem, we enjoy their company and the chat. In fact, the Sunday ride has become an important event, the one nobody wants to miss, and even now, as I write this, I must admit to being a little bit excited at the prospect of Sunday's ride as it draws closer.

I'm also enjoying my solo trips to the Velo Barn for a cappuccino and a slice of lemon cake. I'll probably head there on Saturday as it's a pleasant 20-miler, roughly, and there's a prize at the end of it (coffee and cake); and yes, coffee. I go through phases now and then when I fancy a cappuccino and a slice of cake, although the latter has been a habit for some time, and now that mum's back in hibernation, it looks as if the Velo Barn's cake selection is my only hope. This week I'll probably take a book with me and simply chill. I can't think of anything better: a ride on the bike, punctuated by coffee, cake and a decent read. Perhaps a newspaper, who knows? Anyway, there follows a day-by-day account of my cycling week, which culminated in a non-stop ride to and from Dunton Green in Kent.

Sunday 18 October 2020

I must try and do better this week. Last week, I managed 38 miles in total, not good. The week before I think it was 45 miles and the weeks before that the mileage was perfectly acceptable, ie well over 60 miles. It's got a lot to do with the change in the weather. Gone are the balmy summer days of 2020, which saw me out on the bike most days riding a fair distance on each occasion. It's now the autumn, mid-October, and there are cloudy skies. Everythng is dull and boring, just like those awful Saturday afternoons when I was a kid with nothing to look forward to other than Songs of Praise and school on Monday.

Excellent cakes, two each!

Perhaps this week I should adopt the principle of shorter rides, cycle for 10 miles per day so that by the end of the week I'd have put in around 50 miles, plus today's 18 miles, that's 68 and then a ride to the Velo Barn would bring my total to 88 miles. That's going to be my aim. All I have to do this week is put my new saddle in place.

Today, Sunday, I rode to the Tatsfield Bus Stop to meet Andy and Phil, both of whom were there when I arrived. I'd been dallying in the garage trying to fix my Wild Man crossbar bag onto the bike. Nothing's easy so in the end I got it half on and then headed off for Tatsfield village. I left at 0723hrs and got there around 0810hrs. Phil had brought some nice cakes, made by his daughter (see photo). We had two each and chatted about this and that. Andy says our pal Dave is moving to Wales.

For Saturday and Sunday's ride I've been wearing my new cycling shorts. They make a huge difference. Currently I have my bike's original saddle in place, and with the new shorts, there's no problems with pain or numbness or anything, so clearly the big issue for me was not wearing cycling shorts. I'm still going to fix the new saddle on the bike, but I'll leave it until Tuesday.

The pond at the top of Slines Oak Road...

Monday 19 October 2020

I should have taken the bike to work this morning, but I didn't because I was so tired. I've been getting quite a few late nights, but managed to hit the sack around 2200hrs last night. I awoke around 0430 but drifted off and didn't really want to get out of bed, which is strange as I'm always bright-eyed and bushy tailed and ready to rock well before 0600hrs normally. It's a clear sign that winter is well and truly on the way. I should have been on the bike at 0630hrs. The weather was great and still is as I write this now, but instead I left the bike at home, which is a real shame as the iphone is suggesting rain for the rest of the week. I might have to get used to riding in the rain. My aim is 10-milers daily Tuesday through Friday and then a ride to the Velo Barn on Saturday, meaning I should be riding around 60 miles this week, possibly more if the rain holds off and I boost my mileage, but let's see. Right now it's 1614hrs and I ought to be heading home.

Tuesday 20 October 2020

I was expecting rain, but the weather turned out to be fine so I headed out on a lunch time ride of 10.53 miles. My plan is to ride short distances all week and if I keep up the 10.53 miles daily then I'll have covered 40 miles by the close of play Friday. A ride to the Velo Barn on Saturday is roughly 20 miles or, if I'm really adventurous and head for Dunton Green, that could boost my weekly mileage to over 70 miles. 

My lunch time ride today took me on two laps of my local route, the one that incorporates the Norfolk Nobbler and a little bit more. One lap is just under five miles so when I finished my second lap I continued up West Hill, rode the length of the Ridgeway, turned left on Arkwright, left again into the other part of Arkwright and then left on Morley, right on Elmfield, left into Southcote, right on Ellenbridge and home. A 10-miler. Perfect. Now to keep it up all week. The shorter rides should mean I get a ride in even if it's raining, or between rain showers. Ideally I should head for the lakes or Dunton Green on Saturday, or Redhill with Bon perhaps. Throwing in a ride to Redhill would make the weekly total 64 miles, far better than last week's total, but not a patch on my summer riding, unless I throw in a ride to Tatsfield in the late afternoon/early evening. 

I managed to fix my new saddle on the bike, something I thought would prove impossible, but it's on and it's fine.

Wednesday 21 October 2020

It rained all day. A ride was looking highly unlikely. After work I watched and waited. The plan was to complete another 10-miler, staying close to the house. Eventually, around 5pm, the weather settled a little bit so off I went. As I rode the route I realised that I'm going to need a new seat post. It's all very annoying, but my existing post is long and it hits something inside the frame that prevents it from going down further than its current position, which is still too high. I've considered buying a hacksaw and shaving off around two inches, but perhaps it'll be easier to buy a shorter post. If I buy a new post I'll have to fix the saddle on it, meaning that I've been messing around for weeks taking saddles on and off only to discover that the addition of a new saddle has fucked up the riding position. Still, I've now got 38 miles under my belt and the weather is looking promising for the rest of the week.

Thursday 22 October 2020

The weather today was fantastic, not a drop of rain and most of the day plenty of sunshine too, although the winter is coming, my friends, the temperatures are dropping and the nights are closing in. I was going to ride further than just my two laps of the burbs, but by the time I got out there I started thinking about being caught out in the dark, which wouldn't have been a problem as I have lights, but all the same, who wants to be riding at night time? Not me. So around a quarter to five I headed off for two laps and around 10.5 miles. It's fine, but it's boring, laps always are, but two laps is just about acceptable, although I'll admit to being glad to get home. My cumulative weekly total so far is 48 miles, give or take, possibly 49 miles, so a ride to the Velo Barn on Saturday will give me a respectable end-of-week total, certainly when compared to last week's poor show. I've still got bike hassles, by the way. In fact, I've realised that cycling really is a balancing act in more ways than one. If you mess about with one aspect of the bike, it messes up something else. Last week I was messing around with saddles and now I've got a new one, but guess what? The seat makes it impossible for my feet to touch the ground and the problem is the seat post. I might buy another one or simply swap it with the Truvativ seat post on the Kona, although I don't want to start cannibalising the Kona, so perhaps just buying a new seat post will do. Either that or hacksawing around two inches off the bottom of the existing post. Somehow I think the cheaper option is buying a new one or nicking the Kona's.

Friday 23 April 2020

The day started sunny but slowly deteriorated and then I found myself gassing on the phone to a work colleague and not really paying attention to the time. In the end it was gone 5pm and raining so no riding for me today. I can still redeem myself if I ride early to Dunton Green, a tall order, but might be possible if the weather holds out. Perhaps Redhill, or even the Velo Barn, but the latter will bring my total to just 70 miles. I know, I know, it's much more than last week's piss poor performance and at least I'll be on an upwards curve.

Non-stop to Dunton Green, Kent...

Saturday 24 April 2020

And so I reach the end of my week and, as usual, it's early in the morning and I'm sitting here at the table, everybody else is asleep upstairs and I'm on the lap top looking at Twitter and writing this rather long sentence. I'm contemplating what to do: ride to Velo Barn or ride over to Woodmansterne to see Bon? It's a tough choice, but I really need to put in the miles, hence the Velo Barn has a certain appeal, although I could always ride to Redhill, that would be just over 24 miles and there would be big climbs on the return ride. I've got time to think about it as my phone is charging and I'll need it if I'm going to ride to the Velo Barn for that coffee and cake I talked about earlier in this post. Just in case you're wondering, I've been writing this post on a day-by-day basis, I haven't written all of it this morning, even if I was up before 0600hrs stuffing my face with Alpen and drinking decaff tea. It's almost 0800hrs, and probably will be by the time I finish this sentence. Well, alright, it's still not 'on the hour' but it will be soon. The phone's on charge, the day is looking surprisingly grey and there might well be some rain, but I've got to get out there.

And I did get out! Far out! My intention was to ride to the Velo Barn, but then, as it drew near, I thought I'd crack on and aim for Dunton Green instead. I figured I could have a coffee and some caked at Bojangles. It's been a while since my last visit when it was takeaway-only, so surely it's reverted to a sit-down cafe. But then I was hit with devastating news as I rode along the last few yards of Pilgrims Lane: I didn't have a face mask! How fucking irritating. But later, as I approached the caff I noticed a queue of people outside, they were still offering takeaway only. The problem, of course, is that my last visit was in August when the sun was shining and those white plastic tables and chairs across the road behind the hedge were fine, some would say perfect. Now it is late October and there has been a drizzly rain falling. The idea of being exposed to the elements doesn't appeal at all so I rode past and down towards a mini roundabout at the top of Rye Lane. I turned around and rode home and while I was tempted to stop at the Velo Barn on the return journey, I pressed on and up towards Botley Hill and then home along the 269. The ride was 31.65 miles, giving me a healthy mileage for the week, roughly 80 miles, probably a bit over. I reached home at 1150hrs feeling good and looking forward to tomorrow's ride to Tatsfield village.

Messing around with saddles and another ride to the Velo Barn...

Sunday, Tatsfield Village, sausage sarnies, Phil, new bike, talked about giving up alcohol, and motorbikes, drank tea, great times, rode back via the Ridge, had a nasty puncture incident, took ages to fix, but got there in the end. Reached home late, gone 1130hrs then drove to Slindon in West Sussex. 

It's looking like a no-cycling kind of week. First, there's the rain, second there's the fact that I decided I could fix a new saddle on to my bike, I couldn't. I brought the seat post into the house, managed to get the old saddle off, but getting the new one back on is one hell of a job especially as I managed to take all the fittings off and now can't get them back on again. I should have realised that I'm a complete cock when it comes to fixing things, especially bikes. I can manage a puncture, even a rear wheel puncture, but the fiddly nature of fixing the saddle means that if you gave me a bike and a saddle and asked me to fix it while staying on a desert island, I'd still be on the island today, I'd be there for months, if not years, that's how bad I am. I don't particularly want this to be the case, but that's the way it is. I wish I could go on a bike maintenance course, like an in-depth course, and learn the whole lot, but I don't have the time or the money so I'm going to have to rely upon bike shops for the foreseeable future.

Last Sunday's puncture on the way back from Tatsfield Village

Rain has been another reason for not riding, although it's more a case of perception and believing the weather app on the iphone than the reality of things. I was in the office yesterday. Now, don't get me wrong, I couldn't have cycled to the office Wednesday because there was no saddle on the bike, but the chief reason I'd ruled it out initially was the weather. The app said rain later in the day so I thought, well, I could ride in and train it back, but decided not to bother. As it turned out, when it was time to head home the weather was fine and it remained that way. I could have riden in and back and that would have been 24 miles under my belt, but no. It's now Thursday and I've only got 18 miles in the bank and a bike without a saddle.

And the saddle situation gets more complicated. The new Daway saddle arrives a day early and wow is it big! It's huge. A bit like the sort of seat you'd find on a vintage Harley Davidson or Indian motorcycle. I'm thinking this is going to be very comfortable, but being a total nob in the technical department, I'm forced to head down to Cycle King to get it fixed on, so I jump in the car with the saddle and seat post and visit the shop. They fix it in place and charge me £8, no problem, and a job well done. So I get home and put the seat post back on the frame and because the saddle is so huge I can no longer touch the ground when sitting on the bike. It gets worse. I discover that my seat post won't go down any further, there's something inside the frame that stops it. This is all very annoying and I start thinking about buying a hacksaw, but then think better of it. To be honest, the seat post issue has arisen before, even with the old Selle Royal saddle, which proved to be not so royal after all (it punctured, hence my need to replace it). There appears to be some kind of bracket inside the frame that prevents my seat post from being any lower, meaning that whenever I stop the bike, at lights etc, I have to make sure I'm off the saddle or I'll simply keel over. So now I'm thinking about a new seat post.

New saddle and a crossbar bag, my new purchases...

To be honest, the Daway 'comfortable' saddle isn't that comfortable and I find myself getting a little annoyed with the Selle Royal product, which I thought was great until it punctured and I had to tape it up. I have to start looking for a bank statement that has details of the original purchase as I can't remember whether I bought it on Amazon or elsewhere. It's still under guarantee so I contact Amazon (after finding a bank statement entry for 10 December 2019 stating I bought it for £45) to see if I can get a refund. In short, I can, so as I'm 'chatting' with the site's online chatbot (actually, I think it's a real person, it has to be, they understand me) I decide to get the Selle Royal refund AND a refund for the Daway too. All fine, except that the bank card I used to buy the Selle is now null and void so I'm offered a gift card instead of the money. Not a bad idea as I need to buy a new saddle so I accept. Then I set about buying a new saddle. I noted with anger, however, that the Selle Royal was now £20 more expensive than when I bought it last December so I shop around and eventually find one (a Serfas) that I buy for just £36. Then I realise I'm not getting any change from that gift card so I decide to buy something else to make up the money: a Wild Man crossbar bag that'll take stuff like a mobile phone, bank card, front door keys and so on. Total order, around £45. In fact, because of the gift card, I only end up paying something like £4 on top for the saddle and the cross bar bag. Result!

The next step, however, is to get the Daway saddle off the bike and into a box and then send the box (containing both saddles) to Amazon. Within five-to -even days I'll receive a refund for the Daway and all will be good. However, my new saddle won't arrive until the 19th October, next week. Fortunately, I have the Rockhopper's original saddle in the garage, which ain't a bad saddle, and this time I'm going to try to fix it by myself. I don't hold out much hope, but let's see. Either way it'll be a temporary measure as when my new saddle arrives I'll be taking it off and replacing it... better make that Cycle King will be doing it. I reckon they'll also be putting the Rockhopper saddle on the seat post, but let's see. All of this is very annoying as it means I haven't been out on the bike all week and it's nothing to do with the rain. Today is Friday, it's been a bad week on the cycling front, but I'm hoping I'll be riding somewhere tomorrow morning.

Well, first, how about an update on the saddle situation. It's all good news. I managed to get the Daway saddle off the bike and into a cardboard box along with the Selle Royal, which, incidentally, had risen in price from the £45 I paid last December to almost £60! And why would I re-buy the saddle that, ultimately, let me down? So I searched Amazon and eventually found the Serfas, designed for blokes, and I think it's better than the Selle Royal. The Serfas saddle employs the ICS 'infinite comfort system' which basically protects your bits, it's as if somebody has sliced a big chunk of it out of the middle, leaving a one-inch depth channel running the length of the seat. I don't plan on fitting it until after tomorrow's ride, just in case I have problems and have to cancel the ride. The original Specialized saddle is fine because I've also bought some pretty decent cycling shorts, yes, cycling shorts, made of Lycra, that I wore today for the first time. I rode to the Velo Barn with the intention of recording the mileage of the ride, which I reckon, all-in, is about 20 miles. Unfortunately, my iPhone ran out of power so I failed in my task, but it doesn't matter. 

When I reached the Velo Barn, just before 0900hrs, I loitered outside until they officially opened on the hour and then ordered a regular cappuccino and a slice of lemon cake. Perfect. Then I sat down and chilled, watching my bike, which was parked outside. I really needed a book to read, that would have been perfect, or a newspaper, but had neither so I just chilled, eavesdropping on other people's conversations before ordering a mug of tea, purely to extend my time sitting there doing nothing. Eventually, of course, I had to go, but the journey back isn't at all difficult. I rode along a short stretch of Pilgrim's Lane, just like last Saturday, and then rode up the hill towards Botley. It was a walk in the park and soon I found myself on the 269 and heading for home. 

This morning I'd woken up at 0459hrs and, for some reason, I needed to listen to Jump by Van Halen, so I headed downstairs, switched on the lap top and found what I was looking for on You Tube. Perfick! And I followed up with Ian Brown's First World Problems, equally perfick. With a bowl of Alpen, grapes, sliced banana, raspberries and blueberries, not forgetting a cup of tea, I was feeling on top of the world and looking forward to getting out there on the bike. The original plan had been a ride to Woodmansterne Green, but Bon didn't reply so I figured he might have gone out and rode instead (as you know) to the Velo Barn. It was the perfect end to the week, but a week marred by no cycling and loads of hassles with bicycle saddles. Still, it's all sorted now and tomorrow there's the ride to Tatsfield Village to meet the guys.

Round town top cranking...and other stories

I can't believe that I rode for 14.5 miles around local streets yesterday (last Saturday to be precise). I worked out a lap that incorporated the Norfolk Nobbler. Each lap turned out to be almost five miles and I did three. Fortunately, the weather held out. Around 0900hrs I headed out on damp roads and wearing full waterproofs, but the rain had stopped and it didn't start again until I'd finished my ride. I'll be totally honest, it was a really hard ride as I'd thrown in many hills. A true work-out. When I got back I needed a shower and it goes to show you how deceptive things are: I was well and truly whacked on my return, more so than when I finish a ride from, say, the lakes or Westerham, and it's all to do with constantly facing hills on the local rides.

But I went via Beech Farm Road...

Andy and I were feeling a bit gung-ho about everything and had vowed to get out there today, today being the Sunday after last Sunday, rain or shine, but in all honesty, when I woke up around 0500hrs, I peered out of the window and noted the rain hammering down on next door's flat-roofed extension. As I write this (at 0712hrs) I'm guessing it's still hammering down, I'll take a look at the bird bath in a minute, but Andy and I have aborted the ride, the first 'abort' of the whole summer. Very annoying. We're both hoping to get out on local rides, which means I might attempt yesterday's ride, or possibly two laps of it, which equate to 9.82 miles, so all I need to do is ride the length of the Ridgeway and I reckon that'll be 10 miles (8 miles short of what I'd planned for today, unless, of course, things brighten up). Somehow I don't think they will.

Let's go and check that birdbath. Hold on for a second...its a right shit storm out there. The birdbath is frothing with turbulent waters, raindrops are dancing in the puddles, but when I look out front there's nothing but stillness. That said, I still might get out there and do at least two laps. I've got the whole day so I can pick my time. But alas, the rain cavorted in the puddles all day long and now, at 2203hrs it's too late to go anywhere. Instead I sit here watching Michael Palin's Around the World in 80 Days. It's quite amazing when you think that, back then, in 1988, there were no mobile phones and no Internet and it all looks very old-fashioned, not to mention 'terribly British'.

Fucking flytipping bastards...

On Monday I headed for work, but not on the bike. The threat of rain loomed large for the ride back so I decided to take the train instead, a big mistake. It never rained (of course it didn't) and the sun came out and I can't say I was happy about missing the chance of a swift 24-mile ride. So far this week, nothing, not a single mile. Remember, my week starts on a Sunday and yesterday was rained off (see above for details). I've got until Saturday (10 October) to put on some miles. If I can reach 70 I'll be happy. Last week I managed 73 and I'm concerned that the mileage will drop as the weather gets colder and we all slide towards Christmas. I've really got to get out there tomorrow, but let's see what the weather brings.

Having not gone out on Sunday or Monday, I was glad to get out on Tuesday late afternoon. I decided to ride to Westerham, the slow way and it was fine. There was a bit of rain, but it was short-lived and light and didn't have any adverse effects. The ride out was fairly smooth, apart from some fly tippers who had dumped a load of old rubbish, including a door, on the upside of the hill coming out of Westerham. It's very dangerous for cyclists as you come down the hill, not expecting anything, but then suddenly come across it, no warning, and there are, of course, cars coming at you on your side of the road in order to avoid the mess. After dark I'm sure there will be accidents. I rode the slow way, along Beddlestead Lane and when I got to Westerham I loitered for a few moments, took some shots of the bike near St. Mary's Church and in front of Churchill's statue and then headed off up the hill. I took a right turn off of the 269 and rode along Beech Farm Road, turning left into Washpond Lane, right on Ledgers and then left on Church Lane, heading towards Warlingham Sainsbury's. It was a fairly long ride, 23.65 miles in total and I reached home around a 1845hrs, fired up and ready to make a prawn curry, which was delicious, and then I watched Midnight Run with Robert De Niro, a great movie that I'd never seen before. Hit the sack around 2330hrs and woke up around 0500hrs. It's now Wednesday morning, 0744hrs and I've got to start thinking about work. Incidentally, Strava informs me that I'm the local legend on something known as the Rugby Dash, but again, I don't see anybody pointing at me as I pass or taking photographs. "There he is! It's Matt, he's the local legend for the Rugby Dash! Hey, Matt! Can I have your autograph?" Nobody knows me, which is just as well.

St Mary's Church, Westerham

Wednesday afternoon and rather than hit the road on the bike, heading for God knows where, although I had been planning a repeat performance of yesterday's ride to Westerham, I decided instead to slob around and do nothing. I didn't feel like if I'm honest with you and while I kind of considered doing a bit of Round Town Top Cranking, like on Saturday in between rain showers, I didn't and soon the moment had passed and I'd have to regroup myself, think about tomorrow and hope that despondency didn't win again, not that it really won today, I wasn't feeling despondent at all, well, perhaps a bit, but no, I just didn't get out there, end of the story. And now, at 2305hrs I'm writing this and watching the documentary of the Rolling Stones playing in Havana, Cuba, a momentous moment for the Cubans and an exhilarating experience for the band. They're a great band, the Stones. I like all of them in equal measure and hope they continue to rock into the future. I wonder whether they ever thought they'd be still playing?

It's Thursday morning and I slept badly. It might have been that slice of chocolate cake or the fact that I simply ate far too much last night, but either way, I went up around 2330hrs and was still awake around 0330hrs. Not good. I woke up around 0630hrs and I still haven't looked out at the weather, although I'm guessing it'll be raining. Well, according to the iphone there's a chance I'll get a ride in this afternoon if I'm feeling chipper. By rights I should head for Westerham again for another 23-miler, but I'm saying nothing. I don't want to commit to anything and then disappoint myself.

It's now 1312hrs and the sun is out. There was rain earlier, but it might be good for later when I down tools and head out on the bike. The plan is leave as near to 1600hrs as possible and see if I can get some decent miles under my belt.

Well, the plan was faulty, or rather, not adhered to. I never went anywhere other than a very pleasant after dark walk around the block. Sometimes I guess I'm not in the mood and this week, disrupted by last weekend's rain, is one of those weeks and I need to resign myself to the fact. It was a similar story on Friday, although I had to drive into East London so any thoughts of a ride had to be put on hold. For some reason (probably because I was told as much by the weather people) I expected the whole week to be a wash-out. I was amazed to get out there on Tuesday for an evening ride to Westerham, but I did, and there were plenty of opportunties to have jumped on the bike, but I didn't take them and more fool me I guess.

It's now Saturday morning and there appears to be sunshine seeping through the curtains. It's just dawned on me that I could go for a ride and probably should get out there. Choices enter my head: a lonely ride to Botley or Westerham even or a shorter ride to mum's or to see Bon on Woodmansterne Green. Decisions! Decisions! I've just had breakfast: bowl of Alpen, a toasted teacake, a strawberry yoghurt and, of course, a cup of decaff tea and now, with the end of my piss poor cycling week approaching me, I have to decide one way or the other: do I go out there or sit around here feeling sorry for myself?

Postscript: a ride to the Velo Barn

I went out, rode a good 22 miles, the slow way to the Velo Barn. The Velo Barn? It's a new bicycle repair shop and cafe. The weather was fantastic and when I got there I ordered a cappuccino and a slice of lemon cake. After ordering I went outside and basked in the sunshine. The Velo Barn is technically in Westerham, although (equally technically) it's about a mile outside of where Andy and I usually go when we pay a visit to the Northern Kent market town. It took them a while to deliver coffee and cake to my table and I was on the brink of going in to suss out the problem, but then I realised that the place was choc-a-bloc with Lycra monkeys in full kit, loads of them. So I sat back and soon enough it arrived. They'd even stencilled a bike on the froth. The only thing about Velo Barn I didn't like was the fact that it wasn't a bike shop. I was expecting to see a load of bikes for sale, tyres, saddles, you name it, but there was nothing, except for a repair shop. Look, don't get me wrong, it's a great place to go on a bike and cake and hot beverages at the halfway point of any ride take preference over bike stuff. I'm not complaining. So I sat there and enjoyed the whole experience and around 1100hrs I got on the bike and rode home, it took one hour exactly, but only around 15 minutes to reach the Botley roundabout. I soared up the Westerham hill, even beating a Lycra monkey. All-in-all a great ride and I'm glad I did it as it boosted my weekly mileage to around 45 miles. Not brilliant, but good enough for the last ride of my week. My phone was out of power again, so the ride was not recorded on Strava, more's the pity, but then I do own an Apple iphone 5S and it needs replacing.

It's raining, Trump's gone to hospital and I need a haircut...

Donald Trump has been moved to a hospital close to the White House after testing positive for COVID-19. It's said to be a precautionary measure and that Mr President is only suffering from mild symptoms, but he's been seen wearing a mask for the first time and perhaps now he's going to take this thing seriously. Some commentators think he's lying. Documentary film maker Michael Moore, who seems to have it in for any US president who isn't a democrat, believes there's a strong chance that Trump is lying in order to delay the election and remain in power. It's possible, but surely even Trump wouldn't tempt fate and pretend he has a killer disease. The First Lady, Melania, isn't in hospital, although she also tested positive. There's a few people wanting Trump to die and we all know who they are. I don't want him dead. I didn't want Boris to die. Just because I disagree with somebody's politics doesn't mean I want them dead. Wanting people dead seems to be something 'of the left', but not me. Trump is an arse, of course he is, but that doesn't mean I want him dead. The world needs arseholes solely for the purpose of comparison and to know who isn't an arsehole.

We brave much worse than rainwater...

I'm listening to Blues for Allah by the Grateful Dead, in fact I'm going to play it again, it's good background and I like Jerry Garcia, ever since watching that documentary about him, the one produced by Scorsese, is that how you spell his name? I'll check later. The weather's been poor and you might as well know that it's moving towards that time of year when the light has to go in the kitchen in order to make breakfast. In fact, let's face it, that time is now upon us, it's October for heaven's sake and that means looking out the window to see if a puddle is forming on next door's flat-roofed extension. Yesterday it rained all day and I didn't manage a ride. I'm now thinking about braving the rain just to be out there. It's only when it's cold that rain is bad news and besides, I have waterproof trousers somewhere. So far this week I've managed 60 miles. Normally, today, I'd be riding to Westerham or Dunton Green to bump up the mileage. Theoretically, I can still do that - and I might - but the general view based on the weather, is that it's going to rain non-stop throughout the day, and for most of next week too if I believe my iphone. 

Setting out our stuff last week at Tatsfield village bus stop. Pic: Andy Smith

Tomorrow we're due to meet in Tatsfield village, me, Andy and possibly even Phil. We need to change venues from churchyard to village purely because the latter offers us cover from inclement weather. All we have to do now is bite the bullet and get out there and forget about the rain, but it's hard when you gaze out from the warmth of the house and note the puddles and the wet grass and the shiny roads and the stair rods. Still, after a summer of ultra-cycling and feeling a lot better for it, there has to be a way of doing this. I'm considering facing the rain today and riding the Norfolk Nobbler, a six-and-a-half-mile ride with a couple of hills thrown in. It won't be pleasant, but it's not impossible.

It's 0714hrs and a light still burns above my head. I need a haircut. My hair is now getting long and straggly and I'm looking a mess. It hasn't been cut since March and while there are situations where I'd consider just leaving it and looking, dare I say, a bit like Jerry Garcia, I'm at a point where I need to freshen up my look. A feel a number three crop coming on! The plan is to have a haircut today in Oxted. There's a guy coming round to check the boiler in the kitchen. It's old, but it's still going strong, although we've been advised to give it plenty of ventilation. In all honesty, we need a brand new kitchen, but it ain't cheap and nor is a new boiler. The kitchen needs to be done fairly soon as we have a situation where draws don't shut properly, hinges are broken and the whole thing is looking really tired. It's like going back in time when you set foot in the kitchen: the brown, oatmeal tiles, the artexed ceiling, the hopsack work surfaces and the disgusting extraction fan over the sticky old gas hob. It's amazing what people are prepared to put up with, but that's the problem, people put up with things until one day it becomes too much and they start saving up for stuff. I remember once, when we lived in a different house, we had a thing called Operation Kitchen underway. It basically involved saving money and that in turn put us into inferior hotels whenever we went away for the weekend, although we probably cut back on stuff like weekends away in the country until the kitchen was fixed.

The curtains have been drawn back and it's looking pretty grey out there. I haven't checked the birdbath yet for rain drops, but I will in a minute or so. Last week I headed for Woodmansterne Green around this time to see Bon, it was a great day, the sun was shining, I was wearing a tee-shirt and I loved every minute of it. Now, the weather conspires against me and because of the virus there's no other form of exercise. The swimming pools are closed or subject to social distancing measures and all that's left is a walk and these days I'm not doing a great deal of walking, unlike in pre-COVID days when I'd be putting in around 10,000 to 15,000 steps per day. Nowadays, my iphone likes to inform me that I'm not walking as much as I did last year. It's right, I'm not, but I'm cycling much, much more. I'm hoping to keep it up, I've just got to get over the rain thing and get out there.

I guess I'd better start my day. Starting my day means having that haircut. This will be great because it means I can go to Oxted, which is around 10 miles away, and check out the bookstore. I'd planned on cycling there, but I'd be soaked through and I don't want to sit there feeling uncomfortable and making small talk with a barber. In fact, now I am starting to think about it, going to the barber's means the hassle of queuing, or rather sitting, waiting for a haircut and flicking through old copies of GQ. Not that I've been to the barber in Oxted before; I'm only going there because it's not Croydon and hopefully I'll be able to socially distance a bit more. Whatever! By the end of the day I won't be able to sit watching TV whilst twirling my long hair with my fingers and I'll be able to see my ears again. The jury's out on whether my long hair suits me or not. My mum says it does. She believes it's far better than the convict cut I normally have. My daughter was hoping I'd keep it going until Christmas and a part of me thinks I should, but it really is getting to the stage now where I look disparagingly at myself when I pass a mirror and think: 'what a mess'. Who knows? There might be a lot of people in there and I won't feel confident about sitting with loads of diseased people. Perhaps I should get the clippers out and do it myself.

My second helping of the Grateful Dead's Blues for Allah album is drawing to a close, it's time to start my day. Hopefully the next post you read will be about me riding to Tatsfield Village to meet Andy and Phil.

Loving our rides to Tatsfield on Sunday Morning

You might have noticed that I've stopped putting the word 'Lockdown' in front of all my posts. The reason is simple: we're not in lockdown any more. In fact, give or take, I've never been in lockdown. From the get-go I've been riding my bike out into the sticks in what can only be described as amazing weather from the beginning, even in March/April when, traditionally, you might expect rain and cloudy days. Not in 2020 as I'm sure you all know.

At the beginning of lockdown as you also know, I wasn't seeing much of Andy. It made sense to 'socially distance' ourselves, but as we were saying this morning, the whole thing has been over-hyped by the media and is probably nowhere near as bad as it's being made out to be. First, you've got this whole thing about the statistics and the fact that a death is counted as a COVID death even if, say, you were diagnosed as having the virus and then got knocked over by a bus. I mean, how inaccurate the figures must be! And that inaccuracy fuels fear and that gets the media going and it's a vicious circle. I still don't know anybody who has or had the virus and I don't know anybody who knows somebody who's had it either. Perhaps it's all a big lie. Who knows? And who cares? As I say, I've never been locked down. The bike equals freedom to me, I've been riding over 100 miles a week throughout the summer and the minor inconvenience of queuing in the supermarket car park, well, that's all it is, a minor inconvenience.

The Rockhopper at Tatsfield village, Sunday 27 September 2020

As the days have gone by, the restrictions have lessened. People started eating out on the government, pubs have re-opened and now, of course, they're all about to close again as localised restrictions have been applied in certain areas, thanks mainly to the 'covidiots' who have ignored all advice from the beginning (and I include members of the Government itself, namely our idiotic Prime Minister and his odd sidekick Dominic Cummings). Johnson (look, the man's a nob, right?) boasted about shaking hands with COVID sufferers before going down with the disease and nearly killing himself. I'm not sure whether Cummings had it or just thought he had it, but either way we all know what he did: he drove hundreds of miles to the North East of England, with his family, and took the scenic route via Barnard Castle on the return journey; the man's a complete arse.

Anyway, as the summer progressed, Andy and I were getting fitter and fitter. Andy lost two stone and I haven't really weighed myself although, as I said to Andy this morning, I've taken to eating around two to three bowls of Alpen every day, the first one at the crack of dawn (around 0600hrs while listening to Steve Allen on LBC) and then, perhaps, another one mid-morning or just before lunch. I love it and I'm buying a family pack to ensure that I don't run out mid-week. I hasten to add that I'm buying the 'no added sugar' Alpen and not the full-on original.

The riding over the past six months has been fantastic and I'm getting fitter by the day. I know this because I'm finding I have more energy whilst riding. Today, for instance, I rode to Tatsfield Village to meet Andy (Phil was going to come, but said it was too windy; and Geoff, who joins us occasionally and always arrives by car, simply couldn't make it). For the past few weeks, Andy and I have been meeting at the Tatsfield Churchyard, taking full advantage of the amazing weather. As you also know, if you're keeping abreast of my posts. we've been meeting at Tatsfield and not meeting at the green and riding together. I think we would both agree that this is far the better option as we get the time to ride at our own pace. I've noticed - and this goes back to my point about increasing fitness - that I'm getting to Tatsfield within around 40 minutes and my ride there is much faster than it used to be; I'm finding hills easier to tackle, especially the incline on the 269 just beyond Ledgers Road. In fact, talking of being able to ride segments of road faster than ever before, Strava tells me that I'm a local legend on the stretch between Sanderstead Waitrose and Mitchley Road or Avenue or whatever it's called. A local legend! What the hell does that mean? Not much, I'm guessing, as I've yet to see people pointing at me or asking for my autograph or reaching for their mobile phones to take a shot of me. But still, I'm a local legend.

So getting on to our Sunday rides, they're absolutely fantastic. Today and last week we rode to the Tatsfield Village. Why? Well, last week it was because we wanted to check out the tearoom that we thought would be open. I was hoping we could go in there and sit around drinking tea and munching biscuits, but no, it didn't officially open until 0900hrs as, again, I have mentioned in a previous post. Fortunately for us there was a coffee machine, and by 'us' I mean Andy, myself and Phil who joined us. Phil was on his restored Honda CB750 and when we departed he promised to be there this week, but bailed out at the last minute because of the high winds. Geoff never made it either. Today, then, it was just Andy and I and we diverted from the planned ride to the churchyard because I'd ran out of tea and thought I'd buy some at the shop (which doubles as a teashop after 0900hrs). But of course, you all know that because I've already told you.

I really look forward to the Sunday rides, mainly because it means conversation. A lot of my mid-week rides are solitary (in fact, all of them are) so it's nice to be able to chat to somebody before riding home, although on the solitary rides there's no time to chat or do anything before the return ride because there is no 'return ride', it's all one continuous loop. There were times during the summer when I reserved Saturday for a longer ride, to the lakes or to Dunton Green or Redhill, and these rides would involve a stop somewhere, like on the green in front of the pub facing the lake in Chipstead village in Kent, or in Bojangles at Dunton Green (see previous posts) or, if I'd riden to Westerham, I'd stop on the green (in the days before the caffs were open) and take my time sipping a mint tea while watching cars and bikes and people as they passed by on the A25.

Something else I've been really enjoying is the commute to work in Redhill during the week during the week I'm supposed to be in the office. I had no intention of contributing to the economy as Boris was insisting so I rode in three times - Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - and while it was fairly exhausting on the return ride (White Hill Lane and Tithepit Shaw Lane or Road or whatever it's called) it was exhilarating in the extreme, even if I did find myself in bed around 2130hrs. Mind you, getting up at 0530hrs was a bit of an ordeal, although I managed it without too much fuss, packed everything into a rucksack and headed for the office at 0630. It takes one hour and 10 minutes and then I have a shower and start work. You can't beat it, or rather it was unbeatable while the sun was shining, but now the weather has turned and we're in to 'autumnal' conditions (think wind, rain and colder temperatures) it's a case of getting out the waterproof trousers and finding a waterproof jacket and some gloves or simply not bothering and spending money on the train instead. I want to bother, though, because I don't particularly want to give any of my hard-earned money to the Government in the form of extortionate train fares. Alright, I buy a beef and horseradish sandwich in the supermarket for a meagre £2.25, but that's my limit.

On the week when I'm heading into Redhill on the bike, my mileage goes through the roof. I'm well over 80 miles when I reach home on the Wednesday night and then it's a case of motivating myself to do a long ride on Saturday morning to knock my total over 90 miles. I'm happy if I ride around 85 miles, so anything over that is a bonus. This week I think I managed something like 83 miles. I rode to Redhill twice last week (on Monday and Tuesday) and on Tuesday I took the Sustrans route home, bumping up the mileage from 24 to 31 miles. See the previous post if you want to read about Sustrans Route 21, which was the route I took, but I doubt I'll do that again on a ride home from work. It doubled the ride time from just over one hour to just over two hours. In fact, this week has been piss poor. Since returning from Redhill on Tuesday night I didn't ride again until yesterday when I met Bon at Woodmansterne Green (roughly 10 miles). As I say, I rode around 83 miles this week, mainly because I didn't ride on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, which is a bit of a shame.

Another part of my conversation with Andy this morning was all about how far we ride during the week. Andy has been doing short rides of around 10 miles and sticking close to the house in case of bike problems. I've been riding further (between 12 and 18 miles). However, should a problem arise for Andy, he walks home with ease. If anything happens to me while on Washpond Lane, the walk home would take a long time, possibly an hour or more. Andy's shorter close-to-home excursions, compared to my rides into the sticks, have their own merits. A daily 10-mile ride soon accumulates, add on the Sunday ride to Tatsfield and you're starting to look at around 65/66 miles, throw in a ride to the lakes and you're weekly total is getting close to 100 miles. Now that the weather is closing in I might start following Andy's model of short, close-to-home rides during the week, a longer ride on Saturday morning and then, of course, the great ride to Tatsfield to meet Andy and possibly Phil and Geoff on Sunday.

On today's ride to Tatsfield I had a few issues, the main one being no tea. It meant buying some in Tatsfield so I texted Andy to say meet there and not the churchyard. I didn't have a mask on, but the guy in the store said it was fine if I kept my distance, which I did. Tea purchased I waited for Andy to arrive. It was a blustery and grey day, but I can't say I noticed it, I was more interested in being out there in the fresh air, powering (yes, powering) along the 269 heading for Botley Hill as the branches of trees and bushes on either side of me swayed to and and fro. It wasn't that cold, certainly not cold enough to wear gloves, but I'd started to think about preparing for the winter weather. In fact, I need to find my balaclava and my gloves and I might have to start wearing the rusty-coloured old jacket hanging in the wardrobe. It's old and torn and makes me look like a tramp and it goes with my long, straggly, unkempt hair that hasn't been cut since before the lockdown. Could I let it grow until the end of the year? Well, only if there are no business trips.

We headed for home and once again I joined Andy to ride along The Ridge and into Woldingham, something I wouldn't have done pre-lockdown. I was fit enough now to take Slines Oak Road in my stride, thanks to hills like White Hill Lane and Tithepit Shaw Lane. We parted company at the top of Slines Oak Road and vowed to meet again next Sunday. I reached home around 1000hrs and got on with the rest of my day.