Diamond Jubilee...I've got to go and it's raining

I would have gone out for a ride this morning if I'd had time yesterday to fix the puncture. I went to Halfords, bought the leeches and then went out for the whole day, returning around 10pm, so I simply didn't have time. Andy's back from the Lake District so hopefully we'll be out tomorrow and Tuesday.

Don't count on any of our current rock stars to rock the boats.

Just for the record, it's Diamond Jubilee Weekend (day two) and guess what? We've got tickets for the celebrations in Battersea Park. I know, I'm not a Royalist, but I've kind of got to go. The mother-in-law got the tickets and I've gone and committed myself. It's going to mean standing around with a load of pro-monarchy types (you know the sort: they camp out all night and wave plastic Union Jacks at passing Royals) in the annoying drizzle, just watching the Thames and feigning interest and excitement. "Ooh! Look! It's a boat!" And then, at some stage, coming home, on the train, with the rest of the crowd.

Still, it's got to be done! Well, no it hasn't, but I'm going to have to grin and bear it. Staying at home alone would be better: if the weather clears, I could nip out for a ride on the bike, possibly stop off at a local pub, enjoy a pint and then cycle home, have something to eat, watch a bit of TV...but no, I've got to go out in the rain, catch a train and then spend the day looking at the Thames.

I've been watching a bit of the coverage on BBC Breakfast and there was what's her name, Louise Minchin, umbrella over her head in the drizzly greyness of London, pointing out a few ordinary-looking boats that are just about visible on the equally grey Thames. Big it up as much you like, it's going to be very drab, very grey and very,very boring – not to mention very, very, VERY WET!

Light up the night sky...with a cycle jacket

...and here it is in action.

The London Evening Standard's motoring correspondent writes in tonight's paper about the Visijax, a rainproof, 'breathable' jacket made of high-visibility material that lights up at the press of a button. In fact, the phrase 'lights up' was mine. David Williams writes 'lights up like a Christmas tree', which is completely different. The jacket has flashing LED lights front and back and these, says Williams, are mounted so as to 'avoid obliteration' by a backpack.

During the day, the Visijax acts like a normal cycle jacket, but at night it literally comes to life. It's practical too – it has a pocket – and it costs a reasonably respectable £149. For further details, click here.

Halfords profits plunge

A report in the London Evening Standard today (31 May 2012) states that Halfords – which sells one in four bikes sold in the UK – has had a very disappointing start to the year. The high street retailer of bikes and camping equipment saw it's profits plunge by 27% and shares slide 24.5p to 251.4p.

Halfords: the saviour of NoVisibleLyra on many occasions has experienced
a few financial problems, which CEO David Wild believes will pass.

Following the wettest April on record, writes Russell Lynch, the company is hoping that sales will pick up. According to Halfords CEO David Wild, the fact that the 'blip' involved sales of outdoor goods, such as bikes and camping equipment, means the problem should be short-term rather than long haul.

For the year to March, Halfords posted £92.2 million in pre-tax profits, down from £125.6 million last year.

Lynch explained that car maintenance products were down 4.5% as motorists drove fewer miles. Cold weather products, such as de-icer, screen wash and batteries were also down due to generally warmer weather conditions.

Halfords' big seller on the bike front is the Apollo, which sells for £100.

Helen Pidd on the Pilen Sport

The big question is why? Why has Helen Pidd moved from Berlin to Hackney? Personally, I'd have stayed in Berlin. What a great city! Surely a million times better than (ahem) Hackney. Still, each to their own and I'm sure she has her reasons.

Helen's writing in the Guardian's Weekend Magazine (26 May 2012 edition) and this time she's reviewing a Swedish bike, the Pilen. It costs £995 and is made of an 'indestructible' Chromium-molybdenum, not stainless steel.

The bloke's version of the Pilen Sport. I'd love to test ride this bike.

Pidd quite rightly points out that 'it's always dangerous to advertise something as indestructible'. The Pilen, however, is a handmade bike that's supposed to last forever. One of Helen's friends, we are told, managed to snap a Le Creuset while making a moussaka (God! she must be posh, Helen's friend. I can't afford Le Creuset cookware) proving that there's always somebody around to disprove the indestructibility of anything. Good point. But can Helen succeed in destroying the Pilen?

Well, she left it out in the rain (sinful!). She abused the paintwork (bikes have rights too, you know, Helen) and she dares to admit that she treats her partner better than her bike! She even confesses that her bike has never slept in her bedroom and that she treats her bikes like workhouses, not ornaments, but secretly enjoys cleaning them.

The Pilen sounds like a great bike: expensive steel frame, zero-maintenance brakes, an Abus rear-wheel lock, a dynamo instead of battery-powered lights (now that would do me fine) and mudguards (ooh! a luxury!).

It all sounds great but Helen's not happy. Perhaps, she suggests, a Swedish bike is for Swedish terrain in the same way that a Sarah Lund sweater (who? what?) looks better in Copenhagen than Croydon. Well, at least NoVisibleLycra's hometown gets a name-check! Yes, we're based in sunny Croydon. It's not that bad, but Copenhagen's probably a little better.

Mind you, if I lived in one-bedroom flat like Helen, I too would not like to hump an 18.1kg bike up two flights of stairs. I too wouldn't fancy leaving it outside either – it might be indestructible, but that doesn't mean it's thief-proof.

I liked the sound of it. An indestructible bike with unscratchable paint and a Brooks saddle. Helen describes the bike as 'Scandy' and it probably is (I'd love to ride the bloke's version, see above). Mind you, if I bought a bike that I thought was made in Sweden and discovered that the forks were made in Taiwan, I  too would be a little pissed off...but not for long.

For more details on Pilen bikes, click here.

For Helen Pidd's article, click here.

In addition to writing regularly for The Guardian Weekend, Helen Pidd is also the author of Bicycle. For a copy, visit the Guardian Bookshop webpage by clicking here.

Separated at birth?

ET.

Christine Lagarde.

Loads of gardening, but no cycling

My dad used to love gardening. When I lived at home, he tried to encourage me to like it too. In fact, throughout his life he tried to get me into gardening, but he never really succeeded. I used to tease him about it and say things like 'gardening is futile'. Why? he would ask and I'd say something like, well, you weed the beds and you mow the grass, but those weeds just keep coming back. There's an element of King Canute about it, I would say and he would, of course, dismiss my thoughts.

I always talk about keeping fit. Don't get me wrong. I'm not some kind of fitness nut. I don't visit the gym or anything inane like that, but I do like cycling. And walking. But dad would always look out onto this garden or mine, depending on where we were whenever we had the conversation, and he would say: "There's your gym. Out there." He would point at the garden and I would get his drift, but still not really believe him. Gardening, I figured, was just too boring. But then so, of course, is 'keeping fit'. Unless you're riding a bike. And by that I mean a proper bike, not an 'exercise bike' or a 'stationary bike'.

Serena on a freshly mown lawn yesterday (Saturday) afternoon.

Me on a rug about to enjoy some tea.

This weekend, however, I'm beginning to see what he meant about the garden being a kind of green gym. I was out there all weekend, mowing the lawns front and back and cutting back a helluva lot of brambles at the back of the rear garden; and then I started bagging it all up, cutting it first, then shoving it into bags. I filled six of them and there's still another two out there waiting to be packed away. Then, after that, I started turning over a bed near to the house, digging out a few weeds and pulling some roots.

Last night I slept like a log. It was that strange but amazingly enjoyable tiredness that comes from being out in the air all day. A bit like after a long ride. And then, today, some more gardening.

Right now I'm sitting in front of the television, writing this and watching The Road. I've read the book and it's one of those movies where, if you've read the book, there's no point in seeing the movie other than to work out whether it's captured the mood of the book or not. I think the answer is yes, it has captured the mood, because the mood of the book was bleak and the film is bleak too. Although not as bleak as the BAFTAs, which were on BBC 1. What a load of old rubbish. Television comedy that's just not funny, actors wheeled out to say something funny that's on the autocue, but hardly raising a laugh and awards recipients I've never, ever heard of – apart from Rolf Harris. And then, after Rolf, they did a brief run-down of other awards presented, they rushed through them, but they turned out to be the interesting ones. So I switched over and watched The Road – far more light-hearted.

The Road is depressing and I should really go to bed, but I've got to stay up, even though I know how it all ends. Don't worry, it ends on a hopeful note, but I won't spoil it for anybody.

I was going to go for a ride today (Sunday) but I hadn't gotten round to fixing that puncture. The bike's still out there with a flat rear tyre, but I feel as if I've had all the exercise I need.

Chopper inventor dies

Alan Oakley, the man who invented the Raleigh Chopper bicycle, has died aged 85.  Click here for more.

The original Choppers, like this one, had the gear changer on the crossbar.