To Westerham for Mary Berry's Christmas cake...

It's been discussed and now it's become reality. Mary Berry's Christmas cake, made by Phil, has made it on the ride. It was fantastic.

We met on Warlingham Green at 0700hrs, waited a few minutes for Andy and then, heads down, we set our sights on a 22-mile round trip to Westerham, knowing full well that when we got there, we'd be eating cake.

Happiness is a huge slab of cake: Matt, Andy and Phil (LtoR).

We parked our bikes, took our seats and tucked in and Andy had the audacity to bring biscuits too.

Great weather characterised the ride. Cloudy but warm and bright and later sunshine.

But Mary Berry's Christmas cake won the day and we all enjoyed what can only be described as 'chunks' or 'slabs' of the cake.

We arrived at Westerham at 0750hrs and were getting a few strange looks from passers-by as we made ourselves comfortable at the wooden tables behind the statue of General Wolfe. People were quite clearly envious of the cake, the biscuits and the hot tea that we were enjoying.

I struck up a conversation with a Lycra monkey from Tunbridge Wells. He didn't look as if he ate cake. Quite the contrary, he was lithe and Lycra-clad and was putting in a good 67km, he said, before breakfast. I pointed to our mountain bikes with their fat tyres and clumsy demeanour and said we'd be tackling Westerham Hill later, but he spied the cake on the table and I don't think he took me seriously.

Around 0830hrs we headed out of town and up the hill, stopping halfway along the 269 to say goodbye to Andy. It takes me just under one hour to ride from Westerham back to South Croydon, not bad considering the hills.

I reached home around 0930hrs and then drove to Felpham for a long walk on the beach.

To Botley Hill alone and later than usual because of the rain...

Early rain put paid to any chance of getting out for an early morning ride. Had the weather been nicer I would have hoofed it down to Westerham but, as promised by the weather forecasters, it was grey, rainy and stormy. I kept looking out and watching the birdbath, looking for splashes of rain (and finding them). But, by 0930hrs, it began to brighten up, the skies cleared and the sun poked its head out from behind the clouds.

Over the road from the Botley Hill Farmhouse...

While it was tempting to simply say that time had passed and the moment had gone, it hadn't gone anywhere and by 1010hrs I was out of the house and riding up Ellenbridge Road towards the usual places: Elmfield Way, Morley Road and Church Way where, because of the late hour, I couldn't break the law – for all of 30 yards. Normally, at the earlier hour of 0630hrs I can ride this short stretch of one-way street without any hassles, but at 1000hrs there are more cars on the road, forcing me to ride around the traffic island. It's a matter of seconds, but there's nowt better than a bit of law-breaking even if it is just riding the wrong way along a one-way street.

The weather was amazing. The skies were full of steamy clouds, it was warm and there was a wonderful freshness in the air. I rode up the Limpsfield Road towards the green and sailed past it in the usual fashion, heading towards Sainsbury's and the Amana coffee shop, a former pub. Then it was Knight's Garden Centre and out into the wilds of the 269, the banks on either side overgrown with summer greenery.

There were more Lycra monkeys on the road than usual, but it was much later than usual so I wasn't complaining. There was also more traffic and more pedestrians. All-in-all everything was much busier than normal, which meant I had to be extra careful.

At the entrance to the Botley Hill Farmhouse pub...

By the time I'd cleared the incline that I normally moan about, the weather was fantastic, the air so fresh, the sky clearing by the second, the heat and humidity building by the second. But I couldn't go any further than Botley, although the temptation to ride to Westerham was strong. I rode to the Botley roundabout and turned around, heading back towards the pub and then back towards home.

The weather simply got better and better. The sun shone brightly all day, I mowed the lawns front and back and went to see mum. We sat in the garden and it was just wonderful. Right now it's dark outside and while more thunder storms are promised, so far there hasn't been a sound. I'm hoping all will be fine for a ride tomorrow especially after Phil's text a few minutes ago. The Mary Berry Christmas cake is in the oven...

Rain and thunder...

I've started reading The Road Headed West, by Leon McCarron, who cycled across America in 2010. I'm almost halfway through it and it's very good. Similar to Rob Lilwall's Cycling Home from Siberia and well worth a read if you like cycling and travelling. Billed as 'a cycling adventure through North America', the book details Leon's ride from New York on the East Coast of America to Seattle in the West, although, looking at the map at the front of the book (all good travel books have maps in the front) he rides south along the Pacific coast towards Mexico.

Leon McCarron – he's written a great cycling book.

The reason I'm sitting here writing about Leon's excellent book is because of the rain. I know that Leon wouldn't worry about such things, but then he was attempting to get from A to B in a foreign country, whereas I'm just going out for the sake of a bit of exercise and the rain ain't pleasant when you're planning a shortish ride (say 15 miles) so I'm sitting in my conservatory instead, hoping that tomorrow will bring the good weather or that things will brighten up and I can go out today. Unfortunately, neither Andy nor Phil are riding today, so the motivation isn't there either.

It's stopped raining now, but it could just as easily start again. The skies are grey and we've been promised a thundery, stormy sort of day, so I'll probably not ride out today and besides, the momentum has been lost and there are things to do, as always, although never say never; I might well get out there around 10am, not sure.

I hate days like this and in many ways I would rather be in Leon's position. He'd either be riding through the rain or taking cover somewhere in a ditch or hedge until the weather blows over. But then, as I said, he's moving from A to B, from the East to the West coast of the USA. I'm simply considering a ride to Botley Hill and back, although, if you remember my last post, I was out in the rain, taking shelter for a few minutes and then heading for Westerham – a true adventurer! But not this weekend...not yet!

Harris – somebody should have tied his kangaroo

down, sport.

The weather has been excellent: hot sunshine all week, thunder and lightening at night and humidity, you get the picture. But, here we are: Saturday morning and there's grey skies and rain. I figure that things can only better.

In the news? Russian-backed separatists in the Ukraine have shot down a Malaysian Airlines commercial jet carrying 295 innocent people. One word: bastards! In other news, the Israelis are killing Palestinians. Bastards! Hamas is firing rockets into Israel indiscriminately. Bastards! Oddly, we've not heard anything from Isis of late or any news of the West going in there to sort them out with their new pals, the Iranians. You know what? I was thinking about Tony Blair the other day and that thing about him being appointed peace envoy for the Middle East. I can't recall whether or not he was actually appointed, but when you think about it, if he was appointed, it's similar to putting Rolf Harris in charge of child welfare or allowing Harold Shipman to head up the campaign for assisted dying.

There's so much more to look forward to: British politicians and paedophilia – that's yet to kick off. There are certainly big suspicions and stories of a cover-up by the police, so expect more 'breaking news' in that department, just as soon as they've sorted out who their dead scapegoats ought to be. And talking of dead scapegoats, this literally just in... they've found one – the late Viscount Tonypandy!

Blair – he's still at large.

What always amazes me is that, for years, we've all had it drummed into us that we, the British, are an example to the rest of the world – the only nation that does things in the right and proper manner. We watch on scornfully (and a little smugly) as other countries' political leaders mess up and get involved in scandals of one sort or another, or are discovered to be corrupt. We look on in horror as the military atrocities of other nations (the Serbians, for example) unfold on our television screens and we all sit back and thank our lucky stars that we are British and the British do things properly. You won't find British newspapers doing anything underhand, like hacking the mobile phone of a murdered schoolgirl. You won't catch our politicians fiddling their expenses. And our 'national treasures' are just that – you certainly won't catch them abusing children... and likewise our politicians, they're the best in the world, they're setting an example for others to follow. I mean, look at the late Cyril Smith, he was an example to us all! And as for our military, well, they're squeaky clean too, they're not going to ill-treat their prisoners of war. And our governments aren't going to get engaged in 'illegal' wars, are they?

However, slowly but surely we discover that yes, they are just as bad as everybody else – and always have been – and will do their level best to cover up their misdemeanours until somebody blows the whistle on them.

Hague and Jolie: Just make war illegal and call it a day.

And what's all this about 'illegal' wars? How can a war be 'illegal'? When Hitler walked into Poland did somebody in a grey suit holding a clipboard approach him and say, "I'm sorry Mr Hitler, you can't do that, it's against the law." Perhaps they did, but he didn't take any notice and that's how wars start, when somebody does something that another country isn't happy about, ie invade them. That term 'illegal' really annoys me. So the Russian separatists committed an 'illegal' act by blowing up the Malaysian airliner. Of course they did, but who's going to appear in court next week? Nobody, because its a war situation. And what about Angelina Jolie and William Hague going around saying they're going to make it illegal to rape somebody in the theatre of war? Does that mean that, at present, it's legal to rape somebody in a war situation? If so, shouldn't 'rape tourism' be rife in war zones? Surely Hague and Jolie would be better off cutting out the middle man (in this case rape) and saying it's illegal to kill or injure anybody in war, making war totally pointless. And then, after the 'law' has been passed – assuming it's a universal  law recognised by all – the leaders of nations at war will have to make do with a huge snakes and ladders board that they can unravel on some lonely battlefield in Switzerland (it would have to be a neutral country) and resolve their disputes with a set of dice and a few coloured counters. And if they weaken and starting fighting – which would be illegal, don't forget – they'll be electronically tagged and told to stay in after 8pm or face the consequences – 150 hours community service or a short spell in an open prison in West Sussex where they can escape and rob a post office.

Putin: not to be trusted

Sometimes I find myself getting very angry at all that is going on. And the reason is quite simple: it's knowing that nothing is going to be done about any of it. It's not so much a case of 'we're all in it together', it's more a case of 'they are all in it together'. The West is pussyfooting around Putin and not really responding to the man's atrocious behaviour; it's the same with Isis – nobody's going to do anything and we've just heard that they're giving the people of Mosul an ultimatum: convert to Islam, pay a special tax or die. Saddam Hussein, as bad as he was, at least maintained order between the various warring factions in Iraq. Now, thanks to Bush and Blair (who are still at large, by the way) he's gone – and our troops have pulled out – and the nutters are free to take over and that's just what is happening. I find it odd that nobody appears to be doing anything about it. Similarly Afghanistan. Once US and British troops are out of the country, the nutters will take charge again and it will all have been a complete waste of time and money – a terrible insult to all those servicemen and women who have died fighting 'for Queen and Country'.

I know it sounds a little corny 'in this day and age' but all I want is for everybody to live in peace and harmony. The root of the problem, of course, is religion. How pathetic. When will people learn? We're all the same, there's no life after death, no God, no devil, no nothing. We're all going to die. Get over it.

Westerham alone and in the rain...

Up with the lark this morning. Well, not with the lark, I wasn't sleeping in an aviary, for heaven's sake. I was conscious at around 0540hrs and then, when the alarm went off at 0600hrs I was ready to jump out of bed and head downstairs for some tea, a banana and Weetabix with cold milk (I slice the banana, sprinkle it over the Weetbix and then add milk and sugar). Then, at around 0630hrs, having gazed out of the window to check the weather (and finding it was not raining) I retrieved the bike from the garage and headed for the green to meet Andy.

Sheltering from the rain Sunday morning outside Waitrose around

0645hrs – at this stage I was only planning to reach Warlingham Green

But the weather was going to let me down, I could feel it. Outside there were grey skies. All was downcast and it was threatening rain. It was fine as I weaved my way around the suburban streets of South Croydon: up Ellenbridge, up Elmfield Way, across Morley and up Church Way but then, as I made my way along Sanderstead High Street (which, incidentally, is a long way from Sanderstead railway station) the rain started to drizzle down. Andy sent me a text saying it was raining. He'd only just left his house, but I'd been out for a good 15 minutes and, once you're out in it, you feel slightly different about it. Fortunately, I found shelter at the Waitrose in Sanderstead where I hoped the bad weather would blow over.

Andy aborted and Phil was in the Cotswolds so I sat on a bench and watched the rain for all of ten minutes before it stopped and I resumed my ride. I'd decided to head for Warlingham Green, have my tea and then head back, but as I sped along the Limpsfield Road I decided to go further: Botley Hill, perhaps, or even the Tatsfield Bus Stop where I could stop and have tea before embarking upon the return journey.

I didn't have to wait more than 10 minutes before resuming the ride...

The weather seemed fine. A little grey, perhaps, with plenty of puddles in the road, but the rain was virtually non-existent as I sailed past Warlingham Green and headed towards Sainsbury's and Knight's Garden Centre. It was either Botley or the bus stop, I thought.

Fortunately I was wearing swimming trunks. Not 'budgie smugglers' but 'shorts' that I'd bought in the USA, probably somewhere like San Antonio, I can't remember, but they were more akin to the shorts worn by boxers than swimmers. Anyway, trunks they were so if they got a little wet it kind of didn't matter so I continued on, past Botley, past the Tatsfield Bus Stop and down the hill towards Westerham. Low cloud hung over the woods below me and the spray from my tyres provided an impromptu shower as I headed down the hill, crossing the Surrey/Kent border and then hitting Westerham proper where a 30mph speed limit sign announced that I'd arrived in the town. I felt good about the fact that I hadn't aborted and that, rather than call it a day at Warlingham Green I'd continued on past the Botley Hill Farmhouse, past the Tatsfield Bus Stop and past the entrance to the Tatsfield Churchyard and on towards Westerham. The ride turned into a good 22-mile work-out.

It was a bit like being on a non-stop train that was passing through empty stations en route to its final destination and in that sense it reminded me of my childhood. When I was a kid I used to pretend that my bike (the old Moulton Mini) was a train. I invented stations along the streets surrounding where I lived. One was called Plumbury because of a Victoria plum tree, the fruit of which hung over a fence. Then there was 'Wanash Gardens'. We lived in a cul-de-sac (my mum still lives there) and Wanash Gardens, while, in reality, the name of a dreary block of flats on the Carshalton Road (which is also still there today) it was the name I gave to a semi-circular chunk of our cul-de-sac. These memories flooded back to me as I rode down the hill into Westerham.

Churchill's statue in Westerham

There was a moment of panic when, for a moment, I thought I was going to fall off the bike. Somehow, my swimming trunks had become entangled in the saddle and I knew that if I stopped the bike I would simply keel over to the left or right and hit the tarmac. This was mildly worrying as I had nothing on underneath the trunks and I suddenly realised that, to untangle myself, I might have to somehow wiggle out of the shorts and then, while stark bollock naked from the waist down (bar socks and trainers) – and certainly while lying on my back with the bike on top of me – I'd have to disentangle the trunks before putting them back on. How humiliating would that be? Very!

Fortunately none of the above happened and I cycled into Westerham fully clothed and without any cause for embarassment, and found myself on the green. The benches were wet, the skies were still grey and it could have rained at any moment, but it didn't. Time for tea... except that when I opened my rucksack I discovered that I hadn't packed my cup or teabags. All I had was a flask of hot water and some milk. Luckily I only disappointed myself. Phil and Andy would have been a little pissed off as tea and cookies are the highlight of our rides. And judging by the way we've been talking of late, it looks as if future rides will be taking on a culinary twist. Yesterday Phil said he was planning to make Mary Berry's Christmas cake – including the icing! I've discussed making a corned beef pie as Phil wants to compare his mum's recipe with mine, and we've even talked about bringing a white tablecloth and a bottle of wine to make a real feast of it all – along with bread pudding for dessert and some Ambrosia Devon Cream custard. We'll see how things go on that front.

Back to the present and, dejected, I resolved to simply ride back home. I sent Andy a text and a photo of yours truly in front of Churchill's statue – with a certain smugness, having reached Westerham alone despite the rain – and then I climbed back on the bike and headed out of town. There was no more rain. In fact it got a little brighter as I headed up the hill, past the churchyard, past the bus stop and past Botley Hill and then back along the 269, into Warlingham, through Hamsey and home.

Saturday 12th July 2014

On Saturday we rode the long way to the Tatsfield Bus Stop, our first ride with Andy since he returned from the Canary Islands. Last week our cycling was rained off so it was good to get out on the bike. Going the slow way to the bus stop enabled us to chat about this and that (cakes, Lance Armstrong, Phil's new wheel) and when we reached our destination we enjoyed biscuits (quite a lot of biscuits) and tea before heading back the fast way and parting company with Andy at Warlingham Green – when Andy rides his racer, as he did on Saturday, he never takes the short cut across the fields halfway along the 269. Phil and I headed down the Limpsfield Road, through Hamsey and along Sanderstead High Street. The weather, incidentally, was wonderful: beautiful sunshine that remained all day. We rode down Church Way and home where Phil announced that he had a puncture. A good place to get a puncture, when you reach home, I thought as I unlocked my garage door and padlocked my bike.

Waiting at Warlingham Green for Andy on Saturday morning, but without any 

money to visit that Coughlans Bakery for a mug of tea and a bun. Oh dear.

With such beautiful weather I made my way to the back garden where I enjoyed a cup of tea while reading another, yes another, Bill Bryson book; this time, Made in America. On Friday I finished Down Under.

All in all a good weekend of cycling: 22 miles today and around 16 miles yesterday, so, that's almost 40 miles. Good work!

In the news, the Netherlands beat Brazil 3-0! Last week the Germans beat Brazil 7-1! Today is the final between Germany and Argentina. I'm rooting for the Germans, who I think will win.

Employers can't ignore bicycles, says Slingsby...

Workplace equipment supplier Slingsby is predicting that large numbers of employers could have to make provisions for a surge in cyclists arriving at work every day after the Tour de France’s Grand Départ in the UK over the weekend.

One of Slingsby's many styles of  bike storage unit

Approximately 500,000 people have taken advantage of the Government’s ‘Cycle to Work’ scheme, which enables employees to save money on bikes and safety accessories by making them completely tax-deductible.

Lee Wright, Slingsby's marketing director, said that since the Cycle to Work scheme was launched in 1999 orders for cycle storage equipment has grown prompting the company to expand its product range.
 
The Cycle to Work Scheme
For further information click here. 

Rain stops play (but not Wimbledon)

I've never been a fan of Wimbledon. Well, that's not strictly true. Wimbledon, as in the place in South London, is alright, there are some nice restaurants, there's Wimbledon Common (who can forget the Wombles?) and their used to be a decent football team with, if I recall, Vinny Jones in the line-up; they used to play at Plough Lane, which doesn't seem to be there any more.

Whoever he is, he needs a slap

No, I'm talking about 'Wimbledon' or, to be more precise, the rather snooty All England Lawn Tennis Club and its annual bun fight, otherwise known as 'the Championships'. I hate it. In fact, given half the chance, I'd rather sit through an episode of Doctor Who (click here for more details).

Yesterday was the women's final and what a complete load of boring old rubbish it was too. For a start it only lasted 55 minutes – although that's a blessing in disguise, believe me, as I can't stand it when it becomes obvious that, in the women's game, a third set has to be played before anybody can be crowned the winner and we can all go home (or simply switch off the television). It's even worse in the men's when it drifts towards being a 'five-setter'. Alright, I know I have the choice as there's always the 'off button', but you get my drift.

There was a time when tennis was full of personalities and the sun always seemed to shine, back in the late seventies and eighties when Borg, McEnroe, Nastase and Connors ruled the courts, when it was fun to watch and you could be guaranteed a decent match instead of the equivalent of a 0-0 draw in football (for more on the beautiful game, click here). Remember McEnroe insulting the referee and all that 'you can't be serious' stuff? Nastase being told to 'play on'?

The women's game has always been boring, even in the seventies and eighties, and full of boring personalities: Rosie Casals (men's legs and Y-fronts) Virginia Wade (not my cup of tea) Navratilova (rather boringly, she went through a phase of always winning, a bit like Schumacher in Formula One) and Billie Jean King (enough said). There's nothing worse than the same person winning year-in, year-out. Look at the Williams sisters: a few years ago, one of them was always in the final – on one occasion they were both in the final – very boring and very predictable.

Why aren't there any tennis hooligans? That would liven things up. A bunch of bare-chested, tattooed lager louts with beer guts chanting 'you're gonna get your fuckin' 'ead kicked in!' Why can't we have court invasions and rival supporters goading one another on the way to the match? Imagine if the players were unruly: Djokovic jumping the net and biting his opponent on the shoulder, perhaps, or Kung-Fu kicking a spectator like that French bloke from Manchester United.

That, of course, is the main problem with Wimbledon: it's horribly genteel, middle class and elitist with 'safe' television presenters like Sue Barker in her 'egg shell blue' suit purchased, no doubt, from some trendy, but boring, boutique for 'the older woman' in Barnes. You never get the feeling that it's all about to kick off because, quite simply, it isn't. The spectators are safe and boring too: they either read the Daily Mail or the Daily Telegraph and live in the Home Counties or they're horribly affluent-looking Europeans who, basically, need a good slap once in a while. I can't stand it when the camera picks out a player's coaching team, sitting there in Ray Bans and expensive sportswear looking concerned at the way the match might be going.

And don't you hate it when the camera scans the spectators in search of 'a celebrity' and then, on spying one, hovers for a while so we can all catch a glimpse of, I don't know, Sir Terry bloody Wogan, sitting there self-consciously in expensive-looking sunglasses and whispering to an equally affluent companion. And everyone at home is wondering, "Ooh! Who is it? Is it his wife? Is it his daughter?" Don't worry, Sir Terry doesn't fool around and nor does anybody at Wimbledon – apart from Boris Becker in that broom cupboard.

Well, it's nearly over, thank the Lord. Today Federer plays Djokovic. Federer's already won it God knows how many times, but he keeps coming back for more and everyone claps politely when he emerges on Centre Court as if he's an old friend of the family. If he wins today, incidentally, he would have won it eight times. How boring is that? There should be a rule stating that once you've won it three times you can't play at Wimbledon anymore – other than in the ultra-boring mixed doubles.

And today, of course, if it rains they simply switch on the roof and hey presto! Play can continue. Why can't they rip that roof off its hinges and get back to the good old days of 'rain stops play' – cue shots of people sheltering under umbrellas and the covers going over centre court while the All England club's referee looks up at grey skies unable to second guess God's next move and God's just sitting there on his Lazy Boy with a can of Stella saying "Job done, my son!"

I've never liked Wimbledon (or any spectator sport for that matter) and never will and I'm a piss-poor tennis player too. In fact, I'm absolutely pants at it. If you play tennis with me you'll spend more time retrieving the balls than playing the game.

You know what I'm waiting for later today? When the match is over, somebody is crowned the winner and the poor man's Duke of Edinburgh comes out from under his stone (you never see him at any other time of year) to chat with the ball boys and present the trophy, although that's pretty boring too. The 'winner' kissing the cup, the loser looking pissed off – but holding back his jagged emotions – and the crowd taking photos on their smart phones. Now that's when it should all kick off. The loser should either leave the court in a rage, never to return, having smashed up his racket and thrown it at the umpire OR he should wait for the Barker interview to vent his anger at the world and then walk off, having insulted Barker and sticking his fingers up at the crowd as he makes his way to the dressing room – bugger those numpties with their over-sized tennis balls asking for autographs.

Then, all that remains, is that horrible, light-hearted bit when the BBC cobbles together some 'funny' stuff. You know the drill: umbrellas turning inside out in a squall, people sheltering from the storm under a tarpaulin, a pigeon waddling on to centre court. Ho! Ho! Ho!

To Tatsfield Bus Stop, the long way (there and back), but with a chunk of corned beef pie and a cup of tea when we got there!

Ready to head home after our corned beef pie

Going the long way to the bus stop is far preferable to riding along the 269, although, as we returned we began to have second thoughts. The reason was simple: quiet country lanes are dangerous. Around a bend a car or other cyclists appear out of nowhere. At least on the 269 you can see the cars coming and they can see you. We agreed that on the outward journey, using the long route was best because it's on the outward journey that we like to chat and there's little traffic around (although you've still got to watch it). On the return journey, having exhausted our conversation (today we discussed corned beef pie, bread pudding and bread & butter pudding) we're more inclined to get our heads down and concentrate on the ride.

It was a good morning in terms of the weather: bright sunshine like yesterday, but the rain the day before had dampened the pollen count and my eye was feeling fine. I might not have mentioned yesterday that my hay fever was probably the worst it's ever been. My eye got a little itchy at the bus stop and, foolishly, I rubbed it, causing the right one to inflame. A unsightly 'bag' of sorts developed underneath it and took a good day and a half to disappear. I started to worry about it, but it's calmed down now and, thanks to some protective eye wear on today's ride, all is fine.

We left the house at the usual time of 0630hrs and headed in the usual direction as the plan was to repeat yesterday's ride – the slow way there and back to the Tatsfield Bus Stop. It was a pleasant ride, but we were itching to eat the corned beef pie that Phil had made and when, finally, we reached our destination, Phil produced the aforementioned pie along with a couple of decent plates AND cutlery. I provided the tea, a much-needed accompaniment, and the feast was perfect. We've discussed bringing a small table, tablecloth, cutlery, crockery and some wine and while this has been a bit of a joke, it looks as if it's taken on a serious note and might well happen in the not-too-distant future. We're thinking breakfast of corned beef pie and baked beans washed down with a Merlot or a Cabernet Sauvignon. I wonder what sort of looks we'll get from passers by? Today's looks were pretty strange and that was just with our pies, on plates, balanced on our laps. Mind you, when you see somebody at a remote bus stop, knife and fork in hand, eating something substantial-looking like a chunk of corned beef pie, it's definitely a double-take moment.

Corned beef pie, on a decent plate with some cutlery. 

No sign of Dawes Galaxy this morning, which was good news as I don't think Phil and I fancied sharing our pie with anybody. We sat around and discussed our culinary plans for future rides – bread pudding was mentioned – so we could have a veritable feast ahead of us involving a main course AND dessert, not forgetting the wine to wash it all down.

We rode home the slow way, the same as yesterday, and I encountered similar gear problems to yesterday too, which was annoying, although I'd managed to change down at the right time for Hesiers ... it was the smaller hill on Church Lane that caused the problem.

Tatsfield Bus Stop – the slow way there (and back)

The weather forecasters had been promising rain so much that Phil decided an abort text before it even rained, ie the night before the ride, would be a smart move (no need to get up in the early hours, bleary-eyed, to send out the obligatory abort text).

Too good to eat...Phil's corned beef pie ready for the ride 

I know that feeling. In fact, I was quite glad because it meant that I was free to lounge about and possibly go for a ride – weather permitting – at a slightly later hour. As it turned out, the weather was fantastic, I woke up very early (something like 0500hrs) and was downstairs eating my Shredded Wheat at an ungodly hour. The weather was so good that I figured I'd better text Phil to tell him I was going for a ride (remember, he'd aborted the night before). But, as luck would have it, he was thinking the same way and suggested we meet around 0630hrs. I looked at my watch, it was around 0600hrs – or thereabouts – so I had a good half an hour to sort out the tea.

I couldn't understand the weather. It was blue skies and sunshine (perfect riding weather) but, as we progressed, certainly by the time we reached the bottom of Hesiers Hill and were on our way along Beddlestead Lane towards Clarks Lane, the clouds had gathered. But still, a soaking was no way near imminent – there were blue skies.

When we reached the Tatsfield Bus Stop we did the usual: drank tea and ate biscuits and then we got into a conversation about lawlessness, which was good fun. Dawes Galaxy appeared. Dawes Galaxy is a man from Selsdon. We don't know his name so he goes by the name of his bike, a Dawes Galaxy. He was going to the Oval to watch the cricket in the afternoon, raising the subject of potential rain, but he didn't seem too bothered. In fact, it was odd seeing Dawes Galaxy riding his Dawes Galaxy, a bike he keeps locked up during the winter months.

We watched as Dawes Galaxy rode away, towards Botley, along Clarks Lane, and then we too headed for home, taking a right into Beddlestead Lane and basically repeating the outward ride, which was pleasant in the early sunshine, even if, on two occasions, I had the bike in the wrong gear for going up Hesiers and then as I approached a smaller hill. Both times I had to ride back to the bottom of the hill and click the Kona into the right gear. On one occasion the gears froze, but miraculously unfroze themselves – I need to oil it more often.

As avid readers will be only too aware, corned beef pie has been an important part of the conversation of late. Well, now Phil has truly excelled himself (see photo above). Not only has he already received a 'respect is due' for his sausage sandwiches in the past (the last one made with home-made bread) this time he's gone and baked a corned beef pie, a slice of which I will be sampling tomorrow morning. We've discussed bringing wine – I hope he doesn't – but then we start to look like fit alcoholics out for an early morning ride. Believe me, it's a long way from the truth.

On the weather front, we managed to get home without any sign of a soaking, although within 15 minutes or so of being home, I looked out of the window and, sure enough, it was raining.

A weekend of sneezing...

I suffer from hay fever but never take anything for it, so it's my own fault that I suffer. The reason I take nothing is because I feel that hay fever isn't a 'proper' disease that warrants taking drugs to alleviate the symptoms. Fine, take an Aspirin for a headache, enjoy a Lemsip when you get a cold, but hay fever? It's just a few sniffles, a bout of heavy sneezing and some itchy eyes, innit.

Phil and Matt at the Tatsfield churchyard, Saturday 21st June 2014.

Well, yes and no. When I reached the Tatsfield churchyard on Saturday morning, my eyes were getting itchy as Phil and I broke out the tea and cake. Yes, we had some honey cake made by one of Phil's daughters and it was fantastic. Andy missed a real treat, but then he did have a fortnight in the Canary Islands to compensate. Earlier I'd sent Phil a text declining a sausage sandwich – I had one the week before and, unbelievably, the clicking noise of what I thought was a bottom bracket problem, that had disappeared as I'd lost weight, re-appeared! Perhaps it was the sausage sarnie's fault, or perhaps I do need to fix my bottom bracket. I wasn't prepared to take any chances so the sausage sandwich was off the agenda, but a piece of honey cake was offered instead and that can't do any harm, can it? No, of course not, and it was very, very good.

Last week Phil and I had discussed how our respective mothers both made a decent corned beef tart – very easy, by the way, you get a tin of corned beef, a tomato and a potato. Boil the tomato and potato, mash it up and mix it with the corned beef, add, perhaps, a little tomato pureé and then put the lot in a pie, ie sort out some frozen pastry – or make your own – and make a pie, bake it for about 25 minutes, not sure at what temperature, probably 200 deg C, and Bob's your uncle. My mum's good at making it so I'll order one for a future ride and as an alternative to sandwiches at work.

Honey cake to go with our tea, courtesy of one of Phil's daughters. 

I'm really getting into comfort foods at present, having recently purchased a tin of Bird's custard powder. You can't beat stewed apples and blueberries (or blackberries, or both) with a bit of Bird's. And what's a better accompaniment to sliced bananas? Bird's custard of course. It's easy to make too. A little tip: when you're having bananas and custard, add about a teaspoon of banana-flavoured Nesquik to the mixture prior to adding the hot milk and returning it to the boil – wonderful!

So, hay fever. I grin and bear it when perhaps I shouldn't. As Phil and I sat at our usual bench in the churchyard, admiring the view and soaking up the early morning rays of what was a perfect summer's morning, the eyes began to itch and I rubbed them and for the rest of the weekend I was sneezing loudly, rubbing my eyes and generally feeling pretty crap. Saturday night I hit the sack with sore eyes. I didn't sleep too well and when I woke up around 0700hrs, knowing that Phil wasn't going cycling on Sunday, I weakened and didn't go, much to my own disgust. Still there were things to do, one of them being gardening, and mum was coming over for some lunch and a bit of weeding (there's a lot of tall grass lurking in my flower beds).

The hay fever wasn't as bad as Saturday, but it was still a bit irritating and my loud sneezing must have disturbed the hazy summer Sunday peace for many of my neighbours.

I hate missing a ride so next weekend the plan is to hit Westerham on both Saturday and Sunday. I might even get a ride in mid-week if I take some time off.

Westerham, World Cup, sausage sandwiches...what a great weekend of cycling!

We managed to clock up 44 miles this weekend with two 22-milers to Westerham early in the morning. There was contrasting weather too. Saturday was bright sunshine and most definitely tee-shirt weather. Conversely, Sunday, while relatively warm, was overcast and there was always the threat of rain, although it never happened.

I was expecting a flat front tyre, but didn't have one when I entered the garage at 0630hrs on Saturday morning and soon Phil and I were on our way to Warlingham Green to meet Andy. We all agreed to Westerham and set off on the 269 – heads down, no talking – until we reached our destination.

Phil, yours truly and Andy at Westerham Green, Saturday 15th June 2014.

Once seated, we discusssed David Beckham's trip into the Amazon, which wasn't as good as it could have been in my opinion. Bring back Charley Boorman. I found the Beckham's programme to be a little shallow. There wasn't enough about Beckham and when he did open his mouth it was always to say how nice it was to be in a place where nobody knew his name, although there are not many places in the world where he remains anonymous and if I was Beckham I would have been a little annoyed with the other guys who kept asking those they encountered whether they knew who it was who stood before them – most of them did, but there was a group of remote villagers who looked bemused.

I wasn't too happy with those he chose as travel companions: two Americans and a long-standing mate from the days before Beckham was Beckham. In fact, I'd like to have heard more about his childhood friend as the two Americans seemed like much more recent acquaintances and there was no real attempt made to delve into their personalities, their backgrounds, what they thought of being in the Amazon rain forest and their thoughts on Beckham.

Also, I wanted to see Beckham roughing it a bit more; most of the time he wasn't under canvas and I felt a little short-changed and of the opinion that Beckham should leave 'adventure' programmes to the likes of Bear Grylls and Ray Mears, not forgetting real explorers like Benedict Allen. That said, I like Beckham, but in this programme, while he said that riding a motorcycle was liberating and that by wearing a crash helmet he could remain anonymous, I would have liked more than the notion that by travelling into the Amazonian rainforest, he can find people who don't know him – which, effectively, was what the programme was about. In fact, I felt mildly sorry for old Becks because it was quite obvious that 'being Beckham' means his life isn't entirely his own.

Sausage sandwiches – Matt and Phil caught munching as Andy sips his tea.

The weather on Saturday was wonderful, making the ride very pleasant. We parted company with Andy halfway along the 269 and reached home around 0942hrs. I had a fairly chilled day involving a walk in the Ashdown Forest. It was also the day England played Italy in World Cup 2014. Sadly it was on at 11pm – not ideal when you've got some serious cycling to do the following morning. I stayed up for the first 22 minutes of the game and went to bed with the score at 0-0. When Radio 4 woke me up the following morning I discovered that Italy had won the match 2-1, meaning that if England loses its next group game (with Uraguay) 'our boys' will almost certainly be on the next flight home. Oh dear!

There's a great Private Eye front cover this week showing the England team walking down the steps from the plane as they arrive on Brazilian soil. The pilot is wondering whether to keep the engines running. Judging by England's first match of the tournament, he should certainly keep them ticking over as it won't be long before we hear those magical seven words, "England is out of the World Cup".

Hazy sunshine on Westerham Green on Saturday morning...

Sunday was warm but overcast and while good weather was sort of hinted at by the TV forecasters, it never really materialised. As I mentioned earlier, there always seemed to be a threat of rain in the air, but it held off as we headed off again at 0630hrs to meet Andy on Warlingham Green. We aimed for Westerham again, arriving roughly five minutes later than yesterday, but still just before 0800hrs.

On Saturday we noticed that some wooden tables and chairs had been plonked on Westerham Green, making tea drinking and cereal bar munching a little easier, although we didn't have any cereal bars. Andy had brought some very tasty biscuits with him, which went down a treat. Phil, however, receives another 'respect is due' for surprising us with his excellent sausage sandwiches, this time made with home-made bread. Is there no end to this man's talents?

When I think about how our cycling has developed since the pre-blog days of 2006, I find it hard to believe how things have changed from when Andy and I stood outside the Co-op with a bun, saying very little and putting all our efforts into the ride. Today, it's morphed into a much more complex experience involving a regularly updated blog PLUS tea and cereal bars and now the odd sausage sandwich and Christmas cake and soon, perhaps, some corned beef tart as I discovered today that Phil's mum – like my own – is a dab hand at the old corned beef tart. It won't be long before it appears on the ride and now we're even talking, albeit jokingly, about bringing a bottle of wine along too (although if we ever did, we'd have to leave later, as the thought of a glass of Cabernet at 0800hrs on Westerham Green doesn't really appeal.

Over the next three weeks it will be down to Phil and I to motivate ourselves as Andy is off on holiday to the Canary Islands next weekend. So, when Phil and I are riding down the hill into Westerham – or wherever we happen to be going over the next fortnight – Andy will be fast asleep in his hotel room and won't have too much to do when he wakes up (other than pleasant walks in the sunshine, eating Mediterranean food and taking a dip in the hotel pool).

We rode out of Westerham at around 0830hrs and chatted most of the way to the start of the hill and then quietened down as we put all our efforts into overcoming the mental torture of what is a long, slow incline all the way to the Botley. We passed the Tatsfield Bus Stop and were approaching the mini roundabout at the top of Titsey Hill when Phil announced he had a rear wheel puncture. We stopped, Phil fixed it and soon we were on our way again,  pleased by the way passing cyclists took an interest in our welfare simply by asking if we were alright. Perhaps I was wrong about 'cycling etiquette'.

Phil's puncture caused very little delay – no more than 10 minutes – and after bidding farewell to Andy, Phil and I pushed on towards Warlingham Green, Hamsey and, of course, Sanderstead. We sailed down Church Way, said our goodbyes and got on with our lives – for me it was mowing the lawn (front and back). For Phil a family barbecue at his mum's place.

As I write this the weather remains warm but overcast. Here's hoping next week will be a little brighter.