The mathematics of cycling...on the 'Woodland Trek'

Two 'Woodland Treks' equal one 'cycle', that's what I was figuring out in my head as I embarked upon a one-hour, ten-minute ride round suburbia, taking in a bit of woodland en route. It was a hot day on Thursday and I fancied a cycle, but knowing that a cycle around 1pm was going to mean traffic, I steered clear of the usual routes (Botley, the Tatsfield Bus Stop and so on) and besides, I had work to do and this was technically my lunch break (I was working at home). So I set off with my son on what I used to call the Woodland Trek (a route I've probably spoken of before, I'm not sure). In essence, it involves cycling around the streets near the house, a kind of 'world' in its own right and there's no traffic to speak of.

Cycling up this bit  of the woods requires a very low gear

What's the route? Well, briefly, it's turn left out of my house, down to West Hill, turn left, then left into the Ridgeway. Follow the Ridgeway to the top, turn right and left into Briton Hill Road, ride to Church Way, turn left, go down Church Way and then swing back on yourself, briefly entering Arkwright Road but turning back and up Church Way, then hang a left at Norfolk Avenue, follow it to the top where it bears left then take first left into Arundel Avenue. This bit is down hill and Arundel Avenue curves right before straightening out but towards the end you hang a left into The Ridgeway, a pleasant American-looking housing estate. The Ridgeway is self-contained, ie you've got to get out the way you came in, but I do one loop, then another and then hit an alleyway that leads on to the main Upper Selsdon Road, but I turn left back towards Croydon and then, within about 25 yards, cross the road and take a right turn down a track near the golf course; this leads me into Croham Hurst, a very pretty piece of woodland. I travel along a track, the dappled sunlight through the trees casting pleasant patterns on the woodland carpet of leaves and twigs (see photo) and then, just after it opens out a little bit, I crank the gears into low (believe me, if you don't, you'll have to stop, as I did) and head uphill to the very top of the woods where I can see my house down below and quite a distance away. This is always a good place to stop for a while. Many years ago (they probably still do it) the local church used to hold Easter services up here at 6am in the morning. It was weird: the vicar and a few of his parishioners standing around with bibles, but it was good too and while I'm not a churchgoer, there was something good about being up on the hill on a misty Easter morning – you could say it was a religious experience which, of course, it was.

At the very top of Croham Hurst woods, South Croydon.

Anyway, once at the top of the hill you have a choice: you can go left or right and this time I went right (on my second lap I saw a bald-headed guy doing press-ups, but that's beside the point). Going downhill in the woods can be a little treacherous and you have to watch your step, but soon you'll appear, as I did, on a patch of green grass hemmed in by Croham Manor Road and another road called Bankside (I think). I turned left along Croham Manor Road back towards the Upper Seldson Road where I turned left again and then right into West Hill, and then, if this was going to be a one-lapper, I'd turn left into Barnfield Road and finish. However, this was a two-lapper, so I simply carried on up West Hill, turning left into the Ridgeway and, to make things mildly different, half way along the Ridgeway I turned right into Hook Hill and followed the road until it joined with Briton Hill Road.

It was tough, but good and I kind of vowed to do it daily but, of course, I didn't.

Cycling shop owner in York wins the lottery!

... and he's not planning to let the money change his life. Click here for more details.

Postscript on passion

Here's a rather pretentious self portrait of yours truly on a train.
I must have been bored shitless or fed up with my book.

Andy sent me a message via our other site (novisiblelycra.ning.com) and it got me thinking; he said that he figured he did have a passion for motorsport and photography, and that got me thinking that I'm not completely passionless in terms of 'leisure pursuits', although there's no point in my trying to be passionate about something I'm simply not passionate about: football. Mind you, I'm keen on the World Cup and I do feel that there's a sense of camaraderie when England are out there playing against the rest of the world, so I guess I do kind of get passionate about international football tournaments. And then there's writing and reading and cycling, so I'm not without my 'passions' either.

I think that post of mine when I said that I lack passion, was probably too strong. It implied that I'm some kind of stoned-out zombie with no interests and a permanently vacant expression on my face. I might even have implied that Andy was the same, when clearly he's been thinking about it and has decided that he does have passions.

So, there you have it, we're both full of passion about a lot of things, although, as Andy's other half pointed out recently, we are a bit like television's grumpy old men, as a recent photograph of all of us (which appeared in Club Mirror magazine's May issue) illustrated. Perhaps the word is 'cynicism', we're very cynical about stuff in general, but there's a whole world of difference between cynicism and a lack of passion.

Postscript on Passion – an afterthought

Andy has suggested that we're cynical realists and that sounds about right – as long as we're passionate about being cynical realists.

Longford Lake, home of Chipstead Sailing Club

Longford Lake is the home of Chipstead Sailing Club where, among other things, they sail radio-controlled yachts like these pictured above.

For more details of the club, visit their website by clicking here.

Views of Pilgrim's Lane, Kent

The fields surrounding Pilgrim's Lane

Pilgrim's Lane is fantastic; it weaves its way East from the bottom of the Titsey hill, just outside of Oxted towards Sundridge, Chevening, Chipstead and Dunton Green, all in Northern Kent. As you can see by the photographs (taken on my iPhone), it's a great place to be early in the morning on a summer's day in June.

Andy heading west on Pilgrim's Lane

The top shot above shows the fields visible from Pilgrim's Lane and the shot above is of Andy heading west on the Lane on the return trip from Longford Lake.

If you enjoyed reading about Longford Lake, Chipstead...

Man fishing on Longford Lake, Chipstead, Kent

...you might be interested in an article, penned by yours truly, about my perilous lunch break back in January 2007 when I tried to reach the office along the footpath to Dunton Green, which skirts around Longford Lake. To read the article, click here.

The Bricklayers Arms, Chipstead, Kent

The Bricklayers Arms, Chipstead, Kent, right opposite the lake.

Here's the Bricklayers Arms, a Harvey's of Lewes pub, which means incredibly good cask ale and some decent food too, not forgetting pleasant views of Longford Lake. Chipstead in Kent is a nice little village and worthy of a visit if you live in the region.

For more information about the Bricklayers Arms, click here.

Longford Lake in Chipstead, Kent – a good 32 miles

The village sign on the green near the lake and the pub

As far as I can remember, we haven't been to Longford Lake in Chipstead, Kent,since this blog has been in existence. It's a good run, passing the Tatsfield Bus Stop and then down the hill as if going towards Westerham, but taking the off-road route through to Westerham Hill and then crossing over and following Pilgrim's Lane all the way to Sundridge Hill.

Pilgrim's Lane is a joy to behold. It is so rural, with tall, green hedges on either side for some of the way and then open fields. We turn right at the foot of Sundridge Hill and travel along Ovenden Road before hanging a left and riding down to the crossroads that offers three choices: straight ahead for Dunton Green, left for Chevening Church or right and over the M25 for Chipstead village and the lake.

The bikes and Andy on the Longford Lake green. There is a great pub on
the green called the Bricklayer's Arms; it sells Harveys of Sussex beer.

The great thing about this ride is its relative ease; there's not much in the way of big hills and Pilgrim's Lane makes it all very smooth running. It is deceptive, though. We reached the lake at just before 9am, meaning that it's roughly the same distance as Merstham, the slow way (without the Enterdent).

The Longford Lake route has been mooted in the past as an ideal mid-morning ride, mainly because there's a pub right opposite a small green in front of the lake, perfect for a couple of pints of Harvey's of Lewes ale before the ride home, which would be pretty hard after a couple of beers. So far, however, we haven't got it together and I suspect we never will.

The weather was good throughout the trip and our conversation kind of picked up where we left off yesterday, although England's fairly dismal opening game (with Green letting in that awful equalising goal for the Americans) dominated the early chat as we headed out of Warlingham Green and on towards Botley Hill. The Lemans 24-hour race is on too and Andy's a bit of motorsport nut, a sport that I find even more boring than football.

The worse thing about the football, of course, is that Germany play Australia tonight and there's a good chance that England might meet them in the knock-out, which is bad news for England as the Germans are good. The result last night was 1-1, and, as Gordon Banks, former England keeper when, back in 1966, England did win the World Cup (it was 4-2 to us against Germany) pointed out: in 1966 we drew our first game with Uruguay – in other words, all is not lost.

Longford Lake in Chipstead Village, Kent

By the time we were on Pilgrim's Lane, the conversation had turned to gym membership and what a waste of money it was; why join a gym when you can buy a bike with the money and make the English countryside your gym?

We reached the lake and munched on our cereal bar and sipped our tea, wondering where the whiff of bacon sandwiches was coming from; we were both starving. I told Andy that if I had a few Scotch eggs and a couple of sarnies, I could just sit there by the lake all day. I couldn't, of course, because there were things to do back at home, so eventually we moved out and embarked upon the fairly exhaustive journey home.

Andy took the off-road bit to the top of Westerham Hill, while I carried on along Pilgrim's Lane and then cycled up the hill. We wanted to know which way was quickest and, as it turned out, there was very little in it. Andy got there just before me. We continued up the hill, past the Tatsfield Bus Stop towards Botley Hill where Andy took a left down The Ridge and I carried on along the B269 towards Warlingham.

I was sorely tempted to drop into the Village Café for a couple of slices of toast and some tea, but resisted and cycled home, arriving at roughly 11am.

Non-stop to Botley then back to the Village Café

The Village Café, Warlingham Green.

The plan was simple: ride to Merstham, the long way, and then sit down to a full English at the Hunger's End café, but, as happens now and then, there was a problem. My wife wanted to check out a bathroom store, but the place closed at noon. Why? Why does a shop have to close at noon? Anyway, being the nice guy that I am, I figured I go cycling most weekends and hit home around 11am so I better get back earlier so we can go look at bathrooms. Yes, I know, very boring, but if you saw our bathroom, you'd have second thoughts; it's the bath that came with the house, so to speak. In other words, it's been there since the mid-60s when JFK was president, when the Beatles were still in the charts and before, long before, Armstrong set foot on the moon. It has to be replaced. Hell, I was only a kid and living at home when our current bathroom was new.

Then Andy was delayed by a possible puncture, which turned out to be just a flat, but that Tioga spells punctures to me (remember, it was my rear tyre when I first bought the Kona, but I had so many punctures back then it was unbelievable and eventually I took them off and replaced them with Holy Rollers from Maxxis). Anyway, you've heard that story so I won't go on anymore.

Andy's Kona Blast with new rear Tioga tyre; it makes the
bike look better but will it mean more punctures?

We decided to ride to Botley, the fast way, turn round at the roundabout and cycle back to the Village Café on Warlingham Green; it's a good caff and I've been there before (normally when soaked after a longer cycle). Today, however, we were dry and we'd only cycled about 10 miles, but that didn't stop us from ordering our tea and toast.

The topic of conversation today revolved mainly around how the media is keen to roll out the stereotypes now that the World Cup is in full swing: the usual rubbish about how all men are football crazy and all women are rolling their eyes affectionately as their footy-mad husbands sit in front of the box with a beer and a pizza shouting things like, "Where's your fucking specs, ref?"

Andy and I both hate football. Try as we might (well, I've tried) to enjoy 'the beautiful game' (a contradiction in terms) it's impossible. Even yesterday, as I sat in a working men's club in Hayes, Middlesex, near Heathrow airport, watching the opening game between South Africa and Mexico (a 1-1 draw) I was bored shitless. Mind you, tonight it's USA versus England and that could be fun, especially if England fans go on the on rampage after the game!

The problem is passion, I guess, and the fact that we don't have any – or I don't. I mean passion for something, like footy or cars. I just don't care about football and I'm not one of those people who pine for a Ferrari either.

As we sat munching on our toast and sipping from our mugs of tea, Andy said that when he was working for a company called Albion (a computer business) he had to service the computers of Jonathan Ross, Stephen Fry and Anna Ford (the former BBC newsreader) – and that got us started on celebrities and how we'd never go mad if we saw one in the street and start asking for their autographs. Back to that lack of passion. Anyway, must sign off; I haven't got the passion to write anymore.

Oh, incidentally, it's 1052hrs and we still haven't gone to the bathroom shop, meaning that I could have gone to Merstham after all. Jon went and had breakfast there alone. Sorry, Bon.

The plan tomorrow is to go to Chipstead lake in Kent, quite a long one.

While we're on the subject of Gravelo's blog...

...it's worth reading the post about riding the lightening (there's a Metallica reference for you!). In fact, if you look down the right hand side of this blog (my blog) you'll be able to click and go straight to Gravelo's excellent blog. If you're too lazy to do that, just click here.

The big question, of course, is would we ride out in lightening like this (see above pic, taken, I'd imagine, by Gravelo).